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apl
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 02:59 am |
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It appears as though my husband did not download and files BUT he may have been very savvy at deleting them...does anyone know how I can thoroughly search for downloads or sites visited even after he has deleted all files, cookies, searches, etc. I did find some cookies embedded in a hidden file but that was it.
any tips would be appreciated...I just need to know all the details and I am afraid he is not admitting the full extent of his addiction to me. I have a computer programmer for a friend and I know he will know how...I just don't want to ask him...
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Steve
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 04:29 am |
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Last edited on Wed Jul 5th, 2006 10:34 pm by Steve
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"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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apl
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 05:12 am |
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Wow, I am not playing a game at all. My trust has been completely compromised. the extent to which he would go is at teh root of my fears. I do not trust him right now and that is why I wanted to know if there was anything else he was hiding from me that I do not know about. So that I have as much information as I need to decide how I am going to move forward with this.
He was looking at incest fantasy sites...I need to know if I know the worst of it. From what I am finding out, his rituals do not seem as often as others...yet, he claims that he visted this taboo site because his obsession has progressed...but...according to him, he went on teh internet this time and then one other time in teh two 1/2 years I have been with him...I find that hard to believe. He seems genuine in wanting help but since my trust has been compromised, I do not know the person he is right now and I wanted to know if he is being honest, up front, and my immediate concern is that I have have a 2 year old neices safety to consider here...is his obsession still only in the NON acting out stage...
I do not think that is an uncommon thing to wonder as a wife that just found this out...and I do not see the game in this at all!
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Steve
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 06:17 am |
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Last edited on Wed Jul 5th, 2006 10:34 pm by Steve
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"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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captivated
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 07:03 am |
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Okay, the mom in me needs to say this, even though you probably never would now....never.....NEVER!....leave any child or teenager alone with this man unless he's sought extensive therapy, accountability and the test of time! That stuff is dangerous!....and I can't help but tell you, I find it almost impossible this man has only gone to something like that twice! If so, why would he have progressed in the stuff he's looking for so much?! Be careful of the games Steve was talking about, but beyond your human ability or understanding, ask God to give you wisdom and insight and to expose anything else that's hidden. He hates how this stuff is ruining what He's created to be good and beautiful and pure!
One more thing, I'm so very sorry you're having to go through this ....and will pray for you right now!
captivated
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mike
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Posted: Mon May 22nd, 2006 08:31 pm |
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>It appears as though my husband did not download and files BUT he may have been very savvy at deleting them...does anyone know how I can thoroughly search for downloads or sites visited even after he has deleted all files, cookies, searches, etc.
If you have XP, go to Start, Search, and then do a search for pictures. leave all boxes blank, and this will show you every picture on your system.
>He was looking at incest fantasy sites...I need to know if I know the worst of it. From what I am finding out, his rituals do not seem as often as others...yet, he claims that he visted this taboo site because his obsession has progressed...but...according to him, he went on teh internet this time and then one other time in teh two 1/2 years I have been with him...I find that hard to believe.
It sounds to me like he's in very deep; a guy whose "obsession has progressed" isn't looking at porn twice in a 2-1/2 period of time. Either that... or he's doing something else other than porn.
>He was looking at incest fantasy sites...I need to know if I know the worst of it.
He could be close to a dangerous line; having files of child porn on the computer is a felony, but more than this, too many men take those sick fantasies to the next step. (This is why our jails are being packed with sex offenders.) Most wives have a 6th sense if their husband is lying or not... when you ask him these questions, ask the Lord for discernment.
Better yet, ask the Lord to reveal the truth to you - and your mate.
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apl
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Posted: Tue May 23rd, 2006 02:31 am |
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Thanks, I will continue to pray on this.
Just to be clear, and I am not defending him, only stating what I know...I saw the sites he went to and they are all adults...there is no children on there. I still don't understand the idea of it...even with adults. To me, it seems like there is something underlying need in this search...mother son, sister brother, ...it was more this mother son part that he viewed. Also, I feel the need to say that he spent about 45 minutes on a "Normal" porn site and only mere minutes on a series of interconected sites in this realm (i.e. he viewed one site and clicked on topics - familyincest, momonson, etc - sorry for too much detail there). Anyway, what I am saying is that he did not linger in these sites and maybe there is something to be said about that...I don't know. He said that he didn't view it as seeing himself in the fantasy ...I said I have heard of MILF fantasies which are someone else's mother that you find sexually attractive...an older women, an experienced woman fettish - maybe I could wrap my brain around that BUT this was a mother son relatiohship and I don't understand that.
ONe thing I am currently looking into and we have a therapy appt on Thursday night so I am sure the therapist will touch on this is that he does have mild Tourettes Syndrome which almost always has some kind of comorbid OCD or Impulse disorder and I am hoping this is the root of his problem...again, not making an excuse but it woudl explain things. His TS is sustained mostly in motor tics (eye blinking, facial twitches, etc) and some motor tics (grunting and throat clearing). MOst people are familiar with the TS which has people screaming obscenities (copralia) and he does not have that, however, I have heard about something called Mental Copralia where. So, whereas verbal copralia could have someone SCREAMING incest, this mental coprialia could have someone thinking about the word. Couple that with an impulse disorder or hypersexuality something along those lines that would cause one to do an internet search of the phrase in your head and you could have why he did what he did. Just as a person with copralia who shouts taboo phrases woudl not act out on the desire, so too a person with the mental counterpart would not act out either.
As I am searching my own mind and soul, I keep returning to this thought that he may not be a sex addict, or at least not textbook case, things don't add up. It is possible that this has to do with his Tourettes and a comorbid impulse disorder, which would seem more like the man I know, meaning he has issues but is not capable of such horrors. right now, i feel God is leading me in this direction but I am being cautious until we meet with the therapist...only then will I be able to see if this is a possibility or if he is on the worse end of causes.
Thanks for your help and prayers.
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apl
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Posted: Tue May 23rd, 2006 02:31 am |
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Steve,
thank you for explaining...written as it was, i was extremely upset by the accusation, as you could see, but i see what you were saying now, thanks for clarifying.
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