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bigj714
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Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2007 04:17 am |
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i started having sex when i was 15 and am now 33. in that time ive been with more women than i could ever count. i was heavily involved in the party scene and associated with mostly strippers and porn stars for many years. i finally threw my life of drugs and casual sex in the trash can 15 months ago and have been seeking the Lord since. since then ive managed to stay abstinant with the exception of falling to porn several times, as pornography was always just a staple hobby in addition to my ongoing sex routines. i dont know, i guess im just concerned because im still so empty inside and am not finding fulfillment in my attempt at chastity. truth is, i still would like to be having sex, and am having a real hard time hanging on. i dunno im real worried about my soul.
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TimM
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Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2007 11:07 am |
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I spent many, many years as a believer in Christ at least intellectually and as an active addict. It's not a happy place to be. I tried to treat my sexual temptations purely as moral issues, to pray to Christ for strength, and to tough it out alone. This never worked for me.
I turned out to need help from other people, too. I turned out to need to say, you know, I have deep psychological issues that predispose me to this sort of temptation and this sort of sin. I not only have to repent and resolve to do better in the future; I also have to take action by treating the psychological weaknesses and fears that push me to this particular form of sin.
In doing this through counseling and through 12-step programs, what I found was that addiction is among other things a disease of isolation. I need to learn to build new relationships of trust and openness with other people in order to get better. That's why I asked you earlier about support from people in your real life. What I learned from the people I started trusting to help me was that I also needed to learn to face myself. I had to see myself honestly and I had to figure out what I was feeling and I had to find ways to meet the needs behind those feelings in healthy ways, because otherwise I would meet them in unhealthy ways. I needed to break down isolation from myself.
Also I learned that I had to break down isolation with God. I believed in God intellectually, but I didn't really trust Him and have faith in Him. I wasn't really ready to let go of my own strength and to trust His. People would ask if I had prayed to God about something and done what God told me to do. I didn't understand this. God didn't talk to me. I wasn't some big saint. I had prayed angrily to God for strength and I hadn't gotten it; that was all.
But the sober people I met did pray to God and listen to God and act on what they thought they heard, and they were living in joy and serenity and sobriety. Apparently I needed to break down my isolation from God, too, and to reach out to a new relationship with Him. I really had to trust Him with my whole life in ways that I had only done formally and metaphorically before. In all our liturgies, we pray, "Let us commend ourselves, one another, and our whole life to Christ our God." I always thought, "But not everything. Here's some stuff I can't let go of my control of." Now I have to let go of that stuff, too.
All this was hard and terrifying work. Opening up to other people about stuff I'd hidden all my life was awful. Admitting I was out of control in my own life and really trusting God to act by giving up acting myself was terrifying. Actually looking honestly at myself and at feelings I had hidden from my whole life was beyond terrifying. But that process, continuing every day, is what keeps me sober today. It also keeps me connected with other people and with God, and at peace with myself, in ways I would never have found had I not been driven there by my addiction. I'm only taking a first step, but I am living a life of blessings I never imagined were really possible for anyone.
That's what's working for me, and for thousands of other ordinary people. Does any of this make sense for you, too? For me, it hasn't been a choice of Christ versus the psychologists and 12-steppers. I used to think it was, but I turn out to need both. It also turns out that the psychologists and 12-steppers have helped me find a real connection to Christ I never had before.
Breaking isolation is really important for us. I was hiding totally from God, from other people, and from myself. In order to become open to any of those, I need to become open to all of them.
I hope this makes sense. Just my experience, of course.
Tim M.
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bigj714
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 06:37 pm |
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Thanks for your reply tim.....seems like this forum is alot of people just looking around
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TimM
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 07:26 pm |
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I'm not sure I quite understand. It's a pretty quiet forum. Like every forum of this sort I've seen, it also has pretty high turnover. Lots of people arrive, hope that sharing here will make them well, and then leave when that doesn't happen. Others come here as a first step and then move on to other sources of support. The people here cover a range of approaches to healing and of religious perspectives.
All that said, there are some wise people here, and it's low drama, and it can be both a home for some of us and a critical stepping-stone for others who are at a point where they can share on-line but not yet at a point where they can share face-to-face.
I'm certainly glad the place exists.
Tim M.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 09:14 pm |
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Hi BigJ714, glad you're here.
With so many visitors, I don't know why more people don't take the plunge and introduce themselves.
Last edited on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 12:57 pm by guitarist63
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B
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Posted: Fri Nov 9th, 2007 07:02 am |
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Look to Christ upon the cross with his loving, bloodied arms extended and embracing you. In Christ's tortured body you will find forgiveness for all of your sins. Yes, even those really nasty ones that you could never tell anybody.
Almighty God in His great mercy has given His Son into death, and for his sake forgives you all of your sins.
Last edited on Fri Nov 9th, 2007 07:03 am by B
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O Christ, Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world. Have Mercy upon us.
http://housemdiv.blogspot.com/
http://www.extremetheology.com/
http://chaz-lehmann.livejournal.com/
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