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ceejay1912
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 03:17 pm |
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I've struggled with SSA since my early teens (I'm now in my 50s).
While attending a Christian college, a school official befriended me and, over time, persuaded me to expose my struggles. He then proceeded to get me to engage in mutual masturbation (no oral or anal sex occurred). I knew it was wrong ... but, the father-figure/friendship draw was too strong.
The double-life further confused me. By the time I graduated, that relationship ended, I married, raised a family and have led a straight life. Yet, the SSA has continued ... living my "other life" through pornography, online chat, phone sex, etc (no REAL relationships).
Not until about 10-years ago did I attempt to deal with this ... spending 2-3 years in counseling and a sexual addiction support (12-step) group (SA).
During those years of counseling, I was able to acknowledge the college experience as "abuse." However, THIS thought continues to trouble me ... how much, if any, responsibility did I have? Up until 10-years ago, I blamed myself ... it was my fault because he knew I wanted that relationship. I now can call what he did "abuse," but somehow I still assume most of the responsibility. And, as I verbalize those words ("he abused me"), I'm still convinced ... internally and from those around me (wife, included), that I was partially/mostly responsible.
And, even as I write these words ... I'm prompted to think ... even if I settle the blame issue of the past ... what about today? I'm still addicted to porn. I live a double-life. I don't think I'd fall for that kind of relationship again ... but, I fantasize about it ... all the time.
I'm a Christian husband, father, leader ... yet, emotionally, I feel stuck in my adolescent years ... still seeking the approval of my peers (especially male).
The 12-steps groups I've been involved with in the past left me empty. I realize there is/was benefit as it relates to accountability ... but, the emphasis on some "higher power" leaves me empty ... like I'm not really dealing with the complete picture.
Yes ... as you might imagine ... these 30+ years later ... I still have a difficult time trusting ... anyone (including God). While I have lots of friends ... there's no one close enough that I feel free to share what's really going on in my mind/heart.
I've made progress ... but, I'm still plagued with the double-life ... and the inability to stop the reliance upon porn.
CeeJay
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alpha
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 04:54 pm |
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However, THIS thought continues to trouble me ... how much, if any, responsibility did I have?
CJ, I am a struggler also. Like you I've had few real life experiences. Most of my addiction has been online. I never had any relationships which I would label as abuse, but some I would label as very manipulative and left me feeling used. It has been a struggle assess blame. Was I coerced into to doing something I didn't want to do or did I want to do it and used the manipulative invitations as an excuse?
I have gone back and forth and stuggled intensely to make sense of it all. It's my personality type not to move forward until I've got all the details sorted out. Much of this was 15 years ago. Today, I don't think it matters anymore. I am forgiven. (I suspect that this is going to hit you with a blank gaze and go flying right past you, so I will say it again) Not only am I forgiven, but God loves me. He is on my side. He is not withholding his love until I get better. He is not demanding a particular standard for me to achieve on my own in order to offer His assistance. God does not hate me.
I not suggesting that you were resposible, CJ, but even IF you were in part. It doesn't make you less of a person in God's eyes. He loves you and forgives you.
the emphasis on some "higher power" leaves me empty ... like I'm not really dealing with the complete picture.
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. "
Romans 5:19 "For just as through the disobedience of the one man [Adam] the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man [Jesus] the many will be made righteous"
We are not given the impossible task of filling our own emptiness and making ourselves righteous. God does that through his son, Jesus and because of Him we are made righteous. Not for anything that we think we should be doing for God. Not for the persons that we wish we were but can't find the strength to become. When we know that God loves us in our brokeness, and our weakness, and in our (I'll use the 12 step term) powerlessness then we know grace and can allow him to change us. He does not change us to make us lovable. He already loves us and he changes us because of that love.
Yes ... as you might imagine ... these 30+ years later ... I still have a difficult time trusting ... anyone (including God). While I have lots of friends ... there's no one close enough that I feel free to share what's really going on in my mind/heart.
That's understandable. These are not easy things to talk about particularly for a married man. The church does a poor job recognizing the struggle and isolation that it brings. Did you ever share in your SA group that the nature of you struggle was same sex attraction? If you left that part out, I imagine there was a little voice in your head the whole time telling you that you were different from them. Isolation is a destructive force in all sexual addiction and I can tell you it was the defining destructive force in my life in regard to my same sex strggle. Isolation from men fed a desire to find relationship. Inadequacy and unfillment in those relationship led my to porn as a quick fix. And the porn left me more isolated because it was the only place to find that fix. The loneliness was oppressive and I felt there was no way out.
That is to say you must break yourself out to the loneliness and isolation. It will probably be the hardest thing you ever do. But this cannot be done alone. Only by doing this will you find others to love and accept you in your brokeness. Only by doing this will you find relationship where you can let your guard down and be a rest. There are online groups and other safe places where this is possible in small steps with minimal risk. Do this all in the knowledge that God loves you with your struggle. He understands it better than you do. He wants good things for you like a father wants for his son. He continues to love you even when your struggle leads you to sin. That is why they call it grace.
Here are some link that helped me:
http://www.livehope.org (This seems to be down this weekend)
http://www.peoplecanchange.com
Last edited on Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 04:58 pm by alpha
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 07:32 pm |
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Hi ceejay1912,
I have not struggled with this, but I have struggled with doubt about my role in a regretable situation. From this experience I would ask if you have explored the need to forgive the college official, not necessarily in real life, as he may no longer be with us, but in your heart, for your own healing? Next, my prayer finally went something like this: "Lord, if I did play any role in this situation, please forgive me, and Lord, help me to forgive myself." Not allowing God to bring healing in all these areas gives our enemy a foothold. I hope that you are making progress in recovering from the other struggles that have plagued you over the years.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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ceejay1912
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 03:52 pm |
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Thanks, TruthSeeker ...
In answer to your question ... I would ask if you have explored the need to forgive the college official, not necessarily in real life, as he may no longer be with us, but in your heart, for your own healing?
Yes ... but, I have to say there have been times ... the most recent, when I learned he had died, that I wondered if the forgiveness was complete. All the old feelings came back ... I was angry that he was hailed as a great leader - when I knew of his evil deeds.
As far as forgiving myself ... I think so. Except, there is the nagging question about the internal (strong) desire to "please" and be "accepted" that still exists in my heart. I think it is at the core of what is "my responsibility" for the relationship with the college official. He took an interest in me ... my struggles, who I was inside. I hadn't seen that from my own father ... so, I'm pretty sure that's why I was a "target" for him.
These now 30+ years later ... I still find myself bound by the desire to "make Dad proud of me" ... accept me for who I am. I see it in my work relationships, family, my own kids (all grown). I think the "approval" thing is at the core of my problems.
I know that I need to find that acceptance in my heavenly Father. And, at times, I think I am actually resting in that truth. But, using the analogy of one of those old scales (with the two trays) ... I'm out-of-balance ... truely experiencing God's acceptance, love, approval is more often than not overshadowed by the past realities.
Also ... I have prayed that God would forgive me for the role I played. Yes, I know the enemy has a foothold ... thus, the "stuck" feeling I'm experiencing today.
"Perfectionism" is a problem of mine ... but, I can say, I've made progress. But, at the same time, I know I'm stuck ... as the addiction to pornography still exists.
Thanks for your prayers.
CeeJay
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 04:09 pm |
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Hi ceejay1912,
You have obviously been contemplating and analyzing your situation. What are you currently doing to recover from the porn addiction?
More prayers...
TruthSeeker
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alpha
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 05:31 pm |
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"Perfectionism" is a problem of mine ... but, I can say, I've made progress. But, at the same time, I know I'm stuck ... as the addiction to pornography still exists.
Hey Ceejay, from one perfectionist to another let me tell you (like you don't already know) it's a life of living hell that isolates and kills. It stems from a constant feeling that I'm not good enough and that God is dissappointed in me. It provides a false hope that I might earn love and acceptance on my own if I am only good enough and then leaves me frustrated to the point of despair when I can't meet my own standard let alone God's. Deep down there is the fear that God will reject me and retract my salvation if I'm not good enough.
Because of perfectionism we try to change from the outside in. Porn filters, cancelled newspapers, bouncing eyes to the point of nausea. Even if appropriate, absense of stimuli does not fill the emptiness that persisted long before our addiciton. No matter how good, no matter how disciplined, no matter how perfect - the structural emptiness inside invites collapse. It is only a matter of time. We hate ourselves because of failure and expect everyone else to as well, especially God.
As perfectionists we've put ourselves back under the Law and told God that we'll do it on our own. We think we don't need Jesus or only needed him to a point. We wonder why we're so frustrated and resent everything, and why we think God is so powerless and cruel to expect so much from us.
Real change only happens from the inside out when we quit running from the emptiness that we are trying to medicate with addictions or well-intentioned religious band-aids. When I stop reading the Bible with a mind-set that says God is disgusted with me as if feeling worse about our sin will infuse us with the power to fix ourselves. When I stop praying that God would heal me the way I think that healing is supposed to look and asking Him to remove the struggle without giving attention to underlying wounds and pain.
It doesn't happen until we're willing to acknowledge our brokeness and put our unperfected selves into relationship with God and others. In weakness, we are strong. In weakness, I find that God's love for me has no bounds - and I find gratitude that there is a grace so large to accept me inspite of my sins. In gratitude, I find the strength to be obedient. In guilt, shame and isolation, I find nothing but a need to cover my pain with addictive vices that don't last.
For years, I tried to be morally perfect to the point of resentment and despair. I asked constantly what I am suppose to do with this sin in my life that continues after I am saved. I have tried but I can't stop. There was no God in any of those questions. Yesterday, we studied this passage and it answered that question for me, finally...
My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. (1 John 2:1-2)
Last edited on Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 06:56 pm by alpha
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gaylon
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 10:51 pm |
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alpha wrote: "Perfectionism" is a problem of mine ... but, I can say, I've made progress. But, at the same time, I know I'm stuck ... as the addiction to pornography still exists.
...from one perfectionist to another let me tell you (like you don't already know) it's a life of living hell that isolates and kills. It stems from a constant feeling that I'm not good enough and that God is dissappointed in me. It provides a false hope that I might earn love and acceptance on my own if I am only good enough and then leaves me frustrated to the point of despair when I can't meet my own standard let alone God's. Deep down there is the fear that God will reject me and retract my salvation if I'm not good enough.
.....My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. (1 John 2:1-2)
Although I don't struggle with SSA, I relate in all other points to these posts. Here's another "perfectionist" for you. And every word speaks to my soul. I have sought approval from both men and women -- in women, it has heavy sexual overtones. And the whole deal about having to be d*mn near perfect to get God to give me a sideways glance is very much a part of my reality. And, as you can see, this fuels anger that I so often feel toward "the universe". And believing that I can certainly never reach a standard of obedience that God requires, which always implies perfect compliance, in my mind. I seek to accept this great love of God and Christ, but maybe it's Satan who points out the stern justice of a vengeful God to me, no matter where I read in the scriptures. And, that image is more aligned with the complicity required of me as a child and teen, than the loving image that I wish for, only hope for, and desire. And, stranger yet to me, I can glibly tell other people about this great love, and have helped other people to accept it, but cannot seem to get myself to accept it. It's like a big steel door slamming shut in front of me, every time I try. But, I keep trying.. I guess my wife is the best example of this love, to me. I am surprised daily that she loves me and wants to stay with me...
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alpha
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 11:12 pm |
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Last edited on Tue Apr 24th, 2007 06:28 am by alpha
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clean2day
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 06:12 am |
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Ceejay
Perfectionism, Trying to make my father proud, Wondering if I will ever be good enough. Was I responsible... and all the rest.
I understand just where you are coming from, where the enimy is hitting you and the struggle you are having. I also understand that this sometimes does not help much.
What I want to say is sometimes we can not "go back and speak to those we are trying to please not hurt us". Sometimes we don't even want to see them if we could. Yes, prayer to our Father in heaven is a great place to start, but sometimes even when we know he is listening we feel the gulf between us.
"I have heard my people cry out to me and I will set them free" Exidus: not a true quoit but this is what He is telling us, because "my people" is ceejay. "Know the truth and the truth will set you free" The name of Jesus is Thruth, and another name for ceejay is YOU.
When Jesus was in the garden He prayed for ceejay, yo can read that in John. Also just a couple chapters later he called out to ceejay when he said "Behold thy mother, woman behold thy son". Come/go to the cross this is where Jesus si taking ceejay, just a child will bring a dog/cat home and ask his father, "See what has followed me home! Can I keep him?"
Maybe not a good anology but at the cross we were bought from our slavery to sin. Jesus doesn't want a slave, so he is asking His/our Father to adopt us. Paul says that when we believe we become the children of Abraham, Gods chosen. A slave has no place in the family but a son/daughter is always in the family. Just look at you children, do you think Father loves you any less. Remember what all the bad your children have done, do you love them any less? God is the same towards us. We as they really need to prove nothing, just trust.
Say your kids wrecked the car. Sure they were scared, after all dads going to kill us. But really just what did you do. You were disapointed, if it was their fault, but you picked up the peices called the insurence co. and loved them still. The things you did in your passed is the same way. it was a wreck, that is why we call it sin. talk to your Father.
Now on the earthly; either we can't or shouldn't go the people we need to. Write them a letter, spell out everything, make it plain what and how you feel. To my dad I went to his grave and reead it. Yes, I cried while I did it, but that is OK too. Yell if you must just let it all out. scream at the top of your lungs. I know that sounds "in bad taiste" but sometimes it helps.
What are you responsible for? In my HO what you are responsibel for is not forgiving ourselves. Holding on to it untill it kills us. If God can, and he has told us he does, eraise all of our sins from his memory, should we not do the same? In Psalms it says that "he removes our sins as far as the east is from the west". Not the north from the south, but east from the west. Get a globe and find just how far that is.
This is much to long but I hope I have helped you, just half as much as you have me. Thank you ceejay
C2d
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"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
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ceejay1912
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 01:50 pm |
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Thanks, Clean2Day!
It's funny. I know all you said is true. I've heard it before. I've SAID it before. But, somehow ... for some reason ... I've chosen to stay here. Nursing the same old feelings. Wanting to be free ... but, not wanting to leave what I hate behind.
I guess that's the double-minded man the Bible speaks of.
I once had a counselor tell me ... "your standards are higher than Gods." To this day, I still struggle over that one ... but, as you said, I think he was trying to tell me ... "God forgives - why can't you?" "He's forgotten ... why don't you?"
Thanks, again, Clean2Day.
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ceejay1912
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 02:00 pm |
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Thanks, Alpha.
You said ... you must break yourself out to the loneliness and isolation. It will probably be the hardest thing you ever do. But this cannot be done alone. Only by doing this will you find others to love and accept you in your brokeness. Only by doing this will you find relationship where you can let your guard down and be a rest.
That sounds so easy. So, natural. And, fact is, I've done it. I've "tasted" ... I've experienced that love from others as I open-up, step outside my isolation cell.
But, I have tried so many times ... and retreated just as many. I guess I lack perserverance. I've fallen and gotten up again and again. But, now ... I'm in the rut mode again. Feeling so stuck ... and little energy to even want to try again.
I guess this is a place to be brutally honest ... so, here goes ... I've been wondering if God has "given me over," as it says in Romans. I wonder if I've resisted Grace one too many times.
The 12-step folks talk about "bottoming out." I thought I'd hit that place years ago ... but, in some ways, I wonder if I'm even close.
To be continued ... thanks for letting me spill my guts.
CeeJay
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 02:27 pm |
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Hi ceejay1912,
If you are still seeking, still caring, still saying that Jesus is Lord, you have not been given over. The fact that you are here speaks to that. The Word also says that we are only able to say that Jesus is Lord by the Spirit, so, no matter how much the Spirit may have been grieved with your choices, or quenched by your withdrawal, He is still there. Jesus is still there, lovingly, patiently, reaching out to you with His nail-pierced hands, to help you up and lead you on.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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alpha
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 02:09 am |
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I guess this is a place to be brutally honest ... so, here goes ... I've been wondering if God has "given me over," as it says in Romans. I wonder if I've resisted Grace one too many times.
Ceejay, I had some things I was going to respond to you with, but I wanted to reread Romans 1 before I did. Although, I've be reading and rereading Romans 5, 6, 7 and 8 quite a bit lately, it had been a while since I'd read the first three chapters. Having done so, I think I just read them in a whole new light that I never quite saw before.
Read these two passages together: Romans 1:29 - 2:1
They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them....You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
I don't want to go into too much exposition, but when you tack verse 2:1 onto the end of chapter 1 you 1) get that Paul is writing to Jews 2) get that his point is that the Jews who claim to follow the law don't do it any better than the Gentiles who have given themselves over to all sorts of depravity. After establishing the depravity of the lawless Gentiles, Paul spends the rest of chapter 2 taking an ax to the pedestal that any Jewish person has propped himself up on to say that he is in some superior position because of the law.
Paul is not judging the depraved people who God has given over to their sins. Neither is he white-washing their sin. His condemnation is focused on those who believe the law has given them an advantage over those sinners - and that includes practicing homosexuals. Seriously the whole trust of the first three chapters is telling law-abiding Jews that they are no better than the depraved Gentiles. I never really got that until just now. He ultimately closes his point with the verse we all quote often, "All [Jews and Gentiles] have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
Okay, ceejay, If you are like me I know you are sitting there condemning yourself and saying, "Great, the Jews are just as bad as me - how does that help?" Well actually that is good news because Paul's ministry wasn't even focused on the Jews, it was focused on those depraved Gentiles that God had given over to their sin. So whatever the phrase, "God has given them over" means, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT ONCE GIVEN OVER YOU ARE IRREDEEMABLE. If they were irredeemable why would Paul spend and lose his life trying to tell them of the good news of Christ?
You say I wonder if God has "given me over", but what you mean is I wonder if God has "given up on me". Further, what you are really asking is has God given up on your ability to redeem yourself? And the answer is, yes, He gave up on that a long time ago and that's why he sent Jesus. He has not stopped loving you. He has not stopped accepting you exactly where you are in this moment. He will continue to love you just the same if you never change, improve or get better from where you are today.
So onto a little more personal tale, I have my own opinion of what it means to let God give us over to sin. I was miserable in the church struggling with SSA and porn. I was miserable because I was trying to be perfect and couldn't do it. I was miserable because I was ashamed and dared not speak to anybody what my struggles were. I was miserable because that isolation was the very thing that intensified the struggles. When that level of do-it-myself righteousness collapsed and I had a moral failing, I sidelined myself. I gave up. I couldn't do it. I blamed God. His promises failed. I was done. It didn't change my woundedness, it didn't change my brokeness. But I gave up on God. I said I didn't really care about His commandments anymore. If something looked like it would fill my emptiness then I'd go for it. Then my "struggle" with porn wasn't a struggle anymore. Because I just looked whenever I wanted. I ignored conviction and soon I stopped feeling guilty. I was no longer a porn struggler; I was a porn consumer. In that place, I believe God had given me over to my sin. He still loved me, but I said I wanted to do it my way and He said okay. I took me further down the road than I had ever been but that was where I had to learn that the fulfillment I was looking for wasn't there either. I think when God gives us over to our sin, He just gets out of the way and let's us learn the hard way. But very much like a prodigal son, He's there when we come back.
I had to learn that under the law, I couldn't make myself righteous. I also had to learn that outside the law, I couldn't make myself happy. Once I got to that point, at last, I was broken. And that was when I could finally accept His grace.
What else was there?
Last edited on Wed Apr 25th, 2007 02:12 am by alpha
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gaylon
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 02:20 am |
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alpha wrote:
I had to learn that under the law, I couldn't make myself righteous. I also had to learn that outside the law, I couldn't make myself happy. Once I got to that point, at last, I was broken. And that was when I could finally accept His grace.
What else was there?
Thanks - this post was very helpful to me...
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clean2day
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 05:49 am |
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I think that between TS and alpha just what more could anyone say. I was going to try to tell you what alpha said in the fact I spent so much time trying make myself exceptable to go to Jesus and failing, feeling hopeless and dead. It is when we raise up our hands and cry out that we give up trying to make ourselves perfect and exceptable that we find that is why God came to us in Jesus. It's Jesus that makes exceptable.
I was reading Hosea today and again found myself, the sinner that I am, lifted up with the hope that God still loves even those of us that drift away from Him.
Ch 2:19 I will betroth you to me forever, I will betroth you in <with> rightousness and justice, with love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in <with> faithfullness and you will acknowledge the Lord.
2:23b I will show my love to the one called 'Not My Loved One'. I will say to those called 'Not My People', "You Are My People." and they <ceejay, C2d ect> will say, "You are my God'.
Hosea was told to "take for yourself and adultress wife" and he had three children that were named like those above "unloved, unfaithfull, and not my people" but God said after that he would like Hosea he will take them all back to be His Alone. That is what He is telling ceejay and everyone on these boards, if we will only come to
Him.
Do you know what BETROTH means? It's not just a silly stone in a ring to put on a finger. When God says that he wants to betroth ceejay it means salvation, ceejays salvation!
To live with Him forever.
Before I started to read this morning, well really this afternoon, I work 3rd trick, my mind was telling me that, "Hay, if you write in white, nobody can see what you are writing and then when ever you want to read it all you have to do is block it and change the color. BAM! You can start writting your own stories! You can copy all that good P* save it in white and them people will think it is just some empty pages. Bla Bla bull sh*t...."
I don't want that what I want is freedom and I can only have that in Jesus! No I don't really strugle with ssa but it's all the same thing. I know what the voice tells us, and it only lies to us. The reason I say I don't really struggle with it is because when I was into P* I did have fantiseies about it and did put it into some of my stories. So the question is do I have that ssa to get rid of? When I was dating, and I tryed to act like a gentelman, and not "jump in bed" the first time or until I got to know the girl the rumor was I was gay. Some of the girls even mentioned things as "some of the clothes you ware" "some of the people you seem to be friends with". Anyway whatever and whoever I am Jesus knows me and He loves me and as long as I learn to lean on Him I am His. That is what I have to remember and do: TO LEARN TO LEAN ON HIM and LET HIM DO THE GUIDING then I will be OK.
C2d
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"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
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setfree2
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| Joined: | Thu May 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Iowa USA |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 03:45 am |
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Hey ceejay,
I too struggled with SSA or as the Bible calls it homosexulaity from early teens. At the age of 55 I walked into freedom from viewing porn, self-gratification and homosexual desires. There is a free Bible course at the web site http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com
It is a 60 day course that is biblical based. It is the tool that God used to set me free form this habitaual sin. I have been walking in freedom for 2 1/2 years. PTL>
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IN HIS GRIP
kb
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geeky_student
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 19th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 03:50 am |
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Praise God indeed! 
God is always willing to help us, but we have to want to turn willing to turn. Focus on God!
God bless! Think of Him during the hard times!
i will continue praying for you guys
keep clean
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For God, for her, for my parents, for own good.
tip: when tempted, think of God, think of that special someone you love.
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servant
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| Joined: | Sun Nov 26th, 2006 |
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Posted: Mon Jun 11th, 2007 11:34 pm |
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Cee Jay, I have not checked this email for several months now, so I apologize for responding late. I am in my early 60's and have struggled for years like you. I have found some answers that have helped and I would like to talk to you at length. If you will respond at brother@ohiohills.com I will be able to correspond more readily.
I will walk with you as long as you need me, brother. The Lord is able to do more than you ever realize, plue His love is pure and sweet!
Servant
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