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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 03:16 am |
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Hi Guys,
I need prayer!
I work in ministry and the last three weeks I have been down, emotionally drained and weak due to circumstances in the life of a pastor. I have masturbated almost every night to "fantasies". I am finding my self "looking"! I am afraid I may act on that "looking" and I am afraid. I dont want to hurt God and I dont want to sin against Him.
In the past I have found "temporary" victory and then it all comes back. My nerves are shot and I am tired. I feel lonely and alone. I am not married. I try to be around others but they all have lives of their own.
I am just so tired! Please pray, please just pray.
Thank you all!
Seek Him Out
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 02:12 pm |
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Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray that you will wrap your arms around this pastor who's greatest desire is to serve you, and not sin against you. Please give him opportunities for rest, refreshment, and fellowship, and guard him from the enemy in this stressful time. I pray that you would bring those in to his life, and/or help him to seek them out, who can break the cycle of isolation, loneliness, and acting out.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
TruthSeeker
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Gettinbetter
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Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 03:20 pm |
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Seekhimout,
God bless you brother for coming here. I'm sure you heard about the Ted Haggard thing out here in Colorado. And here's at least part of the problem as I see it. Isolation. When we struggle with sexual sin we crawl into a dark cavern in our hearts and minds. We see this sin as something we just can't discuss with others. Ted Haggard did that. And God used him. But God will not be mocked. He will not allow hypocrisy to go on forever. And Ted Haggard is paying a fearful price.
You, dear brother in Christ, do not have to follow that path. Go to your Lord, beg Him for the strength to come clean and do something. In my own life just recently I was struggling with something other than my sexual addiction. And it was as if the Holy Spirit wispered in my ear, "If you don't change anything, nothing will change."
Now, I know that is a simplistic statement. But it was a truth I was simply ignoring. So, I changed my patterns of behavior and wonderful things are happening because of it.
Now, here's what I suggest. Pray a bunch, and if it seems good to you and the Holy Spirit, go to your pastor and tell him about the statistics you will find on this web site. Just go to the home page and click on statistics. Your church is probably no different than any other church. Half the men there are crippled by sexual sin of some sort.
Start a group. You don't have to call it the sex addicts bible study. Just make an announcement about the statistics you have discovered. And tell all the men in the congregation that you are starting a group where all men can come and deal with their real lives, their real problems, the truth about who they are and the struggles they face just being men alive on this fallen planet.
Think about this. Pray about this. Put it in God's hands. He will step up. He always does. Tell the men in your church that you know and they know that we all struggle with temptation, maybe alcohol abuse, drug addiction, a family in crisis, kids out of control, all the things we think we need to hide to be preceived as "good Christians."
You may not want to divulge your own struggles in other than generic terms, "I struggle with sexual temptation..." God will bring you to a place of safety with one or more other men so you can put it out there and watch God heal your soul.
I will be praying for you, my friend. As will others on this site.
Your brother in Christ,
Matt
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APR
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Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 03:55 pm |
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You got it, I will pray for you brother!
I know it's like to have temporary victory, the five minutes after you fall takes so much out of you.
I also know what it feels like to be at the base of that cliff looking up, thinking am I ever going to get out of this?
You can't climb the cliff with out watching your hand and foot holds so here's my personal signs of somethings not right and I'm gonna crash if I don't do something about it:
1.) Distancing myself from anyone who's "dangerous" (Accountability Partners, Wife, pastor, Close friends who while not "knowing", know me and know when some thing's off)
2.) Aimless surfing the Internet (I still love to find sites and things that I know nothing about, I spent half an hour before bed last night reading about North African railroads, something I know nothing about.) What I'm talking about is when I can't find anything and "that hunger" comes over me...time to shut off and get out of there. Even if I don't even have the urge to look at porn and have the resolve not to, when a urge of being unsatisfied at not finding anything keeps me searching and searching with that not happy I am trying to fill a void feeling (Even if I am trying to fill the void with harmless things like reading about animals -something I do when I can't sleep), It means to me that those urges are breaking loose down in the dark places of the heart, run!
3.) Boredom of any kind. If I find myself bored with church, home, life, roaming around the apartment listlessly, not cleaning when there a ton of things to do, time to really look at myself.
4.) Can't concentrate on prayer or scripture Reading, feeling "not worthy to even pick up my Bible" Not wanting to go to church. Do it anyway. I say this for the obvious reasons (Discipline) and it seems the more I don't feel like praying for what ever reason the more effective it can be...some of the most powerful times I have ever had at church were mornings I was dragged in by my wife with my head down, wanting to be anywhere else.
5.) Don't let the emotions of any other stressful situation sneak in my feelings for giving in. I went through this this weekend and up unto last night with a money issue we are having do to a payroll mistake. Guess what? I was horribly upset, focused on the problem, the whole "Here we are again, we were never going to here again" mind set - yep the same thoughts we have when we fall on the sexual temptations.
6.) I have to apply the principle in all areas of my life that I do when it comes to sexual addiction. Might not be a big surprise to a lot of us, but it came as a shock to me that I couldn't be pure and yet still get mad and run my mouth, be bitter at others etc and still be pleasing to God. It's all connected. Pretty basic one there, but I still sometimes miss it.
I have learned the above from my numerous falls before restarting again this year. I believe what you learn when you do fall is either a crutch or a tool for the next time that temptation comes. I pray about what I am feeling, what I went through, where I fell short, why I fell short. I used to be in total denial when I fell, now as soon as I can after praying about it and admitting my sin, I debrief myself (also talk to my accountably partner or other trusted people on this)
I hope this makes sense and is not too long winded for you.
Praying for you,
Art
Last edited on Tue Feb 13th, 2007 03:59 pm by APR
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 01:29 am |
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Thank you TruthSeeker for the prayer! The good Lord knows I need it. How encouraging it is to know some one is praying for you!
Peace and blessings,
SeekHimOut
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 01:31 am |
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Hey Gettinbetter,
Thank you for sharing. I have changed a lot of my habits and places that I shouldnt go. I have stopped going to gyms for a few years now because there is the temptation there. When I serve God and others I find it takes my mind off myself which is awesome. But it is the "down times" that I have trouble with.
Thank you for your prayers and your testimony!
Peace and Blessings,
SeekHimOut
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 01:32 am |
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Hey APR,
I can relate so much. Thanks for sharing and your prayers! I am going to take all this information in along with the others who have shared and "process" it. All I know is I am weak but God is strong and I want His desires to be my desires.
Peace and blessings,
SeekHimOut
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 04:04 am |
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Hey All,
Today was better and I can feel your prayers. Thank you. I did mastubate but my desires were not like they have been. I praise God for some relief of my desires!
SeekHimOut
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APR
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 11:15 am |
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Hey Brother, how are you doing?
God Bless
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 03:05 am |
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I am still doing "OK" right now. I have struggled and have masturbated a few times but less. I am trying to focus on God. I think my sermon tomorrow will help me. I always pray that the sermon will step on my toes first because how can I preach to them if it wont hold me accountable. I am no better than my congregation. Any way my sermon is on the rapture and being ready. I want to be ready guys...I really do!
Thank you for asking, your prayers and your encouragment!
Jim
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APR
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Posted: Wed Feb 21st, 2007 01:36 am |
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Hey there brother,
just sitting here thinking about you,
How's it going with you?
God Bless
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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SeekHimOut
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Posted: Wed Feb 21st, 2007 01:51 am |
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Hey brother,
Things are a bit better and I can feel the prayers. Today at work (I have a full time day job) I was lusting but God pulled me out of the relatively quick. I cry out to God to help me and He does...but I hate having to cry out to God over this. Know what I mean?
Jim
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APR
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Posted: Wed Feb 21st, 2007 02:14 am |
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I know what you mean, and been there too, but He wants that!
Glad to hear you are doing better
God Bless
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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