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Peter D
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| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: Sat May 7th, 2005 01:57 am |
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Dear Brothers
One of the major problems I have had with trying to stay on the right path is the discouragement of guilt. It drains me of energy and leads me to despair. It is usually at this point when I move into self indulgent activity allowing my lusts to take over. It's my way of easing the anxiety, loneliness and emptiness and is also a way of quieting the emotions I don't want to feel. I have confessed my sins and believe intellectually that I am forgiven, but emotionally I find that some past sins still have a power over me. What is interesting is that the sins that pop up have nothing to do with my past homosexual activity. I'm also talking about events that occured over 20 years ago. I have found too, that many have the same problem and do not know how to shake it. How would you explain this? Where is God in all this?
With Thanks and God's Love
Peter
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mike
Administrator
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Posted: Sun May 8th, 2005 02:08 pm |
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Hi Peter -
You're looking at the heart issues that are driving you to lust, which means you're on the right track !
First, we need someone who can trust who we can meet with and share the specific ares that are causing the guilt/shame. We need to bring those hidden areas to the light, and then allow the Holy Spirit to bring healing ang grace. Healing happens with others, not in isolation. (James 5:16).
>I have confessed my sins and believe intellectually that I am forgiven, but emotionally I find that some past sins still have a power over me.
What you're saying is you've got a wounded heart. When we act out sexually we reveal that there is a hidden part of our heart that is untouched by God's grace - and that what we believe in our heart and what we know in the head are 2 different things.
>I'm also talking about events that occured over 20 years ago. I have found too, that many have the same problem and do not know how to shake it. How would you explain this?
It was the same with me, and everyone else who I've worked with. We use lust as a false comfort mechanism; a substitute for love. When guys come to our group I ask them to describe their relationship with their fathers, and some 95% have had father wound issues. Others have serious abuse issues. Somewhere along the line we get hurt, or we buy into the idea that we can't be loved as we are (and that God can't or won't love us) so we look for love elsewhere. Until these roots are exposed and resolved, the spiritual pull to lust will still be there. This is why sexual sobriety isn't enough, and support groups and finding accountability are only the beginning of the path to true freedom. We've got to get to the root of what is driving us to lust.
Where is God ? He's here, and He's guiding you; He's holding out His hand to you. The process isn't as fast or easy as we'd like it to be, (for me it took 10+ years) but He's always working. I see a lot of hope in what you're sharing because you're willing to look at the heart of what's going on. A lot of guys get intimidated by emotional pain and try to run from it - which feeds the problem.
Feel free to share more on these boards, or if you like you can email me.
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