| Author | Post |
|---|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Tue Jul 18th, 2006 12:12 am |
|
I have went to my Pastor many times about my husbands addiction. My husband is in leadership of sorts. Not once has Pastor ever talked to my husband about this problem. I am so frustrated with my Pastor I do not know what to do.
My hubby has suggested that we find a new church. He is upset with Pastor for other reasons. What do you guys think?
|
Billyeah
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 27th, 2005 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 235 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Wed Jul 19th, 2006 10:46 pm |
|
I think you have a pastor who is not doing his job. I don't know how big your church is or how busy he is, but if you have told him about one of his members who has strayed into grave sin and he does nothing, look for a new church,
Just my two cents
God Bless
Bill
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 12:36 am |
|
I think you are right. Our church is not very big. 150 memebers maybe. It is just sad when you can't even turn to the Pastor for help.....
|
Joel2:25
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 26th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 126 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 12:44 am |
|
Must agree. My husband went to a tiny church ... maybe 20 adults in morning worship ... it wasn't like the pastor was having problems keeping track of his flock. My husband was the adult SS teacher, and worship team leader. I went and begged for help and the pastor's wife told me to "bite my tongue" and the pastor basically laughed in my face.
This I believe: if you have someone in a position of leadership who is in such sin, the church will NOT be blessed. If you go to the pastor for help and he will not help you, and turns his head the other way, the church is DEAD.
Last edited on Thu Jul 20th, 2006 12:44 am by Joel2:25
|
Billyeah
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 27th, 2005 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 235 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 12:46 am |
|
He should have helped by now. I would confront him with your concerns first before you leave though. Ask him why he hasn't talked to him yet. Let him know what you expect from a pastor. Don't come down on him, just express your concern. If he is a good pastor he will be happy you did, instead of just leaving without a word. If you are in a church of only 150 people, they will notice your gone, so it might be good to talk before you leave.
Once again, Just two cents. I am not a counselor so if someone else has better advice, by all means try that.
God Bless
Bill
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 01:07 am |
|
What I'm interested to know is:
Is your husband actively seeking help* for his addiction?
(*i.e. What I mean by "actively seeking help" would be doing some or all of the following: Attending a group, has strong measures of accountability, is seeing a counselor regularly, is showing a marked change in behaviors, attitudes and habits in many areas of his life.)
Whether or not your husband is truly in recovery and working hard at getting free is a major factor here, in my mind.
As for the church situation, it sounds pretty dead. I'd be suspicious that your pastor has sexual integity problems himself.
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 01:13 am |
|
What I'm interested to know is:
Is your husband actively seeking help* for his addiction?
(*i.e. What I mean by "actively seeking help" would be doing some or all of the following: Attending a group, has strong measures of accountability, is seeing a counselor regularly, is showing a marked change in behaviors, attitudes and habits in many areas of his life.)
Whether or not your husband is truly in recovery and working hard at getting free is a major factor here, in my mind.
Yes, to all...thank God!!!!
I'd be suspicious that your pastor has sexual integity problems himself.
Well, his wife and I use to be best friends and i do know that about ten years ago he was a Pastor at a Church in another state and was asked to leave because he had an affair with their babysitter. He and his wife was having huge marriage problems last year, she spent a few nights at my house, but she never came right out and said what the problems were about. Has to make one wonder. All I can do is pray for them.
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 03:34 am |
|
Tears, I praise the Lord your husband is doing what he needs to do! I'm telling you, when a guy just starts "getting real" with people in his real life and takes on the many disciples of recovery, I've seen freedom can come fairly quickly. Perhaps you could start another thread about this, but I'd be interested in learning about the ways your husband has changed on a deeper level with regards to his attitude, his heart, his habits and his ways he communicates with you.
Now as for your pastor, well ... I think you can see the writing on the wall. You obviously have a tough choice about what to do, whether to 1) leave and find another church, or 2) confront your pastor. Neither sounds like much fun.
Okay, one more question:
If your husband has been working hard on his recovery, why were you going to your pastor? (Or were you approaching your pastor before your hubby really turned the corner, so to speak?) I don't mean to be nit-picky, but I am just curious about some of the context of this.
Oh! One more thought. You know, a possibly good way to take on the "confronting" issue if you take that route, would be to share your heart with the wife of the pastor. Share your pain and what you've been through, and maybe she'll open up a bit about what she's been through. Then at some point, maybe the pastor's wife could say "enough is enough" and you could be there to support her. Just a thought.
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20th, 2006 04:04 am |
|
Perhaps you could start another thread about this, but I'd be interested in learning about the ways your husband has changed on a deeper level with regards to his attitude, his heart, his habits and his ways he communicates with you.
I will do that as soon as I get a chance. Maybe in the morning....
If your husband has been working hard on his recovery, why were you going to your pastor? (Or were you approaching your pastor before your hubby really turned the corner, so to speak?) I don't mean to be nit-picky, but I am just curious about some of the context of this.
This was before....His words to me was this "How often do you have sex with your husband? Maybe you should do something diff, your a hair stylist, how about changing your hair." I just stood there with my mouth wide open. i knew at that point that he did not understand.
Oh! One more thought. You know, a possibly good way to take on the "confronting" issue if you take that route, would be to share your heart with the wife of the pastor. Share your pain and what you've been through, and maybe she'll open up a bit about what she's been through. Then at some point, maybe the pastor's wife could say "enough is enough" and you could be there to support her. Just a thought.
That was a thought at one time. I have shared with her many times and she has prayed and cried with me, but never said anything about their problems other then she thought at one time he was seeing someone when he went out of town.
If I leave I will do it right, I will let them know why I am leaving. I once thought I needed God to tell me to make a move, but I know God does not want me under that kind of leadership. My husband made a powerful statment once. I asked him if he would go to Pastor and he said "The man does not even have his own house in order, how is he suppose to tell me how to get mine in order?" He has a point.
This site is such a blessing to me, it helps me cope and it helps me knowing I can maybe help another women that is going through this, if I can do that the battle was worth it.
|
Current time is 10:10 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS