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Seeking God
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 05:16 pm |
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This has been a question to me,
I know that it's a bit private, but I have to risk it, because I don't know where to ask for advice.
I've been in a leadership in my church for 5 years, and during those times, it was an up and down moments for me, I'd have 1 month of non-acting out, and then fall to temptations, and then another month, and then acting out, pretty soon the circle tightens, the trap closes, and I'd have daily acting out, before vowing to God to "never do it again", and broke it again...
Now, I've been freed for 2 months,
yet, I'm still having trouble confessing my sins, I should of run in the path of honesty and humility, God wants me to seek advice and help, but instead, I end up giving advices and sharing good news about my newfound freedom.
Something tells me that I need to give up my leadership...
To take a break
But I don't have heart... I see all the people that need "my" help
And I want to help, I want to share... I want to help direct them to God.
But,
I can't have the courage to tell them the truth, about me... acting out now and then...
I've told some of my closest friends... but I found it very difficult to share to my group.
I really-really thought about leaving my leadership
My pastor doesn't encourage that,
He says that "leaving leadership will not help you, instead you will lose your chance to love, and instead the temptation of isolation will increase, and that is the last thing you need"
But I have this huge pride problem.
And I guess I just want to be bench warmer in my church, just a nobody, so I don't have to worry "staining" my reputation and become a stumbling block to others.
Ah well...
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sam
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 05:55 pm |
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it is a huge temptation to want to sit back and just be fed at church. to not have an active role that involves sacrificing time & energy. i have struggled with the same problem. should i step down from what i know god has led me to do as far as leadership?? how can i be effective with sin in my relationship with god?? can he still use me?? this doubt is not something limited to lay people in the church. i have a youth minister friend who has at times had the same doubts about making a difference in the kingdom. i don't know if any of the underlying issues he was having had to do with sexual impurity, but i can tell you that he has a heart for god and his people. he is definitely being used by god. i think that where you have to draw the line as far as withdrawing from leadership would be if no. 1 you have no remorse for when you fail your tests with temptations and you have no intention of stoping yourself from doing the things you know are wrong & no. 2 if the position you are in could lead you to commit the sin you are tempted by. if god wants you to continue in the position you are in, he will allow you the free will to withdraw but i guarantee you will know that you are not in his will because you will be miserable.
my pastor said one time that we all struggle with sin and the sins he struggles with now are not the same as the ones he had trouble with in the past. if you are a growing christian, you are in the process of becoming more like christ but you will never achieve that perfection until we are in heaven. i would just suggest for you to pray that if it is god's will that you take a break, he would clearly let you know and if not, that he would give the strength to keep going. i will be in prayer for you too.
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Paulos
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 06:45 pm |
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Seeking God,
The right reason to be involved in a ministry of leadership is not that people need "your" help, but that God has called you to it, so that you are not free to glorify him and find fulfilment in any other line of work.
If we had to be perfect before we could minister, the church would have no ministers.
Some sins are both so grave in themselves and of such a public nature that they exclude a person from being an example to others in Christian leadership. So far I don't think you've confessed anything on this board that fits that category. In helping you discern this, your pastor's advice is to be taken seriously. You're alarmed to find in yourself a weakness tending toward habituation or, perhaps, addiction to certain unacceptable sexual behaviors, but they aren't the gossip of your church at large, you haven't taken advantage of anyone entrusted to your care, and as far as the threat to your personal freedom goes, you're seeking help from key people close to you, including your brother, your pastor, and others, and are getting some measure of success in the fight (early days yet).
If you keep in close touch with those with whom you've shared your struggle, I agree with your pastor's view that a major change may not be recommended at this time.
Bear in mind Paul's advice: "It is better to marry than to burn" (1 Corinthians 7:9). For many this is the practical solution. Maybe you should be praying specifically and earnestly for a wife?
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guitarist63
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 07:22 pm |
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Seeking God,
As stated by others replying, you minister in your church because of a calling from God and He uses the weak ones of this world. You are repentant of your sins - you do not have the desire not to stop them so I encourage you to continue. You're used by God here and please let Him use you in your church.
It's good that you're making steps to meet with people to confess sins.
Last edited on Sat Oct 27th, 2007 12:59 pm by guitarist63
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Seeking God
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Posted: Sun Oct 28th, 2007 02:07 am |
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Thank for your post Paulos!
It's very true, Why can I forget such an important thing?
Serving is God's calling... hm...
I'll take time to pray, really ask Him, do He still want me to lead?
What is the real issue here? is it really leadership? I will ask Him to open my heart.
Tonight (God's willing), I'm going to have a private talk with my pastor... Please pray so I can be honest (truly honest) with him.
Re. Marriage, I understand what's your point Paulos, I'm in love with a woman, she is my bestfriend for 6 years now, and we encourage, and rebuke each other. When my mind is "right", I love her sooo much, I'm willing to do anything for her, but when my mind is "filthy", I lose my interest in her, I still love her... but quite desensitized and numb...
So, I've become afraid...
I know she loves me
and I do too
But, I'm afraid, I'd wreck this one...
I've made a resolution, that after one year of freedom, I will ask her to be my girlfriend, because I love her so much, I don't want to hurt her. (I don't know if this is wise or not, but I've prayed about it, does it make it a vow to God?)
When does a man ready for a relationship?
Can some one share it with me?
THanks for your posts,
Guitarist, Sam...
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Paulos
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Posted: Mon Oct 29th, 2007 04:03 pm |
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Seeking God,
To discuss your intentions with God in prayer is not the same as making a vow. A vow is a solemn promise: if God will do such and such for you, then you place yourself under a sort of contract and are bound to do in return whatever you promise to him. In contrast, God wants to hear all our plans as we go along, even those that are in formation and likely to change. He understands that we don't see the future as he does, that we have to learn as we go, that our plans sometimes have to be revised.
To take decisive steps against an old porn/masturb. habit before you get married is wise, because no one wants to carry such a thing into marriage. On the other hand, Paul says, "If they do not have self-control, they should marry." He doesn't say, "If they do not have self-control, let them wholly achieve control apart from marriage before they marry." Marriage itself is meant to offer, in part, a remedy for weakness and a help toward sanctification.
I think you should be flexible and not necessarily impose on yourself a rigid requirement of one year of complete freedom first. If you have known and loved this girl for 6 years, and if the most shameful of your sexual declensions have been only in the last 5 or so, might there even be a connection between not following through with marriage and taking the resulting sexual frustrations down alternate avenues? We must be rigorously honest, not only about our transgressions, but also about our legitimate desires. "If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry" (1 Corinthians 7:36).
A man is ready to marry when he is socially, emotionally and financially independent of his parents; when he has a clear idea of his vocational direction; and when he knows a girl who shares his vision for that vocation, who loves him in return, and who will say yes when he proposes marriage.
25 is an excellent age to be thinking about marriage: mature enough to have a man's view of the issues just outlined; and young enough to adapt and grow together with his young partner.
If I were in your shoes I would pray and seek advice about this now.
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Seeking God
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Posted: Tue Oct 30th, 2007 12:10 pm |
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Dear Paulos,
Thank you for your wisdom filled post. You seemed like an older brother to me, giving wonderful advices! 
Re. my relationship with her, I am truly grateful to God, that He have kept it free from any immorality, I love her so much, I can't even imagine "using her". It was filthy! and disgusting. Yet again, I know, that it is God's wish for a man to know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor.
I began to see 2 conflicting thoughts,
Do let me share with you...
1. "I can't depend on marriage to set me free" which is true, because only Christ can set me free.
2. "But it is God's will for you to be married!" which is true!, if this is His way, then I should follow right?
1. "I have made a vow, a vow to be free for 1 year before any relationship" which is half true, because I want my 1 year freedom to be sort of like a present for God... which is false because I cannot free my self... my freedom is actually His gift for me... but true, because... yea... I made that promise.
2. "Am I taking this relationship into my hands? this is God's will!" which is true, the progress in my relationship with her is all because of God, I love her because she have the courage to rebuke my isolation (nope, I don't confess her my sexual sins but she felt times when I drew back to my cave, and challenged me to get OUT of there), because she is Godly....
Do share your thought....
I will fast on this also, I will pray for this.
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Paulos
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Posted: Wed Oct 31st, 2007 12:17 am |
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Seeking God,
Marriage alone (without Christ's blessing) is not to be depended on to set one free. Christ is indeed the ultimate source of freedom. But Christ may set one free through a marriage, he may choose to use that remedy as his means. This is what Paul has in mind in 1 Corinthans 7:9.
Regarding the idea of a whole year of freedom first, you said earlier you made a "resolution" and "prayed about it," not knowing whether it was wise. I don't interpret that as a promise or a vow to God, and I don't see the length of the period of time as completely binding. Bear in mind that even after one gets engaged it takes a number of months to plan a wedding (I assume this is true in Indonesia as it is in the USA and Europe).
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Seeking God
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 12:32 pm |
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Well,
Here is the kicker Paulos...
When I asked for advice from my pastor, he said, "It's up to you... The Bible do not speak about the timing of marriage", then he quoted the 1cor7:38
So then both he that giveth his own virgin daughter in marriage doeth well; and he that giveth her not in marriage shall do better. (1Co 7:38)
But then he added, "this is only my opinion, but God can use single men in such a way that only single men can..." then he talks about, going to mission trips, evangelistic stuffs, leading group, etc...
I definitely need time to pray hard
Haven't done that though...
Thanks for your replies
God Bless
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Paulos
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 03:42 pm |
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Seeking God,
Yes. If God gives you the charisma to live a happy, cheerful, and fulfilled life through completely renouncing sexuality, then you will serve him most freely in celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:25-35). If, on the other hand, in the course of your friendship with a young woman it becomes plain that you cannot be happy, cheerful, or fulfilled without a total union with her, then you will only have the strength you need to serve God if you are married (1 Corinthains 7:36-8).
Peter was married and Paul was not. Both served God in Christian leadership.
Each state is a charisma, a special gift, from God (1 Corinthians 7:7). Which one is God's gift to you is to be discerned, not by looking at the options theoretically and choosing the one that strikes your imagination, but by being rigorously honest with yourself and with God as you take stock of your actual life-situation: your friendships, your personal history, your demonstrated strengths and weaknesses, experiences that gave you joy and experiences under which you have chafed.
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