| Author | Post |
|---|
In Need To Talk with women in same situa
Member
| Joined: | Sat Apr 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 22 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 02:00 am |
|
cruicified123
Thank you-yes New Life Ministries. Monday @ work. I see you are still dealing with the misery of it all as well. Sorry for your pain and troubles.
Again this week I found old stashed stuff. He obvoiusly had it everywhere. I again talked with him. We talked at length of the entire scope of possibilities for us/him/me. He again told me, that he loved me and was getting help and did not wish me to leave. I again voiced my feelings and my sense of no self worth as a person. I have actually in the past several months thoight to cause myself harm and that it wouldn't matter to anyone anyway. Then I tell my self, it would matter to me-I cannot continue to feel the inner pain and panic attacks. My counseling appt. is not till the 15th so I'm struggling. THIS avenue has helped me so much-I at least do not think I'm crazy and stupid for thinking he is wrong in thinking his thinking he is fine.
Everytime I find his crap, it bothers and reminds me all over again of his total lack of caring about what is going on around him/us/our family.
He said he talked with our daughter finally about the stuff I found on the computers, that some video clips dated back to May 2005. He told her he had a problem and it wouldn't happen again. I pray that is true-I know I couldn't take it again. The texting, emailing, calling, sending his video out/swapping videos-too much to deal with.
Thank you again-keep us/me in your prayers
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
____________________
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
|
Suzi
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 02:16 am |
|
Linda,
I am so glad you are back posting here. For me, in the darkest times, it was an online support group that kept me here (on this earth) breathing. It seemed like there wasn't enough HUMAN support in my circle of life to help me. So the online connection helped me remember that I wasn't the ONLY one going through all the pain of betrayal.
You know how God promises to work ALL things out to our good when we love Him? (Rom 8:28)... well, in the midst of a putrid problem like this, it seems near impossible that anything GOOD could come of this. But God is the God of miracles and impossible situations... and just like Sarah laughed at the men telling her she would bear a son in her old age, NOTHING is impossible with God.
So hold on tight... not just for others, or for yourself... but for GOD! He is giving you the breath you need to get through each day, so I don't think He is done with you yet! I am suspecting He still has a marvelous purpose for you and your life and ministry here on this earth. Don't let your life be defined by your H's failures, OK?
Hugs and prayers headed your way!!! Catch them!!! OK?
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
|
In Need To Talk with women in same situa
Member
| Joined: | Sat Apr 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 22 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 02:30 am |
|
Tropical Storm
THANKS for the hugs- always needed!!!
YES, ugly it is when we converse; everytime!!!!
He has already, as I've shared shown anger I did not know he had.
I'll make it to the library for the Tough Love book. I also plan to contact New Life Ministries as soon as possible.
He committed today to work toward correcting his behavior. I again told him how it makes me feel and was honest with him about my already feeling several times (the past 7 months) like I should remove myself from this world because of how I was feeling-I saw no way out of my situation and was truly not ready to again be alone in this world.
No, I know he didn't realize till the first of last month that I was again on to his crap. This time it was much harder personaly for me to come out with my knowledge, because this time is was not just on line viewing, videos, etc.. But now, the looking out specific women, searching, video swapping (his own yes), texting, talking on the phone meeting women even.
This time was the it for me and I needed enough real concrete details. I know I do not deserve to be treated like this-no matter what I have ever in my life done. You see, he denies till it's proven actually have done things. Then he admits that thing only. He denied sending out his 3 versions of his dick viedo till I showed him where he'd sent it out. He denied meeting people till I proved it-he'd lie and use anything as an excuse.
I pray that he is truly sorry and knows that his only option is to correct/change this time. His job is at home alot and online alot-both against us getting a positive solution from this mess. I pray we can get thru this and find our way back to one another. I cannot stand feeling so alone and lonely. We talked the other day and explained that I needed hugs and to feel that he cared for me. I assured him that I liked him/loved him.
Please continue to pray for us/me while we survive this mess.
Hugs and prayers,
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
____________________
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
|
In Need To Talk with women in same situa
Member
| Joined: | Sat Apr 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 22 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 02:48 am |
|
cruicified 123
Yes, I tired of being made to feel like the one wrong in this situation. I know I am not. I wiil look at the library for the book. Thank you.
My feeling like I'm wrong is over. My looking to my future is what is real now. As long as my H decides to do what is right, he will be in my future. I will no longer out of fear of again being alone in life and loosing the 2 lovely girls (1 step and 1 medical nightmare adoption{that he and the first wife began 16 years ago} that lives with us). I can and will follow through and leave this time.
Everytime I have confronted him in the past with his mess, he's pledged it is over-not again(since we've been married 8+ years) over and over. This time it was so far out there weird, hurtful and destructive, I know there will never be a next time.
Please continue to pray fo us/me in this mess we call our life,
Hugs and prayers,
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
____________________
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
|
In Need To Talk with women in same situa
Member
| Joined: | Sat Apr 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 22 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 03:36 am |
|
Suzi
Tried to email u and it wouldn't go thru. THANKS FOR THE HUGS - DAILY NEEDED THANKS!!!
I then decided that if he wanted to come and read-at least he'd learn more than actually what he and other men are doing to women by degrading them with that filth and the hurt/lies. It will be his choice whether I stay or go. He knows what it will take-it has been made over clear-again today!
I need this to talk, read and feel not quite so alone in my heart broken stomped on place I am in. I work lots ( I instruct ladies on public assistance on how to improve their lives-ettiquette, ethics, word, excel, + common sense things for most of us) kinda emotional stuff- some get it some don't. It feels good- hard work though.
He knows what all I do and he is picky about lots of dusting and vacuuming things- he's our cleaner-I do the girls. He today told me he did that out of love for us-I know it's because he is picky and I refuse to see him do it again after I do it. It is his control thing. I know we all have those things-I told him not to never again throw it in my face when things are going wrong if he truly WANTS to do those thing s for us.
I did think that with all I'd been through in my past that this was my true purpose for survivng my personal nightmare of life. Our little one is 16 and just 72 # in a little girls size 8 clothes and size 1 girls shoe. She was 32 # and size 4 just 8 years ago when we met. She still has huge issues and takes love a patience-but she also rewards you daily with those hugs, smiles and I love you Mommy. She is so special and is doing so much better. She gets botox in her legs to help her walking and her eyes have been worked on twice now. She'll never read or write -but still has so much potential to live a great Jesus filled life. She has been the only bright spot in my life during the last 6-7 months.
I'm holding on tight to my sanity, life wishes and hope. There is lots more DARK TO COME - I KNOW IT! GOD does get me through most days-but without this outreach, I DO NOT THINK I'D HAVE ANYTHING TO GIVE MY LITTLE ONE OR MY LADIES @ WORK.
I just want to be close to being the person I was whe I met my H. I wish I could laugh, joke, feel ok inside, feel free to not be on edge all the time, just be the me I was.
I'm not sure if I can still find that person. I'm not sure she exists. I know that's who he fell in love with. But that's also the person he initially did these things to. Little by little, I focused on the yard, the girls, anything else. Not things for fun-just things to fill the void that kept growing between me and the man I met, couldn't be without and needed, plus the girls too.
I know wishes don't generally come true - but I now only wish for her to come back. I NEED HER TO COME BACK-SHE WAS STRONG AND HAD SURVIVED child sexual abuse/miscariage at age 9, a physically abusive marriage and having to run for almost 6 years to live safe. She still had life and strength and laughed and felt good about herself. I currently feel none of the above! PERIOD! I can no longer take myself. Which is why I guess I've had the bad feelings about hurting myself. I have felt there was nothing left in this entire world for me!
I pray for help to get back to that person or some simblance of her. I know my husband certainly can't stand this bitter person he has helped to create-I know I can't. If he felt I wasn't enough before, how can he deal with me as I try to get better in this and deal with my hurts/wounds daily??
As he gets no lovin now, how is he going to be strong to overcone this mess-I just cannot find it in myself to let myself go there. Not that the bedroom has been a good place for us for a while. We have had an invisible nude, tanned, hairless, ready for anything, squirming, moaning, lubed and prepped for his instant gratification WOMAN in our bed BETWEEN US for a long time!!!!!
I need to feel some reason to survive htis mess. That there will be some kind of decent like out there if we do come through this - together! tHAT i CAN LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY AND AGAIN. My life is so messed up and I continue to feel hopeless and out of control. I need to feel it will be ok. I need to not have to cry and hurt so much.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words - I would have truly be lost without yours and others at this time.
Please continue to pray for me/us as we begin to sort through this mess we call life.
Hugs and prayer to you - Linda M
____________________
Linda M In need to talk with women in same situation
|
Current time is 08:03 pm | Page:   1 2 |
|
|
|
RSS