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john316
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Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 09:10 pm |
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Hello. Despite my login in name (john316) I am a female. That just happens to be my favorite scripture. I am a wife of a porn user. I have been reading this forum for a few hours now, and I see many of the things I have asked myself about showing up here, which is somewhat of a relief. Just briefly - I found out about my husband's porn use just a few months ago. I had guessed it for a long time, but he had lied determinedly, and it was only when he could no longer lie about it that he came clean. Since then, he says he has not used online porn. But I don't know whether I believe him.
One thing that does make me suspicious is that we get constant porn-based spam email to our home computer. I know that everyone gets some spam, but sometimes ours is not sexual and other times it is very sexual. When it is porn based, I wonder whether he has been looking at porn sites.
I know how to look up the files on my computer, this was how I found out about his porn use, but I know he knows how to do that too, and how to delete them, so that doesn't help me at all.
I'm very scared and upset, and I don't know whether I want to continue on in this marriage with a man who I simply cannot trust. I have suggested counseling but he hasn't made any move to find any. He bought a book but hasn't read it. I don't know where to go from here.
I should add that, when he first admitted it, he seemed truly sorry and repentent. I just don't know if he meant any of it, or whether it has just faded over time.
thank you, Mary.
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Relying on Faith
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| Joined: | Wed Jan 24th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 21 |
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Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 09:34 pm |
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Hi Mary. I am in the same boat as you. I do not have too much time to write - but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Everything that you are feeling and thinking - I am thinking and feeling too - and I am sure there are a lot of other women thinking it as well.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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splendor
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 30th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 42 |
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Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 11:16 pm |
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Welcome John316 to a place I wish you didn't need to find yourself- wish none of us did. First let me say that most all sex addicts are remorseful and ashamed when found out, and I don't see it as an act, they are. They know they are out of control and have failed at repeated attempts to quit.
I really think that any spouse who finds themselves married to a sex addict needs to find a good Dr. who has taken the extra classes to study Sexual Addiction. From what I've learned, although the acts of infidelity are most painful and sinful, these are only the symptoms of the addiction and the root is what must be dealt with or repaired. A professional is needed.
I found the Dr. for my husband and gave him the number to call, after that it was his responsibility to follow through- which he did immediately. If he hadn't I very well would have asked for a separation. He was scared and confused at the time and I think the little "push" of finding the Dr. was a good move. God Bless You and your Family.
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mumof7
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| Joined: | Thu Feb 8th, 2007 |
| Location: | Perth, Australia |
| Posts: | 75 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 04:13 am |
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I pray that you find godly help and encouragement to press on and know His ways for you. I think that there definately needs to be more openness from his part and some sort of counselling or accountability. These and other steps will help restore the encouragement and help with the healing. There are many posts etc on this site which are so encouraging and helpful. Have you got any support?
Blessings
mumof7
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Praise6
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| Joined: | Sat Jul 16th, 2005 |
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Posted: Fri Feb 16th, 2007 05:43 pm |
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If he had accessed porn in the past then the spam could be from that. It could be recent but the porn spammers do not give up. You might want to try getting a new clean email account.
Trust can come back. It did in my relationship and my husband did really stupid porn and sex related things for the first 15 years or our marriage.
Is your husband a believer?
Last edited on Fri Feb 16th, 2007 05:44 pm by Praise6
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