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Broken Angel
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 18th, 2007 |
| Location: | North Carolina USA |
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Posted: Mon Jan 22nd, 2007 03:12 pm |
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Here is a question that I wish someone could help me with...it has been weeks now, and this morning (again, the norm) he left for work..Iwas writing in my sheduler thinga for today and he walks in (not all the way) and say's : bye baby. No kiss, no hug and he will not make eye contact. This has me very concerned for two reasons ...1) we are not fighting. 2) we are still talking.
What can possibly lead to this? My daughter came in this morning before leaving for high school and states , mom I missed the bus..she says he is in the shower and has agreed to take her to school, (after an hour of praying) which is very good. But , her bus comes, and she get's on, I go into living room to notice him watching her getting on bus. (staring) I do not know, maybe I over reacted. I tell him that the bus came and she got on, and he says..oh ..ok. He knew, he watched? Am I missing something here. I then call him on it and tell him I saw him watching her get on the bus, he says he was fixing the curtain.
Then , that leads to No eye contact and him popping in and saying bye. No..I love you, no kiss, no hug. No eye contact. He has been like this forever. I am starting to feel bitter and wondering what the problem could be? WHAT am I missing?
Please enlighten me on this...
Bless all of you and your struggles..
Your sister in Christ,
Laura
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Mon Jan 22nd, 2007 11:01 pm |
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Hi Laura,
I wasn't able to follow all of this post, even though I read it twice. Your daughter said she missed the bus, but didn't, Was your H claiming he needed to leave earlier than normal to take her?
You may have said something like this, but if you haven't...
"Honey, I'm feeling somewhat insecure right now, with all we have been through, and I'd sure enjoy a good hug and kiss when you're leaving for work."
You could even come straight out and ask him why he has stopped doing this, but that might make him more defensive.
TruthSeeker
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TimM
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Posted: Mon Jan 22nd, 2007 11:33 pm |
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I'm a little confused about the situation, too.
A big cause of distance is hiding somehing. I get away because I'm afraid of what you might see, or might ask. What's hard to tell from here is whether he is afraid because he is still acting out or because he feels that even though he has quit all he gets is questions to which he can't see an end. This is why maybe counseling to try to tease apart those possibilities might be good. Of course, it's also possible that he is distant because he's having a stressful day for some reason unrelated to you and to his addiction.
I guess that's a long way of saying, "I don't know," which is not the most helpful response, but is what I've got.
It's so hard when you're in the middle of it to tell what are the big things and what are the little ones!
Tim M.
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Broken Angel
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Posted: Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 12:28 am |
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Truth seeker,
What I am saying is that ...he is NO longer making eye contact with me, when and if I ask him anything. He no longer call's me to let me know he made it safely to work. And if...if he call's, it is after lunch. Here are the problems...
1) He comes to bed begrudgenly.
2) Does not touch me, or talk to me.
3) Is angry all the time.
I give up. I do not know what to think or feel anymore. I refuse to ne a CO-DEPENDENT of a Addict. This is his addiction, not mine. I did not cause it and it is NOT my fault. He can either be honest or leave.
Broken
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Broken Angel
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Posted: Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 04:35 am |
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Truth seeker and others...
Please forgive my last post. I have prayed and asked for forgiveness of my anger and thoughts. I have turned my husband over to the Lord, where I should have to begine with. It really amazes me how he is such a kind and loving God..and knows in our sadest moments when we cry out for him, just how to comfort us.
On the flip side..I have made an appointment (huge step) OMgoodness...to talk to my pastor about this issue and my fears and pain. I am praying that it will be easy to tell him all, as this man is my pastor. I know , I should be able to talk to him about anything, but this is my husband. I wonder if he will look differently at him or be kind and offer help to him as well. (In my husbands time, when he is ready to go to pastor) I pray that he will, maybe my pastor will arm me with more tools against satan and his attempts to destroy me and our marriage.
Please pray for my husband ...my children, and for me. Thank you all for being so kind to me and posting, it really does help. I am grateful to this forum. And all the people in it.
Praise God, Bless you...
Broken (but trying to heal)
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 06:29 am |
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Hello (TryingToHeal), :-)
I am so glad that you are reaching out! Hopefully, since the church has a recovery program, your pastor will have knowledge of addictions in general, and maybe even SA in particular.
I pray that your H will consider joiining you, as it sounds like issues may run deeper than the SA, or recovery is not at the point he claims.
Praying for all of you...
TruthSeeker
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Gettinbetter
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Posted: Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 06:44 am |
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Broken,
Please don't feel you need to apologize. If there is anywhere you can go to vent in a safe environment it is here. Go ahead, let it out. There are so many people here that understand and will listen without judgement.
When I look at your itemized list I suspect that your husband is still in his addiction. I am a 55 year old man who has been addicted to pornography for most of the past 30 or 35 years. His anger, distance, lack of attention to you both affectionately and sexually are tell-tale signs that he is struggling.
And I don't know what you should do. But God does. And I know that that sounds just a little too religious, but it is the only truth we can hang onto. God knows the exact right thing for you to do.
I am reluctant to go here, but you may want to read Psalm 4. Verse 4 talks about meditating in our heart on our bed. I have found great comfort there in my own distress. It is difficult to quiet our minds and listen for God. But it is possible. Tonight, when you go to bed, try to sit quietly, concentrate on your breathing at the top of your stomach, relax.
Don't consciously try to block out any thoughts that stampede through your mind, just don't follow them down the path. Breathe slowly, easily and relax. You will feel your heartbeat slow, your breathing ease and grow deeper, the tension leave. And then allow God to speak to you. He loves you. You are his daughter. Listen. He will speak in that still small voice only for you.
And I say this not for you only, but for all the wives out there who read this, you women who have been hurt and humiliated by your husband's sexual sin. I am such a husband. And I would give anything not to have sinned against God and my wife. But I did. And your husbands did. And nothing can change that.
But there is a God who loves you. And He is the God of the resurrection, the God of new life, the God of hope, the God of comfort. In Him you will find all that you need.
On behalf of all of us, the men who have fallen, I ask your forgiveness.
For what it's worth, Broken Angel, I will be praying for you.
Matt
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