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TimM
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Posted: Sun Jan 21st, 2007 01:56 pm |
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Friends,
As an addict, I have always been pretty careful to stay out of this forum, assuming it is intended for wives to communicate among themselves in situations where you are not looking for input from addicts. It's important that there be such a place, and I want to respect this forum as that place.
Last night I violated that principle and posted her a number of times in response to questions Broken Angel asked which I thought might more easily be answered by an addict with some 12-step experience. Broken Angel seemed to appreciate my replies.
Could I therefore make a proposal?
One of the things I think is most important about boards like this is the opportunity they offer for addicts and spouses to interact with one another. Addicts benefit from that, because we see afresh the pain we have caused, and because that pain can be easier to accept and to process when it is not coming from our own spouses, but at a little distance. Spouses, I think, benefit by getting a view of the addict's world from inside, again at a safe distance, and from hearing about recovery both from people for whom it is working and from people who are still struggling. Boards like this are one of the few places where that communication across the divide takes place. I can go to meetings with fellow addicts every night of the week (though I don't), and you can attend meetings for soupses; but it's hard for me to meet and learn from one another.
With that in mind, I'd like to encourage us all to use the General Discussion forum as much as possible. That enables this contact between addicts and spouses, letting us encourage and learn from one another. It might help invigorate this board if more such sharing took place.
I'll continue to respect this forum as something for spouses only, and to read and to post here only with extreme provocation (in this case, seeing BrokenHearted's question on the board's home page). You need this space for yourselves, and it's extremely important that addicts respect that.
But I hope spouses will feel encouraged and welcomed also to post in places where the addicts will also be reading. That lets us learn from you, and lets us offer any insights we may have to your situation. Especially questions of the form, "What do they mean and feel when they say . . ." might be questions where addict input could really be quite useful.
Thanks for listening. Do well in dealing with obviously very difficult situations brought on by people like me.
Tim M.
Last edited on Sun Jan 21st, 2007 01:58 pm by
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Jan 21st, 2007 06:45 pm |
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Hi Tim,
I find your posts thoughtful and welcome wherever they appear. Correspondingly, I have attempted to tread gingerly, when I have had at least an illusion of something pertinent to say, in the more addict oriented sections such as accountability. Noone, thankfully, has chastized me, but I hope that that is more because I was not out of line than tongue-biting "courtesy." *smile*
Just my opinion, but wherever those in recovery feel led to shed the light of candor/transparency is fine with me, though Mike would certainly be able to most enlighten us as to his intent.
TruthSeeker
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eudora
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Posted: Wed Jan 24th, 2007 02:41 am |
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Tim, though admittedly I'm quite new to the site, I welcome hearing your perspective. If anything, I want to talk MORE to men recovering from porn addiction (right now at least) then the wives of these men.
I want to better understand my beloved, to know when what he's telling me is likely bogus, when true, when I need to be compassionate, when to draw the line, how to support him (while keeping myself intact) - in short, what's really going on in his head and how I can best partner with him through his healing.
It just seems that no one can better answer these questions, help me with this, than other men, men who are couragous enough to admit they have a problem & are dealing with it, and who aren't emotionally involved with me so they feel free to be "straight up".
In short, I want to talk to YOU, pick YOUR brain, get YOUR input & advice. True, there's times when us women just need to talk to each other, but I think also it's true we could use input from other men, men not our husbands.
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hurts
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Posted: Wed Jan 24th, 2007 04:39 am |
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I agree with eudora. Today was my first time on the site, and I have gained so much knowledge and comfort already. We need the comfort of others going through what we are, but we also need the hope and advice of the other side. Experiences overcoming it give me hope that it can be done and an idea of how to accomplish it. I pray for all those affected!
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