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Peach86
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| Joined: | Mon May 2nd, 2005 |
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Posted: Wed May 4th, 2005 04:06 pm |
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How do you deal with the anger & betrayal that you feel when you find out the husband you thought loved you & was faithful to you, has been keeping this awful secret of an addiction to pornography?
My husband is a recovering porn addict & my world was crushed when he called from a business trip that he had a prostitute visit him. Was the past 3 years of marriage a lie? I couldn't stand to look at him. That was 14 years ago, but the shame of his addiction is still there. How do you tell family and/or friends? Sometimes I wished he were an alcoholic, at least that seemed a little more acceptable with other people.
Is anyone out there whose family has shunned them because of this addiction? I'll be honest, my parents still don't know about their son-in-law & it's probably best that they never do.
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Linda
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| Joined: | Fri May 13th, 2005 |
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Posted: Fri May 13th, 2005 06:34 pm |
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HI Peach86,
"How do you deal with the anger and betrayal you feel..." It's hard! You mentioned that your husband disclosed the prostitution to you 14 years ago and that the shame of his addiction is still there. That's a long time to feel shame! Have you had anyone to talk to, pray with, or cry with in that time? It really sounds like you need some good friends to share your heart with!
I dealt with the anger and betrayal by realizing who God is and what I mean to Him. I love Isaiah 54:4-6. I also prayed for God to give me friends who could listen to me weep and scream! I needed to let my pain out with people who could understand and support me. I know that sex addiction has a lot of shame surrounding it and some people do not want to talk about it. These are not safe people for you to talk to. Do you know how to find safe people?
Have you read any books or listened to any tapes from the wife's perspective? Reading or hearing other wives talk about their pain really helped me a lot. I learned I wasn't alone and that God cared and could heal my heart.
The family issue is especially difficult. If you don't think you can tell your parents, it might be wise not to. It is really important for you to learn to open up with the right people who can help you heal.
I hope this helps. You are not alone!
Linda
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Peach86
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| Joined: | Mon May 2nd, 2005 |
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Posted: Sun May 15th, 2005 01:58 am |
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Hi Linda,
Thanks for your reply. I guess I wasn't too clear about the shame part. I meant that it's difficult to talk to people about his disease because it's not as readily acceptable as others. People look at you funny and tend to distance themselves - you find out your true friends easily enough.
My husband actually leads a support group now and our church is supporting it so I'm able to talk to the wives from time to time and my friends, as well.
Thanks for your advice, too. It will also help others who look at your post in case they don't know where to turn.
God Bless & thanks, Linda!
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teammom
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| Joined: | Wed Jul 6th, 2005 |
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Posted: Sat Jul 9th, 2005 01:16 pm |
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| Hi Ladies, Alochol=Drugs=Porn=Infidelity=satan. They are just a few of the many masks the "master deciver" has. Peach86, don't wish alocholism on any one, my husband struggles with that too. It's just another way to get high, or escape. I understood what you ment, but want you to understand my husband has both and the same shame for the spouse is equal, no mater alochol or porn. As far as anger and betrayl, I have two Spiritual advisors, Thank you Jesus, and finding people you can trust (Not Family, they're too close to you to be objective) to help you hash it out. Sometimes just venting my anger helped my feelings of betrayal. Maybe forums like this are helpful too. Hearing others talk openly about this helps me to feel Jesus is here and has sent others who hurt too. I believe this site will grow, knowing that so many others suffer from this...(I know because me and a girlfriend talked about it and between the two of us we know of at least a half a dozen others in our small church, who struggle too) This is bound to grow. I was watching a PBS show and how these sickos go into Tiwan and other small, unerdevoluped countries and grab childeren and sell them into the porn industry. A friend of a friends husband was at work in Guam, and he was dabbeling in this at work, the FBI went there and he's now serving "time". I'm not saying our husbands are that low but we can't sweep this under the rug. Our FAMILIES need help and now our Supereme Court Justices are deciding this is a "childs right", internet porn rights, freedom of speech. Pray for our presdent as he appoints a new Justice. Cindy
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