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paytnpaxs
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| Joined: | Wed Dec 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
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Posted: Wed Dec 13th, 2006 08:13 pm |
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I have never been to a site like this, but I thought maybe this might help me understand my husbands problem a little more. My husband has had a problem looking at porn our whole marriage, at first I thought it was normal, but now know it is a problem. In the 3 years we have been married it has gotten better but never really gone away. Our counsler said that if my husband did run across a site to tell me about it and he has once or twice. Recently I had found some things on our computer that I guess he tried to get rid of but for some reason or another God let me see what was going on. I asked him about it and he said he just didn't want to bother me w\ it that I was just so happy. For me it hurts worse to find it, and know we was never gonna tell me. He admits he has a problem w\ it but that it is getting better in time. I wanted to put a filter or somethign on the computer and he said no. He thinks he can do it alone, by self control but I don't think he can it is bigger than he is. I am just not sure what to do. He says that it is his problem and him and God are working on it. It just breaks my heart everytime I find something. and I don't go looking for it God just kinda puts it out there. I want this totally be gone from our marriage. Any advice. I guess I just don't understand it all.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Wed Dec 13th, 2006 09:40 pm |
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Hi P.,
Yes, he is kidding himself. That doesn't mean that his intentions aren't honest, just deceived. I would not suggest being disrespectful and putting a filter on against his wishes, though another incident might warrant that, but you might ask him why he wants to try crossing Niagara Falls on a tight rope when a bridge with rails is handy.
Be sure to read all the articles on the homepage. He is probably running from current and/or past pain, not likely having anything to do with you, probably predating your meeting.
Is that a christian counsellor?
I pray that God will give you wisdom in this, and strength for the journey.
TruthSeeker
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paytnpaxs
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Posted: Wed Dec 13th, 2006 09:46 pm |
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Yes it was a christian counslor it was at our church. I guess my big thing is I don't understand it. Yes he has told me that it dates back from when he was young. I guess just part of me wonders can he really do it w\o help. He is a strong man but is it bigger than him. Or does he really want help. Thanks for the reply.
God Bless
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Praise6
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Posted: Thu Dec 14th, 2006 12:43 am |
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paytnpaxs wrote: . I guess just part of me wonders can he really do it wo help. He is a strong man but is it bigger than him. Or does he really want help.
That is the bottom line. He has to WANT help. Sometimes they need a bit of a shove to get there. The option for him to view porn has to be removed.
For MY husband that option was removed when I had truly had enough. If he veiwed again, we were done. That was after a decade and a half of this junk in our marriage. I was done. It was harsh but there was no other choice for me. I was losing all respect for the man I loved. Each time he veiwed a little bit in me died.
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henny
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Posted: Thu Dec 14th, 2006 04:10 pm |
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P,
As a man who has struggled with this thing for 30 years, I can tell you that your husband can't conquer this alone. It is impossible. You may want to read this article and then give it to your husband.
http://www.afa.net/pornography/re011303.asp
Much like alcoholics or drug addicts, one in a million quits without the love and support of some kind of peer group. You will find in your reading on this site, that we believe the one true path to purity for the sex addict comes through Jesus Christ.
And please make no mistake, this is a difficult battle. There is a war raging in your husband's heart that will destroy him over time. My life has been ruined by pornography. But God is faithful. God is truly good. And God can redeem what has been lost. For me. And for your husband.
I suggest loving patience and support for your husband without compromise. Left to himself this love of pornography will get worse. And he will get better at hiding it, and finding means of indulging in secret. Pornogrpahy addiction is a sinister master, and your husband is in danger of waking up thirty years down the road with a lifetime of regret.
Please know that we will pray for you and your mate.
God Bless.
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