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trulove
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| Joined: | Mon Aug 14th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Aug 15th, 2006 05:31 pm |
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| Hi, My husband has been deployed to Iraq for nearly a year and for most of that time he has been having an affair and has become addicted to porn. Now he is blaming everything on me and says he can't be married to me. We have two little boys and he is saying that he's going to fight for custody- I'm trying to sell our house, find a job, I just want what God has for me but I feel so overwhelmed and I get so angry with my little boys, I don't know what i'm supposed to do or where i'm supposed to go and I don't want to be dependent on him and I feel like i'm such a mess i can't be good for the boys. I'm seeking God and very involved in the church but i just feel like I'm dying inside and I finally had to draw the line and tell him he either has to straiten up or just go because he just thinks everything would be fine, that he can do whatever he wants and just be friends with me and everything would be fine as far as him and the boys. But i'm so tired and sick of life. I'm trying to hold on to God and to hope in him- i know thats the only place that it can come from, but i feel so crushed and don't have the energy or the confidence or even direction to do anything. I don't even know what to do with one single thing in my life and I just feel like I just keep getting worse. I know God is bigger than it all but I just can't figure out what i'm supposed to do- how to keep going and I dont want to hurt my boys.
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captivated
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| Joined: | Thu Oct 20th, 2005 |
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Posted: Tue Aug 15th, 2006 11:46 pm |
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trulove,
If you think you could do harm to your boys with all of the stress you're under, I'm so glad you're recognizing these signs and seeking out help! Is there someone out there who could either come and help you for a time to lighten the load and give you time to think or someone you could let the boys stay with briefly to give you a break to think and pray and ask God what to do for the long-term? It is really quite "normal" to feel all of the things you're feeling....I have been there, under somewhat different circumstances, but...whew, it's so tough! You probably feel like you're about to explode from trying to function "normally" under the burden of it all when there's even more demand on you to provide for your kids, seek to heal in your emotions, and meet the demands of every day life....plus the boys don't understand what's going on! It's so tough! Is there anyone you've been able to confide in to support you through this? I'm going to pray with you God will provide all you need as you continue to grasp to find your way out of this mess your husband has left you vulnerable to by his choices! I will pray for him as well. When does he return?
Compassionately,
Captivated
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trulove
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Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2006 05:05 am |
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| Thank you for your prayers. At this time I really don't have anyone to take the boys- if I get a job I'll have to put them in daycare. But even to get a job that will support us and pay for childcare and gas will have to be God because the only job experience I have is waitressing and the Army- so i'm just praying. I know he h=could turn this all around or... I just don't know if I am supposed to go to where my family can help me or if i'm supposed to stay here. Sorry I'm just so frusterated and i just feel so crushed at this pont I don't even feel like i have the self confidence to do anything. I know the only answer is God and I'm seeking him and clinging to him i'm just so tired and just want his will and for my boys to be safe and... i just want the best for them and everything is such a mess. Please just pray that God will bring my husband to his senses no matter what it takes. For his soul more than anything. And for the boys. I appreciate the prayers so much. When does your husband have to leave? I'll be praying for you guys too.
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captivated
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Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2006 05:19 pm |
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trulove,
Is your husband back in the States right now? Is he living near you? Is he still with this other person? How long have you known what your husband's intentions are? I'm asking these things before suggesting you move closer to family, if they are safe and supportive for you because I don't know how it would affect custody issues for you to move. As it is, it does sound like a visit to family might be helpful to you, just to get a bit of a break or some help with the kids. Either way, I'd also get as involved as I could with a healthy, worshiping, praying body of Christ for support and ask God to provide a group of women to support you during this trial. Could you swing counseling with a Christian counselor? I was just thinking of how they tell parents on airplanes, to put on their own oxygen masks first before placing them on their children, so they are able to care for their children.....this is what you need to do and you can't depend on your husband having a change of heart to do it. You need to get oxygen/relief yourself for the sake of your children, so you don't do anything you'll regret which could be held against you in the future. You also need a regular support system for all of you! Any thoughts? Again, I'm praying!
With care,
Captivated
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 06:19 am |
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Hi Trulove. I am praying also. Has your husband professed faith in the past? If so, perhaps an appeal from pastor/chaplain might help? If not,...I prayed for a miracle...
Captivated has given you sound advice. Couldn't have said it better.
TruthSeeker
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