| Author | Post |
|---|
RoseLily
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 20th, 2006 |
| Location: | Las Vegas, Nevada USA |
| Posts: | 10 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 11:03 pm |
|
In the two weeks since I've joined this group, a lot has happened, so much in fact that I need to share and get some of my thoughts out!
After my first post, I wrote about the experience with the counselor that suggested my husband and I go alone and he should see a specific sex therapist. My husband has an appointment at the end of the month (the quickest we could get in)
I had my first session today. (we are seeing different counselors). It was totally weird for me to be in there - I always liked to think of myself as someone who is in control of thier feelings and emotions and didn't need professional help sorting things out - or healing for that matter. I had thought that as long as my husband sought help, worked on controlling his addiction and took care of me, then I would be fine and heal, too. I think the hardest part was admitting that I couldn't handle this and I didn't know how to control my feelings, anger and deal with the hurt. In a way, I am ashamed that because of my husbands sins, I now have to seek professional help.
She supported me staying with my husband and is working towards helping me stand strong and set limitations on what I will accept in our relationship and what the boundaries are - and the consequences. She also reminded me that viewing pornography and masterbating in God's view is adultry. She told me that God will release me from our marriage if I choose not to stay. This was really difficult to hear - I understand she has to lay it all out there - worst case senario and all.
I'm realizing more and more that the future of our marriage and relationship depends on how serious he is going to take staying sober from porn/masterbating. I have seen postive progress - he is attending a church group for married men with pornography addiction; he is going to a therapist at the end of the month and we've finally made the commitment to offically join the church we've been attending.
I guess now I wish I could see down that road to our future - will it be filled with the same hurt, lies and sins? Or will this be something that is part of us, but not consuming our every effort? I don't know if I trust my husband enough to fight for himself and us.
We've been married two years; I'm 25 years old and feel that I have put up with a lot already, and know that I can't handle a lifetime of living like we have for the past two years. I want to be there and support my husband, but at what cost to myself?
She told me it may take 2-3 years for me to really see if he is taking his addiction and recovery seriously. She suggested not having children until I had a better idea of what kind of husband he was going to be. We're not considering having kids now, anyway, though.
On a postive note - the other morning I had an early dr. apt (for migraine headaches ... caused from the stress and pain of this situation) and I had to leave the house before my husband. I told myself that I wasn't going to suggest anything about the computer or 'disable' it as I had done in the past. Before I left, he realized that he was going to be home alone for 30 minutes before he had to leave and told me that he would just go into work early because he didn't want me to stress or worry about him being home with the computer alone. I saw that as the first sign that he was thinking of his addiction and working to stay sober.
I know I'm all over the place in this post ... I just have a lot on my mind. I want to stay with and be with my husband over anything else, so that is my path.
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Aug 5th, 2006 05:41 am |
|
| Sweetie, I admire your courage to take steps for your self. I know how hard that is. I am also happy that your husband is moving in the right direction in getting help for his addition. Thanks so much for the up date. I will continue to pray for you and your husband....
|
Praise6
Moderator
| Joined: | Sat Jul 16th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 105 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Aug 5th, 2006 01:12 pm |
|
I really think you two are so very fortunate to be addressing this and fixing this so early in your marriage.
This battle was in my marriage for over 15 years. It caused tremendous damage. Finally when my husband stopped, I didn't believe it nor did I think I could recover.
My husband has been sober from this for almost 6 years. During the first couple of years of recovery it was all consuming for me. I thought we would never be free from the pain, working recovery, thinking about this, or being triggered constantly.
I can honestly say that it really is a non-issue now. I no longer worry about today, tomorrow or the future. I trust God. God has a perfect plan. Again you are so lucky that God is fixing your marriage so early. My husband is an amazing man of God now. He is an AWANA commander, Director of Children's Ministry and has become a strong spiritual leader for this family. It has not been easy. When the porn left, rage came but that is evaporating now too. God is awesome.
From your post, it seems all positive things happening to you. I am not discounting your pain. I understand. It took me years to even think about this without crying or feeling nauseated.
There is hope.
|
Current time is 08:33 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS