| Author | Post |
|---|
MnM4-5433
Member
| Joined: | Thu May 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Fri May 26th, 2006 09:42 pm |
|
Hello everyone! I am new to this, so here it goes. I am having serious issues with my boyfriend and his internet porn. When we first got together he was addicted to porn magazines and videos. That slacked off for a while but not completely. Then the porn on the internet started. I have struggled with it for a very long time now and I am at my roads end.
We don't spend very much time as a couple anymore, and I myself have needs that are not being filled. His are being satisfied with the computer. He works third shift 12 hours, so when he gets off from work I am still asleep, so he usually jumps straight on the computer for the porn. I thought maybe if I am up when he gets home we would have some time together, but then he will talk about how tired he is and then go to bed. His days off he sleeps pretty much all day and evening and then he is up the rest of the night but normally only after I go to bed. Then it is anywhere from 10-30 mins. after that he is on the internet searching for porn and spends the rest of the night doing that. If I leave the house for some reason then it is almost instantly that he is on the computer.
I am to the point that it makes me feel like I am not attractive enough for him or that what I have to offer him is not good enough anymore, or even maybe he don't want me. Our sex life now is "Are you going to give me some?" and that is it. No romance anymore, no compassion it is like there is no feeling at all. We have three beautiful children together and have been together for over nine years. I have started going to church and praying for help with this mess but I feel like it is getting worse instead of better.
If I confront him about it he gets mad and it always ends up being a big argument. I don't get it how does a woman compete with all the different types of porn that is out there on the internet. I love this man with all my heart and I want to get married but I can't with this happening.
What do I do??? I need the man back that loves me and wants me. How does a person deal with things like this.
Last edited on Fri May 26th, 2006 09:43 pm by MnM4-5433
|
truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 867 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Sun May 28th, 2006 04:54 am |
|
Hi M,
My heart goes out to you., as do my prayers.
It sounds like your BF may not be a believer, which could mean that he does not see porn as a problem, other than it being an issue for you. Even if he is a believer, he still must acknowledge that there is a problem, as must any addict, before any help is possible.
Even if there are any relationship issues, there is no excuse for delving into porn instead of addressing the issues. There is no justification or excuse. It is wrong.
You may have read many of the articles on this site, but let me remind you that this usually has little to do with the partner, and much to do with childhood/teen exposure to porn, and/or unresolved father issues.
Do not stop praying. Keep in mind, though, that prayer does not always change the circumstances, but often changes us, or our ability to get through the trials. If he refuses to get help for his addiction, you may have to use tough love, possibly separating from him, hoping that that will bring him to his senses.
Consider that if this continues, that it will affect your children, if it has not already. You do not want this cycle to continue to the next generation.
Do not fall in to the trap of believing the two of you can deal with this on your own. We ladies are too close to the situation to be objective, and as many of the issues need to sort through the past, someone who has expertise in doing that should be consulted. This also gives him an accountability partner. You can get software that you can have password control over to block what he is viewing, but that won't get to the root of the matter. I am currently trying a 15 day free trial of one called SafeEyes, and I like it pretty well so far.
I pray that God will give you the courage and strength for whatever is ahead. I pray that your BF will confess the addiction and go for help.
|
Current time is 08:30 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS