| Author | Post |
|---|
MattL
Member
| Joined: | Fri Feb 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 38 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Sat Mar 4th, 2006 03:50 pm |
|
| I am blood curling mad at her and what she did to me with her addiction. I have suffered terribly. She did things that hurt me down to my soul and make me feel so insecure. She damaged me so badly that I don't think any woman would ever want me again. She is starting to resent the rather strict boundaries we have put on our marriage. She was late meeting me at Church (unaccounted for time) and no longer wants to talk to me about what happened because its just a rehash. I am on anti-axiety medicaition just to keep my skin from crawling while I am away from her so I can function minimally at work. The anger in my heart is a raging bondfire and I'm not sure if I can or even should put it out. She tells me that she only loves me and that she only told people she acted out with that to keep their attention. So what? I have been love starved by her anorexia towards me for six years! Six years that fed a porn addiction of mine that I now have to deal with the pain and embarrassment of. Now after all that, she wants to resent our boundaries? Who in the world does she think she is.
|
Deeply Despaired
Member
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Mar 6th, 2006 12:31 am |
|
Mattl,
It sounds like to you want to talk about this and I would love to talk to you about it, but I am not sure what happened. Can you clarify?
DD
|
MattL
Member
| Joined: | Fri Feb 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 38 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Mar 6th, 2006 09:34 am |
|
| My wife has SA. I found out about 4 affairs she had. I am in the Army and everytime the Army sent me somewhere she acted out. I am trying to work things out with her but I have deep reservations about trusting her again and am due to go to NTC for 40 days. I feel like I deserve better than this. I feel very trapped by not being able to express my deep outrage at what she did to her since it can fuel her addiction cycle, thus making a self-fuffilling prophecy. I know that I am called to forgive. But I have to find a way to truly forgive. And it is very difficult since I know that she can easily slip back into SA and hurt me again. I want to follow Christ's example, but it is a very tall order for even the most faithful person. I need to talk and to pray. I pray all the time. This anger is destroying me from the inside out. To make matters worse I'm not even really sure she loves me, or if I'm just another fix for her. To be honest she is more appropriately a Love addict who confuses sex for love. I am guilty of wrath and I don't know how to let it go.
|
captivated
Member
| Joined: | Thu Oct 20th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 417 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Mar 6th, 2006 12:17 pm |
|
MattL,
Are you guys still going out to Heart to Heart? If so, when do you go?
You are going through so much, Matt, and the military lifestyle does add to the stress of it. This may sound simplistic, but you've had a relationship with God....the One we know for certain loves you deeply....see Romans 8 for more. Anyway, I want to encourage you to ask Him to show you how to handle things until you go out to H to H for some additional help......that you'd ask Him to just carry you until then.
This is my prayer for you:
Father, in the Mighty Name of Jesus, I ask You to let Matt and Erin know your love and embrace today....a love that satisfies and heals as no other can....a love and power that takes the ashes of our lives and hearts and makes them a thing of beauty.....a love that loves us like Hosea loved Gomer, even when she'd been unfaithful....a love that no height or depth or demon or angel...NOTHING can remove it from us....or stop Your relentless pursuit of our hearts...and lives. Lord, please enter into Erin and Matt's lives and supernaturally display Your love and care and provision to them amidst this pain and then open their eyes to see it. Where there is sin, reveal it to them and give them hearts of repentance and restore their marriage to reflect Christ and the Church by the power of Your Spirit. Thank You that You are the God of the impossible! We love you! In Jesus' name. Amen
Standing with you guys in this....and praying for people in your lives locally to support and pray for you.....men for you and women for Erin or a couple together....as God sees the needs. 
captivated
|
MattL
Member
| Joined: | Fri Feb 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 38 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Mar 6th, 2006 10:00 pm |
|
| That was beautiful. I hope Erin reads it. It is good to know that people are praying for us. God bless you!
|
Deeply Despaired
Member
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Mar 7th, 2006 01:48 pm |
|
That was truly beautiful. Mattl, I will keep you in my prayers as well. I will pray for you every day until you ask me to stop.
DD
|
MattL
Member
| Joined: | Fri Feb 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 38 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Mar 7th, 2006 08:14 pm |
|
| Thanks! Erin and I will pray for you too.
|
Current time is 07:38 pm | |
|
RSS