| Author | Post |
|---|
loveconquersall
Member
| Joined: | Mon Apr 7th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 5 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 9th, 2008 03:40 am |
|
On my way home today, I realized today how badly I am hurt over this situation. I hate myself. I can't believe I let my husband go through this, didn't stop him before it got this bad. Before the p and m got out of hand, my self-image was indestructable. Now, I hate myself for everything. I hate my feelings toward this extreme p, the way I look, talk, react, the way I can't eat or sleep anymore. Everything I'm reading says, it's not my fault.
He would turn me down to do this consistently. I tried everything to understand why he would turn me down. I even made myself watch some movies and buy a toy. Didn't help. Staying in denial, I thought I was protecting myself. I knew better, and never felt the relief of those lies I repeatedly told myself on an hourly basis. I can't believe the whole role of the co-addict I had become. I have stepped out of that role, but sometimes I just wish I could turn back time to last week when I didn't know how severe it was. I know our relationship is better off this way, with all the secrets out in the open. I have faith, but I'm beyond devastated.
We're becoming closer with Jesus now, and have so much faith in him to turn around our marriage. My husband is now more dedicated than ever to stop this addiction, but these words have been promised so many times before. I really think this is the end of this addiction. I don't want to seem naive, so I hate myself for that too. I've never been this negative in my life! I'm trying to be supportive, but I am crushed! This has been happening for 6 years! I want to be us again, a better us, built on love and faith, not lust and lies.
|
onewife
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jan 8th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 14 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 9th, 2008 04:40 am |
|
!! you must be a better woman than I- you actually had the power to stop your husband from sinning? Nope-didn't think so..He did that. You went along for the ride when you watched the movies, and I'm sure you've paid a price in many ways- but I can't think of anything a wife can do to STOP a man from sinning. Delay it, maybe. Make him sneakier about it , sure . Stop it-no way.
This type of sin IS so devastating- I hope this time IS the time your family is able to be free- I think the line between faith and insanity is a fine one!!!! When a 12 stepper calls it insane to do the same thing over again hopping for a different result I say AMEN ..unless you are continuing to do correct thing and having FAITH that God will honor that this time even though time and again it has not happened in the past. -You sound so stressed - I wish you God's peace.
|
truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 796 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 9th, 2008 01:12 pm |
|
Hi loveconquersall,
I wish I could give you a definite answer to this question, but the amount of time differs for each person. Pleasekeep in mind that this has probably been going on for a lot longer than six years, as it usually has roots in adolescence/teen years. It is often tied up in self-image issues, and/or problematic family relationships. Sometimes abuse has been a factor. You are not one of the factors.
Your responses are completely normal. Please do not beat yourself up for being hurt and angry. Keep in mind that you are not in control of your husband's behavior, only where you choose to draw boundaries.
Between my experience and observation, it seems that healing is proportionally timed with the length of addiction, the quantity of lies/broken promises, and the extent of the acting out. In other words, as devastating as it is to find porn for the first time, it generally takes less time to heal from that, if there are not relapses, than to heal from multiple physical infidelities.
I, too, pray that this was the rock bottom, the last time, that his repentance and dedication to recovery and obedience to God are strong.
TruthSeeker
|
Current time is 02:45 am | |
|
|
|
RSS