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Am I crazy?

Moderated by: Steve, bil4913, truthseeker

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hopeful5
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Joined:	Mon Sep 3rd, 2007
Location:	Texas USA
Posts:	4
Status:	Offline
Mana:

Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2008 06:10 am

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I have not been on here for awhile because my husband and I have been doing so well. Since the new year, which would have made his recovery about 3 months, things started to get bad. He started to get moody, buy things impulsively, feel down about everything and take it all out on me. Things just weren't the same anymore. In the beginning of his recovery he made many promises and set boundaries for himself like no movies with nudity or sex in them, no masturbaiting and nothing that may trigger anything. He was also going to get counseling, seek a group, read books on the topic and research anything he could. So far he tried counseling once, never made a meeting, and only finished one of the books he got. Money and time he said always got in the way.

He also started to watch movies with brief nudity, wanted to go on sex toy websites with me that he heard about on his satellite radio, and wanted to watch movies with sex in them. I found out the day after we watched a movie with a sex scene in it (I wasn't aware that there was sex in the movie he selected), he had masturbated for the first time in over 3 months. I brought all of this to his attention and he refuses to think that any of it, especially the movie scenes, is linked with his new behaviors. He says that a comment I had made when watching a show about men wanting sex 24/7, made him not seek me out for sex and handle it himself. Am I wrong?? Does anyone see a connection?? He feels that he is still trying to recover and I feel like we are moving backward. If anyone has any advice or imput I would really appreciate it. I feel like I am crazy.

onewife
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Joined:	Tue Jan 8th, 2008
Location:
Posts:	14
Status:	Offline
Mana:

Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2008 06:41 am

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Hi I'm a wife also- you aren't crazy (although thers IS that definition of "insanity" = doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome--on good days I call that "hope"

) It sounds like you've been down this road before and just needed to say it out loud...I'm truely sorry, and am in it with you. Regardless of what he does or doesn't do, have you decided what you can do? Oh and don't except any Poo-packages-- if your reality is like mine his behavior it isn't cause of something you said..its cause he's an addict busily blameshifting and denying (but nice try mr. addict) hugs

heartaching
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Joined:	Wed Aug 22nd, 2007
Location:	California USA
Posts:	4
Status:	Offline
Mana:

Posted: Thu Feb 14th, 2008 10:02 pm

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I am posting my first post back from when I first found out. and then my post today, to hopefully give anyone out there some hope that may feel as I did many months ago.....

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It has been 8 months since I caught and confronted my husband redhanded. Even then he still lied, tried to justify etc. It took 4 more months for all the truth to come out, and even then who knows if really all the truth came out. I have had to deal with Craigslist too. Is makes me ill. Knowing my husband was with over 50 + of those women... But I have educated myself and learned as much as I can about sexual addiction and also codependancy (which 80% of addicts have) and almost 100% of people living with addicts are. Education can free your mind and bring you peace along with praying for the Lord to guide you. We found a program that we are in the middle of. It is intensive but worth it. It goes into deepth of how an addiction is formed, from early childhood, how it is created to soothe or heal and how it increase and intensifies over time. It has been amazing the compassion I have felt for my husband and seeing how he has struggled with this for 30 years. He still is accountable for his choices, but it like any addiction, it is uncontrolable without help. There is a long process of the addict overcoming cenial and justification. I highly encourage you, even if you husband is not ready, for your self and wellbeing, to look into the program. It is called Lifestar. http://www.lifestar.com Take care of yourself. Find peace in your day. Look into yourself and see the pure clean spirit you were born with and know that she is in you and deserves to be cherished and loved and honored. You are a daughter of our Heavenly Father and he will watch and protect you and envelop you with love.

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