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decide2love
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Posted: Wed Nov 21st, 2007 01:18 pm |
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Okay, since I found the evidence of porn in his car a few months ago, he has gradually started carrying on conversations within his mind, but his side of the conversation is spoken out loud. Somedays he'll call me on his way home from work and he'll forget his phone is connected to talking to me and he'll be silent for a few minutes and then he just starts this conversation - and I can tell he's answering or making statements or asking questions to someone, but there's noone in his car with him... or he'll be sitting on the couch putting his boots on and suddenly he'll stare off into never land and start muttering and then talking like there's someone standing there, but there's noone there... he'll pull in the drive at home and park the car and sit there and finish his conversation and gets annoyed if I come up to the car before he's finished - his phone's not on and there's noone there with him... or he'll be in the middle of a conversation with me and stare off into space and doesn't finish the conversation with me out loud but swears up and down that he did and then gets mad at me if I tell him if I don't comply with the wishes he didn't state out loud and I tell him that he needs to repeat what he wants out loud because he never said what he thought he said. OR the one that bothers me the most... he'll want sex and in the beginning he gets on top (it's just become mastabatory sex) and suddenly he stops and stares off into neverland and is gone for a few minutes and then starts up again  .
He says that he recognizes he's doing some of this but does not know why, and that it's happening more often and it's effecting his work as well.
He's more moody than ever! He's still not in any sort of recovery program nor accountability. He's completely dropped out of church again and I know from evidence in the bed and the car that he's getting a lot worse with his P&M. Instead of once a week it's 4-5 times a week. He dowsn't want to see the kids in the house at all, and gets extremely annoyed and angry if he sees them when he gets home from work, especially my son.
And now if I ask for ANYTHING during sex he just rolls over away from me, starts playing the PS2, and says he's no longer in the mood.  And when I don't say anything or make a move to show him what I want, he jerks me around by my hair... not hard, but insistent. Like he's become mildly dominant or something.
He's just getting really wierd now.
Help?!
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sam
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Posted: Wed Nov 21st, 2007 02:42 pm |
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oh my goodness. i would be really concerned about his mental state. i think you need to try to find a way to encourge him to see a doctor. there could be some chemical things going on. i will be in prayer for you & him. rest assured that god loves you and that nothing happens in your life that surprises him. he wants you to turn to him in the good times and bad. as far as asking for stuff during intimate times, maybe you could try to do what you want instead of ask. it might be a pleasant surprise that he really gets into. then again, after hearing about his strange behavior, it might set him off.
is he saved? or did he just "do the church thing" by setting on a pew when he went? the reason i ask is because i keep thinking about the evil spirits that tormented people in the old and new testaments.
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decide2love
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Posted: Wed Nov 21st, 2007 06:35 pm |
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Yes he's born again. No, he didn't just sit in the pew. He participated.
The things I ask for is only things he can do... e.i. rub my back etc. ...and if I wanted and could do it, any of it, for myself, what would I need him for in that area???
I am really concerned about his mental state. I've read that some people who spend so much time in a fantasy state, eventually, have a hard time coming back and staying in reality.
Seeing a doctor for the flu or stitches or such is a definite yes for him, but seeing a doctor for anything which involves his emotions is out of the question. He is unapproachable in this area. He's very proud.
Thank you for your prayers.
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sam
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Posted: Wed Nov 21st, 2007 06:47 pm |
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great to hear he is born again. you can rest assured that the one who is in your h is greater than the one who is in the world.
as far as rubbing your back & etc, sorry i just thought you were meaning something a little different  .
i also pray that god will soften your h's heart in concerns to spending time with the rest of your family. may god bless you.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Nov 21st, 2007 08:43 pm |
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Hi decide2love,
I have grown increasingly concerned about your situation since you joined. Your faith and faithfulness are exceptional.
It appears, however, that you are having to go to further and further extremes to attempt to pacify your husbands addiction/issues. You are enabling his behavior, behaving co-dependently. I am very concerned for your individual and family safety, and believe that safety is a reasonable issue to separate, either asking him to move out until he gets psychological help, or relocating yourself. Physical intimidation, as he is doing with your hair, is domestic abuse, or at least a red flag for what the future holds.
I don't know enough about which behaviors define which psychoses, but whether he is zoned out in fantasy land, or, perhaps, even experiencing multiple personalities or hearing voices, he is in desperate need of psychological and spiritual help, and submit that it is the most loving thing you can do to do anything it may take to ensure he gets help.
http://www.family.org
or
http://www.pureintimacy.org
1-800-afamily
can direct you to a free consultation and christian counselling resources in your area.
I do believe in miracles, but I also believe that God has given us wisdom to know when not to bet our lives on his intervention, but expects us to take rational steps to protect ourselves and our children. Please, please, do not wait until someone gets hurt. This might include your husband, as he could easily get in to an accident if he is lost in space behind the wheel.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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sam
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Posted: Wed Nov 28th, 2007 02:57 pm |
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hi decide2love,
has your h's behavior become any better or worse? i agree with truthseeker about you & your family's safety.
sam
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decide2love
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Posted: Wed Nov 28th, 2007 06:46 pm |
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My H's behavior is about the same. His attitude is a little different. I had a dream Monday night and he said I woke up at 2:30am sobbing about it. Then the next morning he asked me about it and I told him. It seemed to shake him up a little. When he called me yesterday afternoon he said that he needed to stop letting work get to him because it was stealing his peace. (I had to ask myself, how he could have peace at all, especially when he is in no way seeking restoration or freedom, but in fact seeking his P & M out without restraint.)
I don't know if I should post the dream because it has nothing to do with this site but here's the dream:
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
It was the end of the age and we watched nations be destroyed by demonic attack. Huge demons would destroy cities and towns and people who fought them.
We - a bunch of people who I was familiar with - found a safe house to run to. We were there for a few weeks and off in the distance we watched as cities and towns were destroyed and news would come in about the goings on. Finally the demons came close enough that we could see them and who ever left the safe house would be eaten or torn apart by the demons.
Those who were inside and not pure were given an emotional disease that would somehow kill them. I was in a stairwell and this short slightly balding man was putting his hands on the sides of the face of this young bald man, saying, "receive indifference", neither of the men did I know. The younger man had shave his head and was very fearful of what was happening in the earth and around him. I immediately laid hands on his head and started praying in tongues and the older man said, "yes, pray, keep praying." He then turned and started to put his hands on my cheeks. I reached out and held his wrists and asked him who he was. He said that he was once a wealthy truck driver but now because of his indifference he was assigned to give it to others so they could die at the end of this age. I got excited and started laughing and saying, "yes, thank you." He placed his hands on my cheeks and said, "receive indifference." The palms of his hands looked veiny and scarred like they'd been burned, but it wasn't burns, it was the disease. After he removed his hands I started laughing again and said thank you, because the Lord had not let me die from demonic death.
Then the man fell to the ground on his face and cried. I asked him what was wrong and sobbing he said, "even though I gave you indifference, you are not indifferent."
The only ones not effected by any disease were the children, the little children six years and younger and the pure in heart. Then I started to cry because I knew that when my H got there I would not be there because I started to shrink and shrivel and was going to disappear. So I started asking the man if he would please tell him what had happened to me because he was at work and that I would not be there when he got there - I would have shrunk and shrivelled away. He said he would and then I went to find Janet (a dear friend), I was laughing and skipping again. I looked down at my legs and they were little bitty short things. I found Janet and we went into this great hall and Dawn (someone I once knew) was standing up on a stage and she seen me shrinking and shriveling and my hair falling out and she yelled, "I knew it! I knew it!" and she dropped dead.
Over in the corner was a lady sitting on a chair who was afflicted with what I had, and she just disappeared before our eyes.
(My H never made it to the safe house, he stayed out there and died fighting the demons. I woke up crying for the loss. I told him about my dying of indifference and disappearing and that he did not make it. Then I went back to sleep)...
I went right back into the dream and...
I asked Janet if she wanted to go up into the gabbles and watch what was going on outside and we went out on this walkway and climbed up on the roof and into this hole inside the gabbles and seen giant demons tearing up the land and the people who were trying to fight them. Some of the people were eaten alive or ripped apart and the screams were horrible.
Suddenly there was a great sunrise and I knew it was the Lord appearing. I climbed down from the gabbles and went back into the great hall and stood there with the man with the indifference in his hands. We watched the grandeur of the land becoming clean and were in awe. The lord appeared in the great hall and he gave me the choice of dying of indifference or being made whole. I asked him if Janet was alive, because I had lost sight of her in the commotion of His returning. He said yes, and then I asked him if I could do both and He said yes. I died of the indifference and then was made new and whole in an instant.
At the end of the dream the three of us, me, Janet and this man who had had indifference were lying in a bungalow on a big straw bed next to the water while looking at the sunrise over the water and talking about all that had happened. The man had been changed and was now tall and was confident in Christ, he wasn't anything like he was before, not in stature, not in looks, not in demeanor. Janet was happy, healthy, and her eyes were full of life. She had long beautiful shiney ash brown golden hair and was quietly pleasant, and soft in the face.
(Now, Janet is in the last stages of Hep C. She is presently being healed step by step by the Lord - four weeks ago He gave her a new liver. Not through and operation either.)
My H asked me that night if I had written down the dream and I told him yes. He's very interested in the end times. I don't know what part or parts shook him up but that morning before he left for work he held me in a hug for a few minutes before he left out the door - which is unusual for him.
Then this morning he asked me if I was okay, I said yes and asked him why, and he said that I was acting a little strange. As far as I know I was the same, maybe a little quieter because I was tired and hurting (I have FMS and this cold and wet gets to me) and he had told me a lie again. (He told me last night that the place he eats breakfast wouldn't give him a receipt Monday morning and he was put out by them, but when I had checked his wallet for receipts that same night he had the same amount of money in his wallet that he had left with that morning, so I know he didn't eat breakfast. I keep receipts for taxes. So why lie about it? Doesn't make sense.) Normally he gives me a quick kiss and then grabs his lunch and takes off for work, so the long hug Tuesday morning was unusual. But this morning he was back to his usual routine.
If the dream is offensive I'll remove it.
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sam
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Posted: Wed Nov 28th, 2007 07:49 pm |
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| you said that his behavior was about the same. does this mean that he is still having those strange conversations?
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decide2love
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Posted: Wed Nov 28th, 2007 08:09 pm |
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| The conversations I haven't seen because he hasn't really been here at the house. He has worked late and not called until just before he gets home or not at all, and then he goes to his deer stand up in the woods. When he gets to the bedroom, this past week, I've been ready to go to sleep. As I said, I've gone back to taking my sleeping pills because it sickens me to have him wake me up in the middle of the night M'ing and then I can't get back to sleep for hours. So, now it doesn't wake me.
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sam
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Posted: Wed Nov 28th, 2007 08:30 pm |
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maybe all of the strange stuff was just the result of extreme pressure at work. just please be safe. not only for your sake, but for your children. have a blessed evening.
sam
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guitarist63
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Posted: Thu Nov 29th, 2007 12:03 am |
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I feel really sad for you, Decide2love and will pray for a spiritual breakthrough in your marriage. You have suffered so much and I pray that God will continue to give you His power, courage, patience, to carry on. I'll pray for your husband, early hours.
Last edited on Thu Nov 29th, 2007 12:06 am by guitarist63
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sam
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 03:23 pm |
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hi decide2love,
i just wanted to know how things are going this week. have a great day.
sam
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decide2love
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 05:20 pm |
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Over the weekend, my son went hunting with some friends but my daughter stayed home. My H tried to cut up with her, then later that evening he asked her for help moving his portable welder. I hopped up and said that I'd help him because she had to do the dishes. He got angry and quiet. He let me help him, but he stayed up that night until 2am brooding. At midnight he was in the bed and he flopped over onto his stomach and jabbed me in the side with his elbow and knee to make me move away from him. We have a queen sized bed and I was toward the middle and just touching him with my hand. I was awake, and not once did he nudge me or try to wake me to ask me to move. I rolled over and said 'excuse me!' He got up out of bed and went to play solitaire in the living room on the computer. About 20 minutes later I got up and asked him why he did what he did in the bed, he froze and held his breath, and all I got was silence. (By his silence, I knew he wanted me to move so he could finish Ming without me feeling his body move. That's why he jabbed me. Like I said, I've been taking my sleeping pill, so I sleep through most anything. So, the next morning, I told him that it was rude and ugly because all he had to do was ask me to move or to roll me over (I'm not a big woman, I only weigh 135 and he's an iron worker and quite strong.) He said that he tried to wake me but couldn't. The thing is... I was awake and he had half the bed to lie in and he never tried to get me to move, never said a word, never touched me. He called his boss telling him that he had a pounding headache and went went back to bed and ended up going to work late.
Last night I asked him if he had any thoughts about the dream and he never answered me, just buried his head under the covers and refused to look at me.
Then the Lord had me ask him some questions :
1) If he was still P&Ming between work and home... he said no.
2) If he was doing either one of those at home... he said not the porn but... {and 'but...' was his only answer} {Oh. He did ask me why all of this was coming up now, and I told him he had to ask the Lord, that I was just following instructions}
3) Why he felt it was necessary to jab me with his elbow and knee {he didn't nudge me, he jabbed me} to get me to move away from him in the bed in the middle of the night, he said he needed the space and that he only had 8 inches of bed.
4) Did he need the space to M... he didn't answer.
5) Was that what I could expect, physical abuse, when he didn't get his way... he said that he was tired and did not want to get into a lengthy discussion and that he was trying to go to sleep.
Then the Lord had me to tell him that he was in grave danger. He gave no reply and I offered no further explination because he started snoring... it was fake, but he was snoring nonetheless.
He went to sleep and that was that.
This morning, he rolled over and told his dog how much he loved her and loved on her and before he left he hugged me and kissed me and said, 'I love you.' I told him I loved him and that I hoped he would have a nice day and then he left for work.
...and he is still having those conversations.
So, it's going. Thanks for asking, and you have a great day too.
Last edited on Fri Aug 8th, 2008 04:02 pm by decide2love
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sam
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Posted: Fri Dec 7th, 2007 10:14 pm |
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sorry i haven't responded to this until now. i haven't had the best of all weeks.
the daughter thing really scares me. has he ever showed any inappropriate behavior towards her in the past? growing up i had two friends that were sexually abused by their fathers. one was their biological and the other was a step. both girls suffered so much at their hands. til this day, they are deeply wounded. it's hard for them to trust men. i'm not saying that your h will do this but i know that when it happened with them, it stared with a strange look here and playfull wrestling or taps on the butt, then next thing i knew they were confiding that they were violated.
you and your family are still in my prayers. i hope you get some relief from this painful situation your in.
god bless,
sam
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decide2love
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Posted: Sat Dec 8th, 2007 01:12 pm |
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I am on precautionary maintenance. That is why he is never to be alone with her under any circumstances. Not to help move a welder, not to talk to her, not out in the yard, and certanly not in the house.
Thank you for your prayers.
I'm sorry to hear you have not had the best of weeks. I pray that in the weeks to com that the Lord shows Himself Mighty in you, and that you gain His Wisdom and Insight. That He hide you under the shelter of His wings and restore you to a place within Him. That He give you His Joy for your sorrow, and His Beauty for you ashes.
Love you, D2L
Last edited on Fri Aug 8th, 2008 04:03 pm by decide2love
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