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hopeful5
Member
| Joined: | Mon Sep 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
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Posted: Sat Sep 29th, 2007 05:35 pm |
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| I don't know what to do, I just found out that my husband had cheated on me while we were in the process of relocating and were not togehter for 2 months. I also found out that he has been lying our whole relationship and that recently he has also been going to strip clubs. How do you guys handle this? I left and took my kids across the country and he is devestated. I need to go back so that my kids have their lives and school, but I don't know what to do about my husband. I feel so betrayed and hurt but I still love him. Does he do these kinds of things because of the addiction? He now realizes his problems and is going to church consulting pastors, reading books on porn addiction, going to counseling and doing some real soul searching. Has anyone ever forgiven their husbands for all the hurt if they had tried to get better? How do you get through this? I feel so alone.
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truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 795 |
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Posted: Sun Sep 30th, 2007 02:10 am |
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Hi Hopeful5,
It sounds like your husband is doing a lot of the things mentioned in replies to your first post.
http://www.blazinggrace.org/forums/view_topic.php?id=1206&forum_id=10&jump_to=9349#p9349
The added wound of physical adultery twists the knife in an already terrible wound, and I am so sorry that you are having to endure this agony.
I think it sounds as though your H may have hit bottom, and had that wake-up call that he could lose everything if he does not take this seriously.
The only thing that can get both of you through this is clinging to God, individually and together. Choosing to forgive is an essential step in the process, and is an act of the will with which your emotions will not always agree. Behaving forgivingly by choice tends to bring the emotions, over time, in to step, but keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean that you do not set, and rigorously maintain, clear boundaries. Your husband also needs to understand that your forgiveness does not mean that all of your wounds have healed, and that he needs to undefensively permit you to express that pain and not receive it as an attempt to heap on guilt. I hope that you have, or will develop relationships with other women who can put their arms around you and let you cry, and/or a counsellor who can receive more venting of raw emotion than your H.
As this addiction has been ongoing in various ways throughout your marriage, the two of you will likely need to start, in some ways, to rebuild your marriage from square one, probably with guidance from a pastor or counsellor.
Yes, people do get through this, with joy on the other side, but it will not be easy.
Hugs and prayers,
TruthSeeker
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Journey
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 78 |
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Posted: Sun Sep 30th, 2007 09:54 pm |
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Hopeful5,
Hi, I just want to let you know I am praying for you. I don't know that I have anything helpful to say, because I have not been in your situation. I just know that there is a lot of heartache in this world and Jesus is the only one who has been through suffering worse than ours. So I will lift you up to Him at the throne of grace.
Love,
Journey
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tropicalstorm
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| Joined: | Mon Apr 16th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 66 |
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Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2007 11:54 am |
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Just thinking of you.
It is a hard road, but God is always faithful and good...which sounds horribly like one of those pat christian answers that I detest. I know this because i put him to the test when I found myself in a similiar situation.
I will be praying as well.
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