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Pantera
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| Joined: | Tue Sep 4th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 5 |
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Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2007 01:20 pm |
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THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR ADVICES, I'M SO HAPPY I FOUND A CORNER FOR ME THAT I CAN TALK OPENLY AND GET HONEST ADVICES FOR ME AS I DON'T HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS, TO SHARE IT, TO GET CLEVER ADVICES, DO NOT BE SHY TO TALK ABOUT EVERY THING...
My dears, I just found out about my husband's secretly continuing addiction. It was about an hour ago when someone broke in to his car /he uses his car a lot during his work/ and stole some money from there. I was the first one who saw it and I run to the car, to catch children who did, but they run away. And I turn to the broken car, saw a big envelope in his car. There was a DVD player with a pornography movies. I'm so broken inside, I'm so hurted and tired to be hurted... I was praying for him non stop, asking, begging him do not do it... I thought he stopped, he recovered, he understood me... as his attitude was changed, he had more attention for me and for family... I was so sure... now I feel I live in lie, I live in a life where is no trust, I feel lonely and betreyed many times. I can't stop crying and don't know what to do, it's so painful inside me...
He's not at home now, will be back soon and I don't know how to look at him, how to share the bed with him, how to think of my husband...it scares me, as I don't trust him anymore and I don't want to loose him /he's a good person/, I don't want to loose my family... I don't want to live in a lie as well...
He's got 2 brothers who are addicted to pornography as well /on their 50's now/ and they do it secretly from their wifes /their relationships also had problems about it/, even his father had this problem /on his 70's/ and they all look at it from "men thing" or "men r different than women" angle and they all thing there is nothing awful about it. Do u think it's genetic or smth.? is it possible?
Sometimes it seems that difficulties about using he's "habit" makes it more exiting for him, he trys to find many other ways of doing it secretly 
My husband's family is christian but they don't know anything else about Christianity except only the word "Christianity", so it's so hard for me to talk to him about his addiction in a way we do here. I think he never understands me.
Please, advice me something, help me to find a way to fix this...Last edited on Wed Sep 19th, 2007 05:48 pm by Pantera
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2007 05:41 pm |
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Hi Pantera,
I am so sorry that he is continuing in this addiction. The unfortunate thing is that you cannot change/fix him. He must recognize the need to repent and seek help. Sadly, far too many people define themselves as "christians" to indicate some vague since of believing that there is a god, that they are not atheists, or believers in any other religion, not that they seek to conform to the example of Jesus Christ.
I would not consider SA genetic. Yes, men tend to be more visually stimulated than women, so are more susceptible to it, but the negative example of family is as powerful as a positive example, resulting in what some call generational sin.
I do not remember whether or not your husband has received outside help for this, but he will need to do so if he is sincere about breaking free.
You will need to confront him, as the rift in your relationship will be obvious, (unless he really has his head in the sand.)
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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TK
Member
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Posted: Fri Jan 4th, 2008 07:46 pm |
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Pantera, I feel your pain. I am having a very difficult time trusting my guy. I have discovered he has been continuing his addiction on numerous occasions. Then he swears he is going to stop, but his behavior changes and it's only a matter of time before I find the proof again. I can tell you though that addiction can be traced to genetics. It doesn't mean that it is the root cause of where your husband gets this addiction from, but it is possible. Sexual addiction is an addictive behavior just as alcoholism or drug addiction. (I studied this in school (Psychology and Behavioral Science) and I was raised in Alateen, AA, and NA, as well as I have been working with a Doctor and therapist on these issues for several years)(I only let you know that, so you don't think I'm just pulling this out of my very creative imagination) Anyways, my guy has hurt me to the point that I have felt like maybe it was me, like I wasn't good enough for him. I had gotten to the point that I was telling myself, "If I was good enough for him, then he wouldn't need to search for something more, I would be able to satisfy him and his every need." My doctor was telling me that my past had conditioned me to "own" those types of thoughts, to take responsibility for others and their mistakes, as well as the wrongs in my life. I'm still a work in progress, but I am finally realizing that I have to let go and let God fix my guy. I have control issues and I had thought I could fix him, but I can't. Just a child brings a toy to his daddy to fix, the child has to leave his daddy to fix it. I keep giving my guy to God to fix,but then I would keep pestering him and not allow him to fix him. I am finally discovering that I have to let go until God has completed his work. So, I'm choosing to have faith and working on my myself to be patient.
____________________
-TK
"Everything Happens For A Reason."
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