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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Sun Aug 5th, 2007 12:50 am |
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It's been awhile, I'm a little firmer in my walk and he is slightly better.
However, he wasn't reading the one book he was given to read at all and I had difficulty getting another appointment. I felt like once again I was doing all the work so I told him we were not going back to counseling until he took it upon himself to call. It's so hard not to ask him if he's going to call. I hate being like this, but he needs to man up all on his own.
He's going out of town soon and I so want to ask him if he'll be faithful on all levels, but I am not going to ask. I shouldn't have to ask. His needs have been met, I've made sure of that.
Who knew sitting down and keeping one's hands to oneself could be so difficult?
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Aug 5th, 2007 02:08 am |
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Hi tropicalstorm,
Praying for both of you...
TruthSeeker
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Mon Aug 6th, 2007 11:57 am |
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I was mostly successful in not acting like his mother.
He was looking at borderline stuff on the puter before he left. I put him in God's hands - God's the only one that can change him anway.
I'm a tad frustrated with how counselors deal with this - it's a practical response to a physical need though it is wrong. Maybe for SOME men that's true, but for him it's a lust issue. Too long a story to tell.
Off to work.
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Sun Aug 12th, 2007 04:08 am |
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Man! I am so upset right now.
I got a text message at 10:00 (he's away remember) so I called because I thought he was up then he didn't pick up his cell.
Then I called the hotel - no answer in his room.
Go figure.
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passionone
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Posted: Sun Aug 12th, 2007 05:26 am |
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Tropicalstorm,
I am sad for your situation, but be strong. Don't worry about him - I know how hard this is not to, but don't! I wish I could say something to comfort you, but I don't know what to say.
Passionone
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Esperanza
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Posted: Mon Aug 13th, 2007 03:39 pm |
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Hi tropicalstorm,
I hope everything is OK at home. I don't know how long your husband was to be out but I'm pretty sure you must have some questions. Please be patient and I know this is difficult for us wives because at times we want to "take control". And sometimes I find is a fine line that I have to discern between being a nagging mother, a hurt wife or a woman of virtue. Each action takes a lot of thought on our part and I confess that as much as I try to do what God wants me to, I somethings act according to my feelings which can be devious but with Gods grace I'm working hard on trying to be wise and please the Lord who only wants the best for me.
I think it as he's wife (the woman he made a commitment to) you are entitled to ask and that is not the same as "mothering" him. Just my opinion as I would rather just get it out in the open than carry a burden that is not mine on my own. When this happens with my husband, he's usually very good and making up all kinds of excuses but I really don't mind. I figure by asking (even if he's not honest) I am achieveing 2 things; First I can observe his reaction, response and body language which helps me know where he's at with his addiction and second I want him to notice that I am aware and not niave of his possible actions.
I don't stress over it. If there is one thing I have learned during the trials of my marriage is to not dwell on things that bring me down. I have my bad days but with prayer, the word and support, Im able to shake it off and continue thanking the Lord because I know there will be a blessing for me somewhere down the road.
My dear, God does not allow anything in our lives if there is not a purpose involved and for those of us who love the Lord, all will work for the best. I hope to hear/read from you soon. You are in my prayers, sister. God is with you and he will see you thru this. I'm sorry that your H can't see how much his affecting you but I pray God will open his eyes and free him (and my H) of any bondage.
Warm hugs, Esperanza
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Tue Aug 14th, 2007 04:02 am |
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Well there's more - nice.
Phone calls last month and today to a place where we know NO ONE. But he can't talk to me because he's too tired.
Nice.
I am done.
I am compiling evidence and when I have enough I will give it to him (a copy of course) and let him know I'll be putting the house on the market.
I am done.
I don't even want the truth from his mouth - there's been too many lies, too much blame shifting and too much gas lighting.
I simply can not do this any longer.
I was supposed to have married a man, not a ghost.
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Esperanza
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Posted: Tue Aug 14th, 2007 01:57 pm |
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Wow. Sounds very furstrating. I'm really sorry and I really don't have any words of wisdom right know. There are times when we just need to be still and just confide that the Lord is with us. I think you have every right to decide what you feel is best for you. I ask that God help you at this time, give you strenght and lead you to make the best decision. I feel your hurt and I'll be praying for you. Please remember that you are not alone and that God is with you no matter what and that he will be your comfort you.
Prayers for you,
Esperanza
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Thu Aug 30th, 2007 11:00 pm |
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I got the previous mess sorted out, however have found out since his return home, he had a porn relapse. I specifically asked him two days ago or so if he struggled at all in any area while he was gone (he parties with friends and lies about that too) He said no.
He's been all lovely dovey and what not - but it is, to me anyway, completely fake. That you could lie to my face like that knowing you did what you did. That's insincere.
We've been married seventeen years.
Counseling has not helped.
Men's gropu has not helped.
Nagging, screaming, and raging obviously have not helped.
I am no longer willing to do this.
I am giving him to year twenty and then I'm done.
No one can say I haven't tried.
I'm not even telling him I know - what is the point? He'll scream at me and blame me and tell me I am the root of all his issues.
I'm happy that it works out for some folks here, but I don't see that happening for me at all.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Aug 30th, 2007 11:30 pm |
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Hi tropicalstorm,
I'm so sorry to hear that your H is not seeking freedom, and, in just my opinion, think that two plus years is much more generous than I would be.
I pray that whatever becomes of this marriage, that you cling to Jesus as your Rock and Fortress, that He will provide all your needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. Amen.
TruthSeeker
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Fri Aug 31st, 2007 01:44 am |
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It sounds generous, but I've actually put a lot of thought into this. I am keeping my hands off the process, not saying or doing anything about it. The only person who can change him if he want's to change is Holy Sprit and me getting in the way won' help any.
God has given me the opportunity to change the word and so I will. I have many projects going on and I don't expect that to change anytime soon.
I can not change him nor mother him.
It is what it is.
God is still on the throne.
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