| Author | Post |
|---|
In Shock
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jan 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 7 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 01:05 am |
|
I can't believe it. My husband is at it again after he promised me that he would quit back in February. I found some google searches that I wasn't expecting. I wasn't even snooping! I was looking to get onto my gmail account and then it showed the history of google searches. I have been gone for three weeks visiting family and didn't expect to ever see the filth again. I don't know if he disassembled my Netdog administrator or not. He he was looking for free porn sites and a porn star's site. I am "In Shock" once again. I thought that we were getting to be more intimate again and have a deeper relationship. I don't know what to say this time. Should I confront him? All I see is a filthy pervert who gets off on who knows what. I don't have the same body as the porn stars and never will since I don't do crack and don't have fake boobs. I refuse to do the same nasty stuff as them, I just don't get it. He goes to church, I thought that he was reading the bible. I feel like I'm with a big phony and I have no respect for him. I can't even see getting intimate with him now. I feel like I'm revisiting the road that I traveled on in January. I feel like he has put a wedge in between us again. I don't feel like touching him or even looking at him. It makes me wish that I would have never married him. I have 3 beautiful boys but, I don't know how much longer I can stay with him without saying some things that are really going to hurt him. I feel like I married a big loser and it makes me feel like one too!
I want to disconnect the internet because it has ruined my marriage. My husband used to say that the internet was evil 8 years ago. I don't get it. He allowed the very thing that he opposed at first to destroy his own marriage.
I don't know where to go from here. How do I get an internet filter put on the computer without him knowing it or seeing it? The netdog showed up on the windows and it was a free trial for a time period. I don't think that it's working any longer even though it shows on the windows. I'm not computer literate as you can tell so I know nothing about programs, ect... I was looking for an easy way to get to my google account and found the past searches. I'm sure he erases the cookies and history. He was doing it before and said that it help clear up space and so that the computer would not be so slow. Is that correct? Someone give me some pointers on learning how to use my computer without him knowing what I am doing and how to get the porn out of my house! Thank you.
In Shock and Hurting Once Again
|
geeky_student
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 96 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 01:44 am |
|
Hi there, i am sorry that you are in shock and pain again. I hope this could be helpful.
I think it's a good idea to ask him about what happened and how he started. It is not safe or fair to jump to conclusions, i think both sides should listen to each other and try to work through the problem together, which i am sure you are doing, just a reminder 
as for the technology part, to be honest, i used the same excuse of "slowing down the system", it is true, and i think the internet explorer actually mentions that somewhere in the help page and other places. anyway, if you guys arent surfing like crazy, it's usually a good idea to clear it once every month, the default setting on the history clearance is 60 days for internet explorer.
i understand what you are going through thinking of him as a pervert and phony and all, i don't know if he's actually trying to recover from it, in fact, when i talked to my dad about this, he said there were principle things i need to work on--weaknesses that the enemy exploits. For me, i have been very lazy and slacked off alot. Other weaknesses could be too much pride, there are times where i think "hey, i can handle this, i can stop in the midst of it". when i think that, i didnt recognize the fact that it's by God's grace everyday that i am getting through it and Him picking me out of the trap. it certainly is not me who jumps out all by myself.
It's a good idea to focus on working on the principles, uproot the weeds.
Have you prayed and studied the Scripture together with him lately? It's always a good to do these things as a family. It's good for the kids too.
God bless! May He guide us in our daily walk with Him
i will continue praying for you guys
keep clean
____________________
For God, for her, for my parents, for own good.
tip: when tempted, think of God, think of that special someone you love.
|
truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 846 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 07:50 am |
|
Hi In Shock,
I am so sorry to hear that this is continuing, or has arisen again. Yes, I would go ahead and confront him with what you found. Has he gotten any counselling, attended a support group, or been in regular contact with accountability partners?
I use SafeEyes, but it is visible and runs $50 per year. You might check the resources forum, or do a search here on BG for software or filter. A key logger/key logging software is more likely to operate invisibly, it is just a matter of whether you want to prevent access of porn, or acquire evidence that it has been viewed. You might as well confront him, though, since, unless he really has his head in the sand, he will notice the distance and aversion you are experienceing.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 03:13 pm |
|
I am so sorry. I agree with TruthSeeker I would also confront him. Please know it is not your fault. It would not matter if you were built like a super model if he has an addiction to porn and it looks as though he does he would still look no matter how you look. Recovery takes time and help, it does not just go away with an "I am sorry" What kind of steps has he taken to overcome this if any?
You are in my prayers. If you need to talk we are always here.
|
In Shock
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jan 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 7 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Jun 25th, 2007 05:37 pm |
|
My husband has backslidden as a Christian. He is only going for the sake of the kids . A lot of times, he choses to work instead, and is as far from the bible as a nonbeliever would be. He used to read it a couple of years ago. He is never home to do family bible time, if he is here he's on the computer, paying bills, or working on his business. I confronted him two nights ago and he first denied the four websites, saying he doesn't do searches on google and then he never typed those specific websites on it. But, when I asked him what about Tanya Roberts--Almost Pregnant, he had a smirk and the lying eyes showed through. He is in denial that this is a problem, he is convinced that this is normal behavior of men and that no harm is done. He refuses to get a filter and will not let me do away with internet service. He refuses to talk about the issue and just skirts around it, blaming me. I finally exploded last night on him because it is the darkest secret of my life. I could never tell any of my friends that go to church with us. He is backing me into a corner of just dealing with it or leave.
|
Suzi
Member
|
Posted: Tue Jun 26th, 2007 03:35 am |
|
My heart really goes out to you. I have been in your shoes... wondering what to do about a habit that my H believed was just "normal". It got so bad that one time I caught him in a porn rental at a hotel... that when I asked him "do you believe this is sin?", he answered me "NO!". THAT was when I knew we had a problem.
I finally reached the point where I said, "Well, YOU may not believe you have a problem, but it's causing a problem for ME and *I* am going to get help for *MY* problem. At that point, I began learning everything I could about porn and it's effect on men.
How would your husband feel if this were public knowledge? Would he be ashamed? If so, why? If it is "so normal"... ??? Why would it bother him?
I really encourage you to do two things:
First of all, use this time to earnestly seek the Lord. You are going to need all the spiritual strength and wisdom you can muster to get through this. It doesn't go away. Not very easily.
Secondly, DO find a support group (SAnon?) or some other group to go to for support. I understand that you don't want to tell your church friends, but keep an open ear/eye for others who may be dealing with this too. Is there a pastor or pastor's wife that you would trust with this? Try to find SOMEBODY trustworthy to go to. Unfortunately, this is the "secret sin" of the church. There are probably women you see every Sunday who are going through the same thing, or worse.
I really hope he begins to see how devastating this is for you.
Viewing porn typically causes a man to feel less "love" and tenderness for his wife. It generally makes him more selfish in bed. It generally DECREASES his normal sex drive, making him feel the need for more variety. It's like any other addiction, you just keep needing more and more to get the high.
This won't just go away. Pray, pray, pray for wisdom for you and for God to soften your H's heart so he can see the damage he is doing to himself and to you and your family.
Praying for you!
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
|
spe102580
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 44 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jun 27th, 2007 05:34 am |
|
| In Shock, just know that I prayed for you and your husband tonight, and that he wuold find true accountability.
|
BlessedGanny
Member
| Joined: | Mon May 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 5 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Jul 2nd, 2007 06:29 pm |
|
Web Watcher is suppose to be the best undetectable software out there. You can download it from the website and you can not see it on your computer only you will know it is there. I have it on my computer at home and when I'm at work I can check my computer at home to see what sites my husband has been on when I'm not around. And if he is on it at the same time I can see everything he doing. It is really easy to use you can also set it up to block certain sites. It is a little pricy ($100 a year) but it is rated the #1 software for watching your computer.
Go to webwatcher.com to check it out.
|
Current time is 11:50 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS