| Author | Post |
|---|
NeedHelpinIndiana
Member
| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Fri May 18th, 2007 05:48 am |
|
Hello. I'm new here and need some advice. BADLY!!!
My husband and I have been together for 16 years. Married for 6. We worked together and were good friends for years before we started dating ( both divorced) and I thought he was a great person. After 4 months together, we moved in together to his parents house where he grew up. His parents were gone for winter. One day, when he was gone, I decided to go up to his old bedroom and, basically, snoop. What I found was shocking to me. There were, literally, hundreds of hard core porn magazines stacked in his closet, under his bed, under his mattress, etc. I kept quiet because we had a GREAT sex life and I really didn't know what to say.
We went on to buy a house together, a year later. I had never noticed him bringing any magazines home and he, not once, talked about porn magazines, past or present. One day, when cleaning his closet, I discovered 10 magazines stuffed under some sweaters. This really bothered me because it was like this huge secret, which made it wierd. I said nothing, but kept looking in the closet after that. A few years later, he said he wanted a home computer, for his work. We got one. One day, when browsing, I looked up his history. I found, literally, nearly a thousand, saved, porn flicks in his music file. I was, totally taken aback by this because he had to be doing this every minute I was not at home or when I was sleeping. I contronted him and he didn't want to discuss it but said he would quit. End of conversation, on his end.
Now, years later, and probably through these years, he's back on the computer, worse than ever. He, also, has decided he likes a certain drug, (has never been a drug user) and now rents, buys, movies 2 or 3 times a week, watches them in my presence, ignores me while watching, and acts like it's no big deal. We have not had sex for, literally, YEARS!!! He says his unit won't work but has no interest in Viagra, etc. Just PORN!!! I'm on the fast track to seperation because of his arrogant, there's nothing wrong with it, attitude I'm fed up, sick of it, and can't stand to look at him anymore. I think he's perverted or something and I HATE IT!!! He seems completely OBSESSED!!!
Please help me. The thought of single life, at 49, makes me ill, too. Any and all advice, suggestions, etc. are needed, badly.
Thanks for listening.
|
truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 846 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Fri May 18th, 2007 01:25 pm |
|
Hi NeedHelpinIndiana,
It is always heart-rending to hear how addiction is shattering relationships. Unfortunately, the sad fact is, that if the addict refuses to see the addiction as a problem, nothing will change. Needless to say, if nothing will wake him up, this is no way to live. I realize that being single at any age can be daunting, but is going to be better for you emotionally in the long run.
Has separation/divorce been discussed? If that doesn't bother him, I don't guess anything will. I am guessing that his drug of choice is illegal? You could always turn him in. Also, if any of the porn crosses the line of legality, you could turn him in for that. That is not to say that enforced sobriety in jail would wake him up, especially since there is much in jail that doesn't belong there, but it may be the right thing to do whether or not you remain with him.
TruthSeeker
|
Tears4Us
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 09:51 pm |
|
| TruthSeeker is right, he is going to have to own up to his addiction, sometiems seperation is what is needed to make them see the light and seek help. I am praying for you and we are here if you need to talk....
|
mumof7
Member
| Joined: | Thu Feb 8th, 2007 |
| Location: | Perth, Australia |
| Posts: | 75 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jun 13th, 2007 03:38 am |
|
I would have to agree with truthseeker and tears4us and from personal experience unless they own the addiction without excuses or blame then all does seem lost and they wont change...
...my husband and I are separated and he is walking his own way and still blaming me for the his addiction. It is devestating to see them go their own way but the need for me to take the next step of separation has been vital for not only my husband but our children and myself. I also have to say for me it has been much harder to separate than to stay with him but definately now realise it was the right and only thing left for me to do that was vital for our whole family. Yes being single at 34years old and with 7 children is very daunting but I put my whole life and trust in God for his guidance and strength and him to comfort me in my times of loneliness. Praying for you an hoping things have changed for the better and for Gods will.
Prayers
mumof7
|
Current time is 10:56 am | |
|
|
|
RSS