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Brokendreams
Member
| Joined: | Fri May 11th, 2007 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 09:09 pm |
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Hello,
Im new here, and i'm in a fog
In severe depression, havn't eatin for days, can't stop throwing up etc..
The crying is unending
I just want to die!!!
He has been doing this for years and smoking pot too.
The lies just go on and on....
Told him I was taking the kids and leaving to go to my moms
and he wants to know WHEN!!!
I'm ANGRY HURT AND SICK
I'm sitting here thinking why should I leave?
This is my home and my kids!
He has NEVER in 15 years been there for me, EVER!
I have just been diagnosed with spinal tumors, and am in great pain
he When I asked him to tell me what was wrong with me
couldn't even say, had no clue!
I'm rambling, I can't even make sence of my own thoughts
I have nothing EVERYTHING is now gone
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truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 846 |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 10:04 pm |
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Hi Brokendreams,
My sister, you are not alone. You have your children, your mom, and many sisters in Christ here who understand the agony you are in. Can your mom come and stay with you for a bit? You could tell your husband to leave rather than leaving yourself, enforced by police if necessary. Are the children old enough to spend a night or two with friends? Is there an adult who can come be with you if you tell your husband to leave, perhaps a pastor and his wife?
I know that you know how important it is to eat. Please, though you do not feel like it, and it may come right back up, get some broth, crackers, gingerale, or any other comfort food you have at hand, and consume small portions until something stays down.
You might check the phone book for a crisis hotline to call. Do you have a close girlfriend or two who can be there for you? It is important to reach out to people in your life for support.
Hugs and prayers...
TruthSeeker
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prayingdaily
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| Joined: | Thu May 10th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 10:09 pm |
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| Please start by breathing and knowing that God cares for you very much. I know how much pain you must feel. When the one we choose as our partner for life turns on us it is very hard to even function. BUT, remember there is one who cares and His Name is Jesus. Cry out to Him and He will hold you and listen to you. I know that might not be the answer you want to hear, but it is the best answer. My husband also is very selfish and self centered. I have decided to separate from him and the peace I have after making that decision has been good for me. I know you don't want to pack everything up and go, but right now you need to think about whats healthy for you and the kids. I would never tell anyone to leave their spouse, that should be an answer that comes from prayer and listening to God's voice, but throwing up and not eating is not good. Your husband sounds like he needs a jolt into reality. Remember an addicts world is a place all their own. Try not to focus on what he is doing, but on what will help you. I am praying for you. Remember things are not important. You are your children are important and your peace of mind. Pray that God's peace will surround you. Keep your head up and don't give up.
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forthelord47
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| Joined: | Sat Apr 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 43 |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 01:25 am |
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I pray tonight that our heavenly father, Jesus Christ will intercede and heal your spinal tumors, releasing you from your physical pain.
God bless,
Marc
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Brokendreams
Member
| Joined: | Fri May 11th, 2007 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 04:37 am |
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Thank you, all of you for posting back!
I just feel so alone, I know that I'am not, I know that others have gone through this too, and are going through this.
I have no family here I'm in Texas and my mom is in California, I have no friends either.
I pray consistantly, always have always will!!!!!!!
It is just very hard to deal with without a human being to put their arms around me at this point. And to talk to.I don't want my boys to see me cry, although they do. They KNEW, and I feel like a fool! he has also been smoking pot, I had no idea! my middle son told me... that he could smell it on him!
and it just kills me inside and out!
I can tell you the worst thing that won't stop going on in my head over and over again is that I had given my husband a crucifix to wear, unknowing of his doings, and to know that while he was doing all this that there Jesus was around his neck. I know that Christ is always here with us , but, that to me was just so blasphemus, it kills me!
All this time we have had wonderful talks about God, prayed ,read the bible, go to church etc.. And all the while where I thought spiritualy we were connecting and growing... BOOM! everything was a LIE!
There is so much more, I'm trying so hard and praying even harder, but, The hate and anger is so deep, I don't know what to do!
I have forgivin him for soooo many things, 15 years worth.
And this time.... it just isn't possible. I wish God would just take me HOME! but what keeps me here are my kids. This pain is so deeply destructive, I just can't write my feelings, I can't even think straight, let alone deal with this on top of dealing with my physical pain and being absolutley alone!
I just scream out, GOD, why? You say you never give more than what we can handle, I think my psche is forever broken!
I'm dealing with this, my son in the marines, my mother dying, her house being destroyed by contractors that ripped her off, her living in Calif. and the house falling down around her.. electrical blowing and shorting etc.. etc.. my sisters telling me I never should have been born.. they hate my guts could care less about my mom, and a brother whose wife calls and curses at me!
My God, what have I done except help and be there for everyone.
I feel like hell has just expolded all around me!
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forthelord47
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| Joined: | Sat Apr 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 43 |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 01:23 pm |
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Brokendreams,
You have a Father, the Lord almighty, who loves you beyond measure, who knows who you are, who wants to talk with you, wants to feed you, wants to put his arms around you and let you rest in his embrace. You can only focus on so much at this time.
It is a time for you to let other people be there for you. I really encourage you to read Truthsayer's suggestion again to call a crisis hotline for support. You might also want to find a Christian counselor as quickly as possible. Please keep us infomed. We are praying for you.
In the name of Jesus,
Marc
Last edited on Sat May 12th, 2007 08:28 pm by forthelord47
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Suzi
Member
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 02:11 pm |
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Wow... Brokendreams... your name says it all.
The other responses have been awesome. Please keep reading them and remembering that you are not alone. However, it appears the relationships you have include a few toxic ones. Nobody deserves to be told they should never have been born... that is a lie of Satan... and all the other negatives you are getting from people just are simply a bunch of hooey.
One thing I have learned is this... I can't change any body else. No matter how hard I try... it's not in my power to change others. What IS in my power is to change ME. Now, am I saying you can change your own circumstances? Not really. Somethings like that are out of our hands too. BUT you can refocus... and not expend energy on things you can't change anyway.
So, please try to detach and forget about those things that YOU can't change...
I love the serenity prayer...about changing the things I can change, and asking God for wisdom to know the difference between what we can change and what we can't.
Are you ill, unable to eat, from stress? Or from chemo? Have you told your doctor how sick you feel?
Please remember that your kids need you!! OK? They are likely pretty disgusted with the way things are going. Even if they KNEW (I am not sure what they knew), their dad is still their dad. As one friend of mine told me, I can divorce him (her H) but my kids can't. Believe me, they know in their hearts, and they still NEED you, whether they know it or not! 
Please know that we are praying for you. Keep in touch with us and let us know how things are going.
Suzi
PS. I highly recommend that you talk to a lawyer before you LEAVE the house. In some instances the spouse who leaves is in danger of losing legal benefits. If anybody leaves, it would be best for HIM to leave... (obviously, we don't know the personal details)... so please talk to a lawyer, or contact some legal aid source. THIS IS IMPORTANT!
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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