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spe102580
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 08:50 am |
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These are thoughts from tonight/this morning and I chronicled what I am still currently going through.
Its 2 o clock, quarter past two a.m. and I still haven’t effectively gotten back to sleep. Am I an insomniac? When I wasn’t considering masturbation wrong or an issue, I didn’t have a problem with it. No matter what I do beforehand, exercising, stretching, reading the Bible, etc, the truth of the matter is that when the lights go out, at some point when I am going to cancel the day, I must fight the battle. It is never any more difficult and nothing eliminates it from my mind. Is this a biological habit? It doesn’t act as a release of sexual tension because I am not driven to do it. I am not driven because I make it a point not to allow stimuli that drives me to do it. I quit watching and listening to all those sexual innuendos on “Seinfeld” and stealing glances from girls in public. Even when I am tired, or about to pass out, when I put myself in the bed and I know I have to cancel the day it is in my mind. I cannot actively fight it for a prolonged period of time, because then I keep myself up at night for no apparent reason, so I say screw it I have to go to sleep. I don’t even have a whole LOT of negative thoughts this time, just the fact that I want to sleep but can’t. I set up barriers, I set up accountability, but they only work as long as I want to fight. When I have it made up in my mind I am going to masturbate, I bypass the barriers. I do certain self-motivating things with the same result, only as long as I want to fight. It’s almost like a pep-rally where I am like “come on body, get to sleep, put yourself in slumber mode.”
The only way this works is if I delay and delay and delay until my body reaches a natural slumber. Well what the hell does it matter if that happens at 3 am and I have to be up for work at 6:30?
Tonight is a turning point, I masturbated, and I still cannot get to sleep
In bed I feel vulnerable, that’s why I masturbate. Even though I may read the Bible, do whatever, I still have to fight the battle when I decide that I need to go to sleep. I can get sleepy and REAL tired when I am up doing something, like reading, studying, etc. away from the bed, but when I make the decision to physically put myself in the bed, and turn off the lights and cancel the day, that’s when I feel the urge to stroke, stroking must be carried onto completion. The nights when I don’t masturbate I just happen to reach natural slumber in time, like before 1 am, which is about 40-50% of the time.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 01:34 pm |
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Hi spe102580,
I'm sorry to hear that your struggle is so great. I'm wondering how connected this is with bedroom, bed, and dark. If you live alone and this wouldn't affect anyone, how about trying relaxing in a recliner, (if you have one,) with a soft light on, and maybe some relaxing music? Perhaps disrupting the "normal" bedtime routine/cycle would help.
OK, this thought is off the wall, but who knows. Do you have a pet? If so, does it sleep with you? I was wondering if cuddling and petting a cat or dog would distract you. I'm probably grasping at straws, but I'm just trying to think outside the box. :-)
How did you make out with the counsellor and group in January?
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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spe102580
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 04:04 pm |
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Are you suggesting that I sleep with the light on? Or fall aslepp for the night on the couch or something?
I have been meeting with the counselor and support group, but all the things they are telling me are the things that I am trying to do but dont work that I am mentioning, like reading the Word, exercising and stuff. Even the sleeping pills dont work, well the OTC ones don't. I am afraid to try prescription stuff/
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 04:37 pm |
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Hi spe102580,
Yes, either or both, anything that might disrupt the pattern of circumstances that seem to be associated with the compulsion for M. I suggest trying it when you do not have to be up early the next day, in case it doesn't result in sound sleep. Do you recall how this all began? Often the key to freedom is in understanding the roots.
TruthSeeker
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spe102580
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 06:55 pm |
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hi truth,
I have pets, but they are hamsters and fish. I started masturbating when I was 11-12, and have had a hard time stopping. No one told me what I was doing was wrong until I was 19 and since then its been a fight to stop.
I know when I was growing up I was scared of the dark but that was a long time ago. I battle negative thoughts a lot now when I go to sleep at night, like a somewhat recent break-up and the fact that I still havent found a woman.
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gaylon
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 11:54 pm |
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Do you have someone you trust that you can call and talk to when you "feel the urge"? (i.e., family member, friend, accountability partner). Talking frankly to someone, and telling them "I really want to masturbate", and getting encouragement from them can help.
Also, masturbating and/or viewing porn is a way of soothing ourselves, and releases powerful chemicals that actually alters brain chemistry and neural paths (according to some studies). There are emotional or other needs that you have, that aren't being satisfied. Ask yourself "what emotional need am I feeling - fear, boredom, insecurity, lonliness?", and, "is there a more productive way to help fulfill this need than masturbating, which only gives temporary relief, but doesn't really fill the need". You may have to try different things (which is sounds like you have tried some things). Truthseeker had some good ideas about changing up the routine. But, I do know the feeling, for sure, and being single and 19 doesn't help any. Talking to someone about it, and telling them how I feel, has been my best source of help.
Ultimately, we need to learn to fill our needs with the love of God, but, as that can take a while for some of us to develop, we have to connect with other people on a daily basis...
Another thing I've done, when the draw gets very strong, is to let the feeling wash over me without fighting it, and then praying a short, simple prayer -- "God, I really want to masturbate / view porn. It would feel so good right now, and every nerve in my body is in torture wanting it. I can't fight this one. You're going to have to fight it for me, if I'm going to make it thru this one" And release it gently to Him. And, most times, the feeling will begin to fade, and many times just go away.
Has your counselor explained the compulsive cycle to you, and about breaking out of isolation? If not, get another counselor -- Christian, who has a strong track record helping men with sexual compulsions. This is very basic to being able to change the behavior.
Best to you. Keep trying. Otherwise, even if you get married, the problem won't go away, and you might end up like so many of us "older dudes" on the forum -- 40+ years old and still fighting it, or just getting into "recovery"...
--- Gaylon V.
Last edited on Thu Apr 26th, 2007 01:56 am by gaylon
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guitarist63
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 12:43 am |
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SPE102580 I think that Gaylon has definitely identified a positive solution to preventing it happening. I also recently did just what Gaylon has suggested and a small miracle occurred - the urges and physical sensations dissolved. Handing the desire when it's at its ripest to our Saviour and being absolutely honest where we are at is the solution, as I have found it. Sometimes, it appears the urge is more powerful than at other times but the same prayer ought to be said. Anything is possible with God but we can't go far in our own strength and we have to involve our Saviour closely with the problem. I am still failing myself so any advice I give is for myself as much as anyone here. Stephen.
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spe102580
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 05:16 am |
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I just feel so disappointed and angry. This is such a simple act of man, faling asleep and all I am doing is making it so complicated. Its like I am trying to have an entire routine jsut to get to sleep. No matter what I do, or who I talk to, I have one of three choices:
masturbate and block out the idea that what I am doing is wrong helping me get to sleep at a pretty normal time
keep doing something until my body just passes out, which most times will merit me about 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and take a good 4-5 hours to get to sleep, or
I dread EVERY single night in which I have to go to sleep, except for the Friday nights (the only night of the week in which I can sleep in). but those are rare because I do a lot of outreach projects on Saturdays. and EVERY night means EVERY night. I''m almost at the point of saying that my cuonseling is pointless because I've been doing it for 4 months and still fight this. Whenever I try to fight this, I make my life miserable, because I don't get the sleep I need and it takes me forever to get up. Plus, I"m tired of spending More time GETTING to sleep than actually sleeping.
I do best when I get 8 hours of sleep per night. But I have to get up for work at 6:30-7:00, which means I have to be asleep between 10-11. If I could shoot myself with anasthesia every night I would, but I know there are serious side effects to that. I have absolutely no control over my biological clock unless I masturbate and it pisses me off.
EVERY night, I know I have to fight and I have to win, I can't let this overtake me. But it is in my mind. Going to sleep is one of the activities I least look forward too. In fact it downright frightens me
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geeky_student
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 07:08 am |
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Hello spec,
I am sorry that you have to go through such... have you tried praying lying on the bed? Try praying and really talk to God about your struggles, ask Him to show you how you can be drawn closer to Him. make sure the prayer is not about "help me, deliver me, me me me me me" make sure that it would be God's will be done, ans ask Him to disciple you. Ask to be closer to Him and be the man He wants you to be. keep your hands on the sides and outside the quilt, but most importantly be focused on God! dont be distracted
God bless! stay strong in Him, lean on the everlasting arms, fully rely on Him!
praying for you
keep clean!
____________________
For God, for her, for my parents, for own good.
tip: when tempted, think of God, think of that special someone you love. 
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pcpro171
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 11:34 pm |
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This is something with which I used to struggle constantly (and still do from time to time). I was terrified to go to bed because I knew that yet again I would fall into sin. A few things that have helped me:
- A couple extra pillows. As odd as it may sound, hugging the pillow while I sleep seems to help keep my hand from going where they ought not to go. An additional benefit is it helps to keep my back straight, so I can move it in the moving! ^_^
- Going to sleep with the light on. This doesn't necessarily mean that the light has to be on all night. I use this nifty little clock that slowly dims the light as I go to sleep.
- Going to sleep with the radio on. Most radio alarm clocks have a time-delay, so that it will turn off on its own in an hour or so. Playing some soft relaxing music, or Unshackled, helps to relax the body, so you can get some Zzzz.
God bless! ^_^
____________________
"I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases."
--Song of Solomon 8:4
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