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feelinglonely
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Posted: Sat Apr 21st, 2007 09:21 pm |
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I am new to this, so I am not sure how to start this. I am realizing that I have a problem with porn. I have denied it, because I do not look at "pornographic" pictures. My problem is that I look at personals are for sexual encounters. I am married and would never cheat on my wife, but for some reason, I look at classifieds. I think it is because of the fantasy of what could happen.
Today, for seem reason the guilt set in really bad. I go to church and I am very active in it, but I am feeling like I am going through the motions. I feel like I do not deserve Gods forgiveness for this, because I have asked for it many times before.
I am not sure what to do from here. Any advice and prayers would be great!
Last edited on Sat Apr 21st, 2007 09:25 pm by feelinglonely
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 04:28 am |
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Hi feelinglonely,
Welcome. I'm glad you have recognized this as a problem before it progressed to something more destructive. It sounds, as with the other struggles here, that you are seeking to fill a void in your life, either from present or past. Not necessarily to answer here, but how was/is your relationship with your parents? Your wife? It sounds like you may even be feeling isolated, disconnected from her at this time?
I think that most of us, at some point in our lives, have felt unworthy to be forgiven for recurring sin. Thankfully, God's Word promises forgiveness upon sincere confession.
Another thing to consider is whether you are viewing these ads online in print, or both. Is there any way to avoid encountering these ads? Is there any man in your life, your pastor, a brother, a friend from church or elsewhere, whom you would trust to ask you about this struggle and hold you accountable? If your marriage is fairly strong, it may be time to talk with your wife about this and enlist her help in filtering internet, unsubscribing to the paper, etc. If there are struggles within the marriage itself, it may be time to suggest marriage counselling, as you love her and do not want to risk further temptation in this area.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 03:34 pm |
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I feel ya! 100%
I am married and have been for almost 10 years! i had an affair for like 2yrs! my wife found out and it was a long journey back to her heart!
the woman i had an affair with is still my friend without my wife knowledge.
we were suppose to meet this friday at a hotel but she got cold feet! it is scarry cause she is married to a pastor or a group leader..not sure which!!! it is really bad for me cause i sometimes go to the VIP rooms at the strip clubs and get pleasure that way..i sometimes even call an escort service to get pleasure!!! it is really hard for me i pray everyday and ask for forgiveness and i still battle the same sexual demons!!!
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gaylon
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 12:07 am |
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Tell your wife *everything*, tonight. Read everything on the BG homepage, and start doing it. Of course, you don't have to do these things, but it's the only way you'll get free of it...
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Man
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 01:37 am |
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Answer to Lostsoul1114
Maybe the answers of what is right to do is in your own heart?
Last edited on Tue Apr 24th, 2007 01:39 am by Man
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May the Lord bless you all!
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 02:35 am |
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| I am confuse! I really want to live right!!! I am going crazee trying to be 2 different people! I am hurting so bad inside!
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Serving4Him
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 04:16 am |
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Every day is a new day. Take heart... God is still in control.
I am praying for you...
I have been married for 22 years. About 4 years ago my wife went through some tough times. To make a long story short she has no interest in sex. I have tried to show interest in her or encourage her interest in me to no avail. Up until last fall I found pleasure in releasing the frustration from on-line or cable bleed thru. I never paid for anything. I'm cheap. Finally the quilt got to me and I fight daily to "browse" for a video, or surf the channels for something. I have to find other things to do so I don't go that way. I capture my thoughts through out the day and allow the "seeing" but remove the "lookin" or "second stare". It is hard. It is a pain in the but. I have vowed to stay clean for God and my wife and pray she comes out to save our marriage.
In Christ...
"renew your mind"
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Man
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 04:43 am |
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Lostsoul1114:
Two persons are fighting inside you? Can you say more about it? What do you mean? How is it? Maybe it helps to say more?
Last edited on Tue Apr 24th, 2007 04:46 am by Man
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May the Lord bless you all!
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junkyardboy
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 05:05 am |
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lostsoul1114 wrote: I feel ya! 100%
I am married and have been for almost 10 years! i had an affair for like 2yrs! my wife found out and it was a long journey back to her heart!
the woman i had an affair with is still my friend without my wife knowledge.
we were suppose to meet this friday at a hotel but she got cold feet! it is scarry cause she is married to a pastor or a group leader..not sure which!!! it is really bad for me cause i sometimes go to the VIP rooms at the strip clubs and get pleasure that way..i sometimes even call an escort service to get pleasure!!! it is really hard for me i pray everyday and ask for forgiveness and i still battle the same sexual demons!!!
my pastor and i were talking just this afternoon....
everyday we are confronted by a myraid of decisions. when we make the right Godly decisions we feel good and at peace....when we make bad ones we feel guilt and torment and fear.
read what you have written....you don't need prayer....you need to man up and make a Godly decision.....God will not force you to obey Him and until you decide to you will always be in torment.
the word says to flee fornication...not run to it.
"There is no rowing to paradise except upon the stream of repenting tears. Till sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet. Why are the wells of repentance stopped? Do not the sinners of the land know that they should repent? Have they no warning? Have not God's faithful messengers lifted up their voice as a trumpet and cried to them to repent? But many of these tools in the ministry have been spent and worn out upon rocky hearts. Do we think that God will always put up with our affronts?
Some bless themselves that they have a stock of knowledge, but what is knowledge good for without repentance? Learning and a bad heart is like a fair face with a cancer in the breast. Knowledge without repentance will be but a torch to light the way to hell. Repentant tears may be compared to myrrh, which though it is bitter in taste, has a sweet smell and refreshes the spirit. So repentance, though it is bitter in itself, yet it is sweet in the effects. It brings inward peace."
from "Tears of Repentance" at
http://a1m.org/page.php?page=template1.php&pageid=abe9b74ba2d2c5e7bdfd9f17864a0244
____________________
have we been abandoned by God?
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 02:11 pm |
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there is so much more to say!!!
i love the other person, but not enough to leave my wife. i think i love the other person cause she is sexual like me! but even i know that will die out! i am feelin so stressed and so messed up i can't think right or even know how to act..i stay in control on how to act and it clears off alot of the grey clouds, but once i get an email from her or a text, my body get's this tingle inside and when we talk it always leads to sex or something about it! i am married and so is she! i feel terrible when i do talk to her but i don't feel it while we are talking..i tried ignoring her but she always keeps coming back to my mind and body...i sometimes feel like i am doomed! no way out but just to keep doing what i am doing! my wife is wonderful! trustworthy and the bible says, "If you have a good wife, thank God for her, for he has blessed you with her." I need help! I know I do! I am not EVER gonna tell my wife!!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 03:14 pm |
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Hi lostsoul1114,
The path toward freedom can only begin with your choices, and that includes the boundaries you set. If she e-mails you, change your e-mail address. If she text messages you or calls your cell, get the number changed. You MUST block any way that she has of reaching you, and not mess it up by contacting her and giving her the new info. If you do not get counselling, attend a support group, find accountability partners, and, yes, eventually confess your unfaithfulness to your wife, you may maintain a shell of a marriage, but will never experience oneness as God intends.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 03:17 pm |
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Thank you! SM!
I can do all this with the strength that Christ gives me! howeve, telling my wife!
FORGET ABOUT IT!!
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growingfaith
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 05:47 pm |
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Hi lostsoul,
I too was afraid of telling my wife. I first opened up to her before we got married, telling her that "in the past" I had sex with escorts, swingers, etc. I told her "in the past" I had problems with porn, phone sex, and masturbation. She thought my problem had been conquered and I never told her about my continuing problems, but that secrecy kept us from having the marriage God planned for us.
When I finally got caught cheating on her, I started telling some of my bad acts. It felt like every time I told her something new she turned hysterical, becoming even more upset. I was very confused - if she already knew I cheated why did I need to let her know about all of it?
Five months into my recovery we sat down one day and I finally disclosed all of my sexual infidelity with her since we had been together. Some of the things I had to tell her were extremely painful - that I had sex with a woman on our bed, that I had sex with a woman old enough to be my mother, that I had sex with women who were not attractive at all. I don't know where I had the courage to do this, other than through the gift of God himself. I am not scared of the truth - in fact it feels better knowing I will not have to take those things to the grave. My wife's reaction was not as bad as I thought. We even barbecued the next day and tried to spend some time being friends. It is a struggle, but it is a struggle that I created!
Your life will always feel off base if you cannot be honest with yourself and your spouse. I pray for you to have courage and do the right thing.
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junkyardboy
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 08:33 pm |
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lostsoul,
how my heart has been heavy since reading the post of your sin and the terrible path you are going down.
25 years ago i too stood at the same crossroads of life, saying and thinking the same thoughts and excuses. set aside for the ministry, a wife and 2 wonderful young daughters, saved by the precious blood of the Lamb, i cast all aside and entered into an adulterous relationship.
and there began a lifetime of darkness, despair and spiritual loneliness.
we all have choices to make in our lives and at times they are life changing to such a degree that the moment we make them we set ourselves on a path from which there is no escape.
let me share with you in a brutual, no nonsense way about the path you are on, one i have already traveled.
you are on the verge of losing everything you hold dear.
you decieve yourself if you believe your wife does not know. she may not know the details but believe me she knows the damage your wickedness has done to her and your family.
have children? at the very least you will lose them emotionally and spiritually. you will be sending them down a path of torment and despair for the rest of their natural lives. the decision that you make will impact their children and their childrens children and your memory will bring no respect but rather heartache and despair.
you are committing adultry with a church leaders wife, you both bring shame to the cross and perhaps you think that God's righteous willingness to withhold judgement against you two is His tolerance of your sin rather than His mercy to give you time to repent.
you have already crossed a line into fornication and adultry, the consequences of that are already set in motion. you may now be making the decision that will cause you to ponder at the end of your life, how many years hence who knows, but ponder you will as you get ready to step into the grave, where did it all go and all is for nothing. what will you carry before the rightous throne of The Almighty and to where will you ultimately carry it.
as one who has spent all these years knowing first hand the rightous hand of God's discipline, my soul crys out for you to save yourself from the wrath and misery to come.
throw yourself at the foot of the cross and cry tears of repentance that you may turn from your wickedness. God is indeed long suffering but He is not mocked.
"If thou Lord, shouldest mark (impute) iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?" (Ps. 130:3). Well may each of us ask this question, for it is written, "the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment" (Ps. 1:5). How sorely was Christ’s soul exercised with thoughts of God’s marking the iniquities of His people when they were upon Him! He was "amazed and very heavy" (Mark 14:33). His awful agony, His bloody sweat, His strong cries and supplications (Heb. 5:7), His reiterated prayers "If it be possible, let this cup pass from Me", His last dreadful cry, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?" all manifest what fearful apprehensions He had of what it was for God to "mark iniquities." Well may poor sinners cry out, "Lord who shall stand" when the Son of God Himself so trembled beneath the weight of His wrath? If thou, my reader, hast not "fled for refuge" to Christ, the only Saviour, "how wilt thou do in the swelling of the Jordan?" (Jer. 12:5)?
read the entire article at:
The Wrath of a Holy God
http://a1m.org/page.php?page=template1.php&pageid=1c0067d476b623aecbfe56118df21196
i pray you will not take these words lightly because the day of decision is at hand.
your feet are at the crossroads,
peter
____________________
have we been abandoned by God?
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 09:02 pm |
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growing faith,
Thank you!! my issue is that my wife found out the first time and i vow not to do it again and here we are 5yrs later me still having the affair with the same women!
i will not tell my wife!!! there is just way too much pain for her to bear!!!
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 09:05 pm |
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JUNKYARD BOY,
what you wrote does in fact scare me! if i demand my own wicked way and heading for disaster and hell! no doubt! i appreciate you taking the time on writing to me..belive me not only your reply but everyone elses i got has really helped me...i have always prayed and i believe in the Lord. my flesh is battling this war and i feel like i am losing it all! i pray for his forgiveness, wisdom and strength to remove this dark feeling or cloud away from my mind, heart and soul!
Thank you all!
Lost Soul!
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junkyardboy
Member
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 09:45 pm |
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lostsoul,
God will not force you to follow Him. that decision will be yours.
i beg you, implore you with tears and supplication, repent and turn from your sin.
do not bring this on yourself and your family.
do not do as i did.
take a week off work, isolate yourself with the Word, concentrate on God's purity and wrath, quit work and move, do whatever it takes to free yourself.
i know that the opportunity for your deliverance grows very short.
peter
____________________
have we been abandoned by God?
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php
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lostsoul1114
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 09:52 pm |
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I am trying to cope and find some kind of assistance a group in my area. I am going to talk to my wife about it, I just don't want to shame her or have her fear me or love me less cause of my sexual addiction....I am very scared on the outcome!!!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 10:03 pm |
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Hi lostsoul1114,
I am going to ask a hard question. Which truly is the most significant motivation for not telling your wife, the humility it will take to confess the sin/broken oath, the possibility that she would divorce you, or the anguished words, tears, and expression on her face? The humility is essential before the Lord to have a chance at freedom/recovery. I can make no guarantees about whether she will stay or go. If she is walking with the Lord, and, by His grace stays, is not God capable of helping her through the pain? I am praying that God will prepare her heart, as well as that you would cling to God for the strength to do what you need to do to end this addiction. I will also admit, (not that my prayers are any different from anyone else's,) that I am praying that if you do not bring this before her, that it will, nonetheless, be revealed to her. Please understand that my greatest desire, the reason I spend so much time here, is to see God work mightily in family's and individual's lives, so that Satan, the devouring lion, will be robbed of at least some of his prey.
TruthSeeker
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