4/14/2007 Fell
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johnny
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Joined: Mon Mar 19th, 2007
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Mana: 
  Posted: Wed Apr 18th, 2007 03:15 pm
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Satuday night I mastrubated and looked at porn for the first time in an month. I felt a level of sexual arousal and temptation that I thought was gone in me. I had not been tempted like that in over a month. I failed. I thought about calling my accountability partner but I did not.

   I had been out of town for business all week and was exhausted. I geuss I felt like I deserved it since I had worked so hard and ironically had not fallen while I was out of town. I had been tempted and even looked on some women at the event lustfully. I was also a little put out when I returned home and my wife did not feel good so we didn't have sex. I'm not at all saying this was her fault. Please don't take it that way. I could have called my accountability person and that would have liley helped.

 Needless to say I have felt guilty and a little depressed since then. Worst of all I feel the closeness that I had with God before has diminished. I know he is stil there and still loves me. But I have pushed him away.

 My level of sexual arousal has diminished slightly since Saturday but it has still not subsided to the level it was before. Please pray for me that I return to recieve God's love and grace and that my level of sexual arousal dies.

IN the month that I was sober I made love to my wife for the first time in a long time and enjoyed it without fantasy. I pray that returns too.  
guitarist63
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Mana: 
  Posted: Wed Apr 18th, 2007 10:28 pm
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Praying for you, Johnny.  Our feelings are one thing but that doesn't change the fact that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  He paid the price for our sin.  He is gracious to forgive us if we confess our sin.  He never gives up. It's hard, I know, accepting that He still loves us after each failure but He does.  I pray for you to draw closer to God and to know His presence.  Isaiah 44 verse 22 is a good verse to recite to yourself when you're feeling condemned for sin.  Our feelings are not reliable - we should only trust God's word which is to encourage, forgive, comfort, drawing us near to the throne of grace.  We are his family - He would be lonely without us!  Stephen

Last edited on Wed Apr 18th, 2007 10:30 pm by guitarist63

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