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johnny
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 04:50 am |
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| Anyone got any advice to get rid of old fantasies. These seem to be a stumbling block to me almost more than porn. I can turn off the computer but its harder to control thoughts.
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TimM
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 12:41 pm |
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Some people pray for the people involved in those thoughts, though I worry about embracing the thought that far.
All the monastic literature is clear that we are not responsible for thoughts coming into our heads as long as we turn away from them and let them pass through without engaging them. It's when we pick up the thought and linger at it that we become culpable.
I try to recognize the thoughts as they appear and to ste aside from them. I pray to Christ, giving the thought to Him, reminding Him and myself of my powerlessness over such thoughts and asking Him to take the thought away in order that I might be able better to serve Him. I ask Him to show me His will for me now, and to grant me the strength to carry it out. I give thanks for His blessings in the past in granting me a new life, enumerate some of those blessings, and remind myself of the horrors of embracing those thoughts. Then I go on in peace, keeping His name and His presence in my heart.
If I'm still tempted - which is not common - then I try to work out what I'm doing wrong in my program. I'll call a friend or sponsor or go to a meeting and I'll share about the temptation. I'll try to discern what I am running from as I run toward addiction, and to address that cause. I'll connect with people, do step work, and be cautious about being alone or other triggers. Thoughts that do not pass are opportunities to learn about some other stress, some other fear, some other part of my behavior that I am still hiding from and medicating in diseased ways. I try to take advantage of that opportunity, and actually to learn.
That's what I do. It's surrender and working the program.
I've also heard people talk about interrupting the thought with other, unrelated thoughts. I sometimes think of my friend Alan saying with amazement, "You didn't look, and you didn't die!" Another friend thinks about the power and grandeur of Niagara Falls, and about the strength and integrity of George Washington, whom he greatly admires. Pick what works for you - anything far from the tempting image and easy to conjure up. Big red STOP signs work for some.
Just a few possibilities. I'm sure there are many others.
Tim M.
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johnny
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 02:18 pm |
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| Thanks for the wise words. Please pray for me as I will pray for you. Johnny
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tallmike00
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 02:21 pm |
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I have a workable suggestion: (works for me anyway) Memorize 2nd Corinthians 10:5 For we are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God and we are taking every thought captive to obediance of Christ.
When you remember a porn image, acknowledge that it is unpleasing to God, bind it, and turn it over to Jesus Christ, your Savior.
Another thing, the tendency for the images to come to mind will diminish over time. If you read the Bible, some amount, daily, you will be diluting the stuff in your memory. Just like adding pure water to polluted water, with enough dilution of pure water (God's Word) eventually, the polluted water of your memory will go to a cleaner and cleaner state. If you feed the Spirit, spiritual things will begin to take precedence in your thinking. If you feed the flesh, the flesh will overrule spiritual things. If you are a Christian and repentant over your past sins, have asked God to give you a clean heart and for a renewal of your mind (in accordance with Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23) you have the Holy Spirit active in you. You must reckon yourself to be dead to the realm of sin and alive to Christ Jesus. You are now a slave to righteousness and you can overcome the previous sinful ways. That doesn't say it will be easy. It will take diligence but you have the enabling power of the Holy Spirit within you and you CAN overcome the previous sinful ways.
Over the past five months God has sustained me in my desire to be free of a desire for pornography and sexual sin. He can sustain you too but you must stay with him daily as your heart's desire. May God be glorified in your life.
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johnny
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 06:46 pm |
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| Thank you so much for your reply. I will try to repeat that verse when tempted. I like that we are taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ. I also like your medaphore about clean and dirty water. I have been clean for about two weeks. I hope that with the spirit's help, suggestions like your and prayers from people like you I can be sustained. Jon
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon Mar 26th, 2007 09:41 pm |
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Hey Johnny. I think there is a distinction between thoughts or pictures that flash across your mind involuntarily and a fantasy. A fantasy to me is something we conjure up purposefully to arouse ourselves or stimulate our imagination and in this context it is sexual, obviously. Tallmike is right to suggest we do what the Bible tells us to do - take captive the thought, bind it and give it to Jesus. I have been doing this successfully lately but I don't suffer a great deal from porn flashes and I have never (amazingly) experienced any porn flashes in my sleep. Praying for you. Stephen
Last edited on Thu Jun 21st, 2007 10:07 pm by guitarist63
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Mark37
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 12:26 am |
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johnny wrote: Anyone got any advice to get rid of old fantasies. These seem to be a stumbling block to me almost more than porn. I can turn off the computer but its harder to control thoughts.
When you get one praise God for it! Thats right praise God for it! That it has no power over you and that you need not condemn yourself for it! If you don't you will think that God is frowning at you and is abandoning you and you feel this pain and want to go through with it because you feel guilty anyways and pain and will use porn or fantasy as a temporary anesthetic and feel even worse afterwards.
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P2J
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 03:19 am |
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Not withstanding the advice offered by Tim, Mike, Steven & Mark above, some further thoughts...
A fantasy is not the same as a thought. A fantasy is a construct of a number of thoughts that produce a comforting and gratifying sensation. They play over and over like an old vinyl record with a scratch.
While I can't speak for everybody, fantasies of a sexual nature focus on some aspect of the flesh, the imagined feel of a womans body or body parts with out getting specific. It has astounded me recently how infantile sexual fantasies can be.
For me, that points to intimacy issues; intimacy defects that is. Disruptions and breeches in intimacy between parent and child are not the child's fault, but they happen anyway. Disruptions and breeches in intimacy between God and an adult are the adult's fault; and that's only if intimacy can be established in the first place.
Do I have an intimate relationship with God? No! Why not? Because I've failed to cultivate one. I've chosen the comfort of the flesh to attempt to satisfy my intimacy needs rather than satisfy them in God, effectively short circuiting any input of the Holy Spirit.
Men that marry for the purpose of gaining a substitute for their mother is an example. That's a simple transference of intimacy needs from mother to wife. She (the wife) feels that instead of gaining a husband, she gains a dependent son; dependent on her for his intimacy needs because he can't be fulfilled in God.
I guess my question to johnny is "What intimacy need is the recurring fantasy attempting to fulfil?" And secondly, "How can that intimacy need be taken to and fulfilled in God?"
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johnny
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 06:07 pm |
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| Thanks alot man that was really insightful. I know that the sexual intimacy in my marriage is not what it should be. Sometimes I feel gross after sex. Sometimes I feel gross just thinking about sex. Not only with my wife but when I think about sex with other women. I hope that this knew charge of mine to kick the habit will also renew my desire for my wife. Today I have contacted a christian man who is also in recovery to be my accountibility partner. I feel good about this decision and thank God that I was able to take this step. I had been meaning to do this for months but made the excuse I didn't have his number. Last night God revealed to me where I had left his number. That's the only way I can explain it. I would have never looked for his number where I found it. I plan over the next few weeks to contact other two christian males to be accountibility partners for me too. Please pray for me that I carry out this plan and that spirit will continue to work in my life. I hope these things will kill these fantasies and renew my sexual desire for my wife. Thank you all so much . Johnny
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