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geeky_student
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Posted: Tue Mar 6th, 2007 05:26 am |
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Report on Pornography and Masturbation 03-05-07
Ok, I feel like a hypocrite: I've posted several times and have said how "don't look at it at all in the first place, don't give in, think about the eternal things instead of the worldly and temporary things." Well, I did the opposite. This is so perverted!!!!!
It bothers me because before and during I was asking God for something--which I care more about than porn. But I just gave in and started p & m (pornography and masturbation). Also, earlier today I've had thoughts about p & m as in I was somewhat wanting to give in today for escape (quite disgusting isn't it). But God showed me another way and gave me something nice and cheered me up -- I might have a piano student now  It's really a blessing since I can bring home perhaps $10 a week. I really messed up! I thanked God and realized how wrong it would be for me to go through that junk today (which I did, sadly). I even promised God that I will not p or m anymore since the Holy Spirit really touched me with God’s infinite love and blessings. PRAISE GOD!
Okay so I think this is how it started: yesterday it was like 11:30pm (totally should've shut down the computer, I was surfing meaninglessly). This is when I stumbled across a site which had game downloads and had some suggestive games (no "nudity" but suggestive clothes), this I played for a while (and thank God that there was no nudity). I felt really bad afterwards because the Holy Spirit told me how it is like the same thing to pornography. So I broke my "very close to be” weekend without any porn streak… so close! (I fail on weekends a lot, at least once).
So I felt guilty and confessed my sins to God, there were these evil thoughts again during the day today: stupid devilish thoughts that flashes up in my head like… okay this is kind of hard for me to admit, thoughts like I am saying “I serve satan” and “curse you God” (makes no sense, I don’t want to think these things at all, I do believe that it’s the evil one trying to deceive me into thinking that I am not saved, that I am not Christian—which I just thought but thank God I didn’t buy into that—because God told me the truth J). These thoughts were bothering me and I kept feeling down until after dinner I felt better because God has comforted me and helped me analyze my thoughts and forgiven me of my sins.
So then I started doing my history homework, which is on the computer—I was thinking of going there but said no and commanded the devil to go away in Jesus’s Name.
Then I did what I am strongly against: pushing the border thinking it’ll just be this far (but I was being a hypocrite today L). So I pushed the border thinking “oh it won’t progress after this”). Well, it did. And soon I found myself in this crap again with sick videos which fakes love making (stupid Hollywood movies) and all sorts of perversion. Then I felt bad a stopped for a while—and then felt angry since I thought “it’s too late” (no it’s not! God is always there waiting for us even when we are in the midst of sinning). So I just became angry and thought “might as well just go ahead and …” (not a good choice).
Also, I want to ask for some help here: ok, during the m I was wearing (excuse me for the details) the pants I wear to school. Now in the process of changing pants for “convenience” I thought about how wrong it was to continue—so I had a stop sign there, but I kept going. I felt that satisfying that selfish want was more important (thought I hide this from my thinking so I don’t feel guilty and stop).
There are times when I called out to God for help. He reached out his hand, I didn’t want to turn away from it myself. L
I shouldn’t use these good hands (big hands and long fingers along with the gifts of such good piano playing, clarinet playing, perfect pitch, such good hearing, music composing, music, melodies, songs, and many many many many more blessings God has given me which will take me forever to list). I should use them for Godly purposes and Godly purposes only J
I pray that God won’t turn His back on me or take away any of those blessings or deny my requests (the one mentioned above). Well, His will be done for He knows what is best J
I think what we have to do is to expose to ourselves every thought—like the ones I hid from my thinking—that what I was doing really was that I was being like Esau—picking worldly things over the Godly gifts, talents, ministries, inheritances, blessing, eternal things, meaningful things, things which glorifies God and not ourselves.
We shouldn’t not worship sex or anyone but God, when we p or m we commit adultery, lying, idolatry, coveting, stealing, and murder—like it says in the Bible, when we commit one sin we violate all laws.
And when I p & m I think of the woman as an object, and imagine her saying perverted, abuse-wanting things to me—God always show me how disgusting it is. When we look at p and/or m we use the person as an object for our selfish wants.
And starting the battle thinking that “watch, I am going to fail” isn’t a good idea, either.
Please do pray for me!!! and pray that God will purify all of our thoughts
another thing (this is gross) I was thinking of God when I e'd (you know what I mean). I was trying to stop so I try to think of God and ... Please pray that God will keep me away from the evil one's deceivery saying "oh God hates you now because you sinned and committed blasphemy" (the enemy doesn't want us to pray to God. Therefore do not feel reluctant to pray about anything small thing--God cares!
Thanks!
Keep clean everyone! J
God is with us J
Last edited on Tue Mar 6th, 2007 05:41 am by geeky_student
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For God, for her, for my parents, for own good.
tip: when tempted, think of God, think of that special someone you love.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2007 12:00 am |
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Geeky, did you ever try the strategy of imagining that you're looking into the face of Jesus? Try doing that and doing the "m" or the "P" and I hope it would help put the break on all that stuff. You need deliverance from the "m" and "p" like myself and a lot of people here. As you say, you can stay away from these things and if the mind isn't renewed and changed along with the heart and the spirit then you bump along without any lasting victory. I am reminded of Romans 6 verse 19. You've heard it tonnes of times. Plenty other verses, of course.
Hope this helps. Praying for you. We need to move on and grow in the Faith after overcoming these obstacles. I think a forward view - a plan for your future as a Christian, setting goals (and always seeking and praying to the Lord about your plans, of course) would be a great strategy for overcoming the persistent sins - indeed all sin (let's not discriminate). I am going to try that myself. I thought of it to apply to myself and thought I'd share it with you. Stephen
Last edited on Thu Jun 21st, 2007 11:02 pm by guitarist63
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