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RickH
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Posted: Wed Mar 14th, 2007 12:27 am |
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Marc,
Great question. This accountability forum as well as my personal accountability partner (and my wife) should/will all be asking me if I had a porn-free trip. My request to you is that you will ask me upon my return. I realize you have no idea if I am lying to you, but I would have to lie to you, to my personal accountability partner, to my wife...it then becomes easier to just stay clean. So, please...ask me on Friday.
God Bless
Rick
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forthelord33
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Posted: Wed Mar 14th, 2007 01:42 am |
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Hi,
Yea, it's helpful to have people to report to at the end of the trip. but what are your specific plans to stay safe, while on the trip. Do you have regular calls planned with your wife ?, Do you have blocks on your computer, have you asked the hotel to cancel adult movies and to not allow them under any circumstances, do you have access to a pool or gym for late night exersise ? Have you scheduled regular prayer time or plan to write out a psalm ? Psalm 27 is real potent ? Just some thoughts since planning is essential.
Cheers,
Marc
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guitarist63
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 08:02 pm |
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How did you get on in Denver, Rick? Prayed for you. I've also bought book at the suggestion of one of the forum members, by Philip Yancey, "Prayer. Does it make any difference?" It only became available in the UK last year. I have read the first few sections. I believe the Holy Spirit gives us the words to pray, as scripture tells us, and no amount of text books on the subject can be a substitute. Guitarist63
Last edited on Thu Jun 21st, 2007 02:52 am by guitarist63
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forthelord33
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 10:58 pm |
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Hi,
You asked me to check in with you to see how clean the trip was. So, I'm checking in and look forward to hearing from you.
Cheers,
Marc
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RickH
Member
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Posted: Sun Mar 18th, 2007 11:50 pm |
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Marc, Stephen,
Thank you gentlemen for your prayers and accountability. But, I failed you, AGAIN! I feel terrible about this. I thought I had truly broken the cycle of sexual sin, "repentance", followed by sexual sin, followed by "repentance", etc. etc. Inspite of all my words, my actions prove I have not.
So, I have a decision to make. I am not going to post any more entries unless I can prove to myself that I am serious about sexual sobriety. Prove I am serious about following Christ.
I don't blame you if you give up on me. As for me, as I said before, I have a decision to make.
Rick
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P2J
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Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2007 01:36 am |
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Hi RickH,
Confessing your failure is the only evidence God needs to be convinced of your seriousness. Withholding posts amounts to isolationism. Quite frankly, I enjoy your posts and take encouragement from them, even the ones that are the most painfull to write.
In my view, confessing your failure and rejoicing in His salvation earns you a crown of glory. Happy day.
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forthelord33
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Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2007 02:03 am |
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Dear Rick,
First of all, what "we" think does not really matter. We are all part of the body of Christ." The lord does not get sick of you..the Lord continues to love you and wants the best for you. How can we not want the best for you as well. This is a support forum for fellow sex addicts, in various stages of recovery. We have all fallen, we all carry mountains of shame...that our merciful lord removes with his love. Don't go hide your head in the sand, mate. The devil wants you alone in that dark place. This is spiritual warfare and one needs warriors in Christ to go into battle with. The deal is that one needs a plan to fight a war and I challenged you in previous postings to come up with a plan, for during the trip....not just who you would report to when it was over. So, instead of beating yourself up, take that energy and pray. I would like you to write out the kind of safety plan that would of worked to get you through the trip. Not just a plan detailing who you would of accounted to at the end of the trip but how you would of stayed away from sin during the trip. Put, differently, how you would of keep the stronghold of the lord, wrapped more tightly around you, during the trip.
Cheers brother,
Marc.
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TimM
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Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2007 02:14 am |
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RickH wrote: I am not going to post any more entries unless I can prove to myself that I am serious about sexual sobriety. Dubious srategy in my opinion. It feeds the isolation and shame that are part of the addictive cycle. Much better to be around other people and to share your thoughts about when things went wrong, what you were feeling then and before then, what you might have done to break the cycle before it was too late, and what you will do next time. Also, more globally, what changes need to happen in your overall recovery plan - whether there are things you are still holding on to or things you refuse to do that now need to be on the table.
Good job coming back and sharing the results of your field work. That's not easy, and it's the right and important thing to do.
Just how it seems to me, of course.
Tim M.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2007 08:53 pm |
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Rick, sorry to hear you failed but God loves you and He would say that you should stay and get help - encouragement, brotherly fellowship, love, sympathy, advice from the others here. I also failed today - 8th day since the last offence which was 11 March. I hope you'll change your mind and stay and battle it out with the support you'll continue to receive here. Blessings, Stephen.
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TROtoddUBLE
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Posted: Fri Mar 23rd, 2007 04:44 pm |
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Hey Rick, we've all been there. God still loves you and has a plan for your life and what you are going through. When all is said and done God will be glorified through you.
Don't allow Satan to whisper any failures in your ear.
This is just one more step closer to you becoming stronger.
Think of all God has done through you already, you've recognized your porn addiction (how many have not?) you've confessed your sin (you've been forgiven) your story was written before you were born and God saw all of this, He sent His Son to save you and HE DID. For all our failures.
God Knows the battles we are headed into each day.You've connected yourself to a network of men (what kind of courage did that take?) who want to support you and I frankly need to read the strength and courage in the help we give each other.
Don't disconnect yourself, from what has been accomplished so far.
The hardest thing I had to deal with, was my belief I had failed God, but in that statement, I made myself equal to God, like I could ever understand God's Love
God say's He loves you, He will never leave you or forsake you, He won't. Kind of like no man left behind, He comes after you, and will pick you up, all He asked you to do is call on Him. Don't be afraid, He already knows what we've done, he wants us to fess up, and let Him be God
God create in Rick a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right Spirit within him.
Todd
Last edited on Fri Mar 23rd, 2007 04:45 pm by TROtoddUBLE
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RickH
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Posted: Fri Apr 6th, 2007 10:56 pm |
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Todd, Stephen, TimM, Marc,PJ2
Thank you gentlemen, for your posts of encouragement and grace. You are all correct, of course. If I am serious about walking with the Lord, I cannot withdraw. That is a formula for failure.
Since my last post, I attended a meeting of the SLAA. It stands for Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I had never heard of this group, but I was encouraged to go by a brother. The group is patterned after AA. 12 step program, etc. That is fine, but I have two issues with the group. First, it was co-ed! Not what I expected or need. The female members suffered from Love addiction which, frankly, I had never head of. But, I was not comfortable admitting I was a sex addict to a mixed group of men and women. More significantly, this group talked about their "higher power". Not Jesus, not God but higher power. I need a Jesus-centered group of accountability and grace. Which brings me back to you good men.
So, I'm back, warts and all.
Have a blessed Easter!
Rick
Clean for 21 days.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Apr 6th, 2007 11:19 pm |
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Hi Rick,
Have you checked to see if there is a
http://www.celebraterecovery.com
group in your area?
TruthSeeker
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Living with Grace
Member
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Posted: Sat Apr 7th, 2007 12:44 am |
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Rick H, glad to hear from you. I'm praising God for your 21 days and praising him too for this word which I believe is guiding you even now into truth and victory:
Hebrews 11:6 - "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
Tallmike on the Introduction forum says he made some excellent progress with a group called Addicts Victorious. Their website is at :
http://www.addictsvictorious.com/
Praying for you, brother.
____________________
"For I am persuaded, that [nothing!!! absolutely nothing!!!] shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8: 38-39
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TimM
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Posted: Sat Apr 7th, 2007 04:52 am |
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Rick H,
If 12-step meetings continue to seem like a possible avenue of recovery, you may well be able to find all men's meetings. At least in my area, most of the SAA meetings are all male or very largely male.
On the openness of the program to people from a variety of faiths, I can't do much, but I will certainly that for me, getting into the 12-step program has been the most important event of my life in helping me build a real faith in Christ. Accepting that God will really do even for people like me the miracles of recovery and sobriety and personal direction I see among my fellow addicts has taken a cold, intellectual belief and has begun to turn it to real faith.
For me, there isn't any conflict between my faith in Christ and my recovery through SLAA. Working the program has brought me to Christ; and I think the rooms of AA and the other fellowships inspired by it may well bring more people to faith than do many, many churches.
Just my experience, not a theological dogma or an attempt to argue on general principles.
Do keep working on finding local support, though. It offers lots of things that we good men can't.
Tim M.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Apr 7th, 2007 03:10 pm |
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Hey Rick, delighted you're back at blazinggrace and congratualtions on your 21 day achievement so far. God's strength and Spirit be with you daily in your walk with Him. You're doing better (21 days) than I have so far. Easter blessings, Stephen
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forthelord47
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Posted: Sat Apr 7th, 2007 03:32 pm |
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Blessed to hear from you, Rick.
Cheers,
Marc
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TROtoddUBLE
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Posted: Sun Apr 8th, 2007 01:31 am |
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Congats on your 21 (22) days sober.
It's good to get involved with a group, I personally would stay away from any co-ed group, for quite some time though. Your playing with fire there, until you have really got a hold of your recovery, and that could be 3 to 6 months sober (and that's if there's absolutly no sexual failure [tough to do] not impossible just tough), it may be even as long as a year, before your strong enough to talk with women and their sexual addictions.
I realize I've browsed websites of women addicts and found their stories helpful, but I can see how that can be a stumbling area. Maybe, if that's the only group available, bring an acccountibility person with you.
Anyway it was great hearing from you.
Enjoy the celebration of the Risen Christ. He's is Risen, He is Risen indeed.
Todd
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