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TimM
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 11:29 pm |
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Friends,
One of you sent me a PM today expressing gentle concern at the harsh and unfrendly nature of a couple of my recent posts. That was a valid concern, and I appreciate the friendship in which it was offered.
I won't make excuses. I'm allowing tension in other areas of my life to manifest itself here by being more confrontational than I should with new members. That's helpful neither for my recovery nor for theirs. I've been wrong to let myself be as brusque as I've been here lately. It's neither welcoming nor good for the board. I'll try to do better - to work through my tensions in healthier ways, and to think before I post.
On fora like this, it's really very important to me to try to treat people with gentleness and respect. I really work hard at that; so I'm more than a little sheepish at having it pointed out to me that I haven't succeeded very well this week. I both apologize to people I may have offended, and thank the member who went out on a limb to call me on my actions. I hope those I've snapped at will forgive my impoliteness, and more importantly, that they will keep coming back.
If there is more I can do to make things right, I hope people will let me hear about it.
Finally, I hope it doesn't mar the apology too much if I psychologize a bit at the end, here. I'm a shy and perfectionistic person who runs from conflict, who fears being wrong, and who has trouble listening to correction. I'm therefore rather amazed that my reaction right now to being corrected for wrong actions is not to run and hide or to feel dreadful or to get mad or to go inside myself and try not to feel anything, but to accept the concern and to work calmly to make things better. I don't know if I'm doing that well right now, but I couldn't have done it at all not many years ago. I'm deeply grateful to my recovering friends for helping me move to where I can at least imagine better ways to live, and where I can begin to experience the hope that recovery holds for all of us.
Again, thanks for pointing out my shortcomings.
Tim M.
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henny
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 06:06 am |
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Tim,
It's almost 10 pm here, and I've got to hit the sack, but I didn't want your incredible honesty to go unrecognized. You are a valued and trusted member of this forum. Or at least that is my opinion. You have run the gamut, taken the lashes and fought the good fight of the faith.
I'm not sure which posts you were called out on, but I read just about everything on this web site and I do not recall anything that I would consider uncalled for. That doesn't mean someone didn't pick up on something that may have tasted a little off. But, that, my friend and brother, is the wonder of God's grace and the unique family he has given us here.
I am always thankful when I see that you have responded to a recent post, be it a "newbie" or some old hand around here, you always seem to have something substantial to offer. God has given you wisdom and understanding and a heart for those of us suffering with this shame-filled addiction.
Your kindness, and compassion and obvious heart for the healing of God's children shines through everything you post here. If you had a bad day, I for one didn't notice and certainly don't care.
Your contributions to the sexually addicted are far too valuable. If you blew it, so be it. Keep on keepin on. You are loved and highly respected.
And I believe I have the Spirit on this.
Your grateful brother in Christ,
Matt
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Feb 16th, 2007 06:32 am |
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Hi Tim. I, too, wanted to commend your post of such immense courage. Only eternity is likely to reveal the extent of the incalculable encouragement you are here.
TruthSeeker
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TimM
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Posted: Fri Feb 16th, 2007 11:35 am |
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Thanks, friends, but of course you grossly exaggerate my courage and rarity. Step 10 says, "Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." Millions of people do that every day and stay sober. Miliions of others don't. Which looks better?
And admitting not being nice is not really one of the big ones. My grandsponsor (my sponsor's sponsor) once made an amends by returning to a store he had robbed a few years earlier before he got sober. He apologized, gave back the money and asked if there was anything else he could do to help make things right. The manager was just stunned, and pointed out that he could call the police and have him jailed. He admitted that this was true, but said that his sobriety was important to him and that in order to stay sober, he needed to make amends for his wrongs and to be honest. In the end, the manager took the money and let him go.
That's what real recovery looks like. I haven't even begun compared to folks like that.
Do well, all, and thank you for the kind words and confidence.
Tim M.
Last edited on Sat Feb 17th, 2007 08:55 pm by
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon Feb 19th, 2007 12:12 am |
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Hey Tim,
You're Ok. I enjoy your analytical turn of phrase and your transparent honesty. Bless, Stephen
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