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Rajan
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 11th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Jan 19th, 2007 11:21 pm |
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Hi I'm a new member to this forum, and this is my first post. I'm 29 and I'm a sex addict. My father is an recovering alcoholic, watching him making sincere promises to quit the drinking and breaking them, then confronting him, accusing him of being unable to keep his word and all sorts. I am no better. Making promises to myself never to visit an massage parlour again, then going back on my word. The difference is that his compulsion to drinking cant be hidden, mine can, as I do it in secretly. Perhaps this addiction was ideal to numb the pain of my suffering since childhood.
I think subconsciously I dont want to quit, after all when my mind becomes agitated, the best response would be to just sit back, and observe the mind as a bystander, concentrate on my breathing. Eventually the mind would calm down, repeating this again and again would become habitual. What i'm trying to say is perhaps even if we are given a key to walk out of the cell straight into freedom, we dont want to. Come on how may times have we made oaths and broken them? There is an element of nihilism related to this compulsion. I think 99.9% of addicts take there addictions to the grave with them. Even if we have held our ground for 2-3 days etc, something has to fill the void left over, what can be more exhilarating then the buzz, the high we get through sex addiction, the lust, images of the bodies of beautiful females, the build-up to the final climax. Is it such a powerful toxic, that it cant be belittled, and doesnt take second place to anything, except that something that holds greater value to us. It's a spiritual sickness!
Today I have made a sincere vow never to visit a massage parlour again, or to view porn, I'll keep you guys posted on my progress.
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RickH
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Posted: Fri Jan 19th, 2007 11:38 pm |
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Welcome, Rajan. I'm new as well. I just posted my story earlier today. It's all about rejecting the siren song of lust. Years of listening to its false promises has left me empty and self-centered. I am praying and pulling for you. We are in this together.
Rick
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TimM
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Posted: Fri Jan 26th, 2007 12:13 pm |
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Rajan,
Welcome! How's it going by now?
May I quote two bits from your first post?
Rajan wrote: . . . Making promises to myself never to visit an massage parlour again, then going back on my word. . .
Today I have made a sincere vow never to visit a massage parlour again, or to view porn . . .
The comment I would make about this is that it sounds like you have tried the approach of making promises already and have found that it didn't work for you. What are you doing now that is different, that might lead to a different outcome?
I ask because I spent 30 years making promises and fighting the addiction by will power, and guess what? When I always tried to fight the same way, I always got the same result - defeat.
What I needed was both a radical new commitment and a radical new approach. I needed to become willing to do all the things I had alway said were impossible for me - talking to other people, attending 12-step meetings, finding a sponsor and working the steps, getting counseling, facing myself and being willing to uproot my whole way of life. All this really is transforming my life. I'm living in blessings I've never imagined, and I've been sober for the last 14 months. This isn't very long, of course, but it's much longer than I ever dreamed of on my own.
I hope your current resolve works for you. If it doesn't, though, I hope you are open to trying new solutions and that you do not pursue failed methods for decades, as I did.
Again, welcome.
Tim M.
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SomeGuy
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Posted: Sat Jan 27th, 2007 03:25 am |
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Welcome aboard.
I know how you feel. My brother is a recovering drug addict and I was always hardest on him when he would fall and start using drugs after a period of recovery. All the while I was addicted to porn and masturbation, making the same promises to stop and always failing to do so. I was such a hypocrite, God forgive me.
Now I am more committed than ever to steop this. And I have been successful thus far, though the cravings to give in never go away. In fact, just before I logged in here I was under tremendous pressure to visit porn sites. I have the house to myself, and it's dark and quiet. Perfect conditions for me to transform into "Gollum" and take comfort in the precious, if you catch my meaning.
But instead, I said no. And not just in my mind, I spoke the words and I came here.
Now the urge is gone, thank God. And my family is back.
I have stood firm another day. God willing, I will be able to say the same tomorrow and the day after. It's a hard struggle, but we will be victorious if we focus on Christ.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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APR
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Posted: Mon Jan 29th, 2007 03:44 pm |
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Welcome Brother!
I hope to hear how you are doing soon. I am praying for you.
God Bless
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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