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spe102580
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 1st, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Jan 5th, 2007 04:24 am |
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Envy is another cause leading me to 'm'. I think about others and how well they have it. How they have wives and seem to have happy marriages and are having sex and I'm not. I feel a little weird. I'm trying to get into ministry and at the ordination board the superintendent said "bring your wife too" I told him I didnt have one and he just said "oh" like he was shocked. During the interview he asked me if there was anyone I was dating, had dated, was interested in dating, or interested in getting to know, had any dates planned, etc. I told him about how I went out to eat with one girl the previous night and then he and the other credentialing officer prayed that God would lead me and her to get married. He said "we just prayed you a wife". Needless to say nothing happened with that girl. But I felt like such a failure. I didn't measure up because of my personal status. I was one of those "weird" guys, I felt like less of a man. In fact, every ministry interview I was involved with where that question was asked, I did not get the job.
But my rush has only landed me in relationships where I didn't feel quite right. I am 26, and feel like I am behind the 8-ball a lot of times. I think of a lot of my friends who got married right out of college and now have started having kids and have great jobs. I am a temp worker who sits at a desk doing next to nothing for 8 hours. I masturbate because it brings me only temporary relief, but this envy of all my friends and what they have and are able to do.
My dad and mom are divorced. I asked my dad why he married my mom and he said "I don't know" I asked him again and again and after saying the same thing he added "I guess a man just gets to a point in his life where he doesn't want to be alone anymore. Your mother was rushing me, I didnt want to but I just did for some reason." As bad as I want a marriage, I want it to a hot godly woman, not just anyone. I can't marry just anyone. But I think about myself, my issues and where I am compared to my peers it beings me discouragement. I have to get married or I will never be anything in ministry because of what that guy said to me during the interview. I feel like such an outcast.
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gaylon
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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Posted: Fri Jan 5th, 2007 05:18 am |
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Definitely pay for some competent Christian counseling. It's not the only answer, and not even the main answer, but I'm guessing you'll need it to help you through the emotional pain you're suffering. Masturbating definitely soothes it, but only for a short time. An hour later you're feeling worse than ever about yourself... It's a vicious cycle that you will not be able to solve by yourself... Please, get some help. It's really tough for a guy to do this, but you won't regret it...
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Fri Jan 5th, 2007 07:24 am |
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Hi Spe,
That was terribly unkind of them to say that to you. God has called you to ministry just as you are. That is not to say that there won't be any given number of changes in your life circumstances during your ministry, but a wife is not an essential component.
I was reading yesterday in 1 Cor. 7, where, among other things, the apostle Paul was commenting that singles can more fully devote themselves to the Lord's work as they are not distracted by spouse, family, etc.
I would note, however, that you are, in fact, quite distracted from ministry by this addiction, and would urge, as Gaylon has, that you seek Godly counselling, (not from the clowns who "prayed" you a wife,) as soon as possible. God does not have cookie cutter formulas for those through whom He wishes to minister.
...And I'm sure I don't need to mention what Scripture has to say about envy/covetousness...
Praying for you to be able to recognize and navigate the enemy's stumbling blocks...
TruthSeeker
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