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wretch_like_me
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Posted: Fri Dec 29th, 2006 07:32 am |
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"You can't prevent a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest."
This is a quote that I heard a while ago that dealt with temptation; not sure where it came from.
This describes my last couple of weeks. I have not given in to look at porn since Nov. 25th, but the temptation has certainly been there. There were a few days a couple of weeks ago where I dared not to even log on to the computer for fear of where I'd end up. This last week has been somewhat of a reprieve, as I have not been anywhere near a computer with Internet access (been travelling over the Christmas holiday).
I almost didn't log on today either, because as I drove home from my trip, I would have different images "pop" into my head of different porn sites that I've previously visited. I think part of this was because I knew that I had to look up some things when I got home (online banking; check email; check the news; etc.) so I think that Satan was priming the pump with these other thoughts. I felt rather weak earlier, but I risked logging on to the computer and pretty much came straight here. I have found that reading others' struggles and successes has encouraged and strengthened me especially on days like today.
While God has graciously given me some victories with regard to the Internet, I've been reminded of the other areas where Satan likes to tempt. For instance, I would be out in public & catch myself doing a "second glance" at an attractive woman. Or a Victoria's Secret commercial would come on while I'm watching TV. Or yesterday, I was in a store & walked by a poster in the women's department of a very scantily clad lady. After I realized that I was, in fact, staring at this picture, (I'm now trying to picture what I must have looked like gawking at this image) I thought of a couple of things. The first was this mental picture of a bird landing on my head & starting to build a nest. This image of a 3/4-naked woman was this bird and I had to mentally "shoo" it away. The second thought was a lament about how our society has gotten to the point where this image in a major retail store is considered completely normal and acceptable. There are stumbling blocks all around us that we must constantly be on the lookout for otherwise we will trip and fall flat on our faces.
Well, just wanted to check in & say that there are birds circling over my head looking for a place to land, but thanks to God's provision, I've been able to shoo-sh them away before any nests have gotten too big.
I hope everyone reading this had a very blessed Christmas.
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gaylon
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Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 06:54 am |
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| Definitely know where you're coming from. The habit is so strong that I often don't notice I've been staring for a while. My wife tries to be understanding, but it's hard for her to really understand the draw and the habit. Thankfully, after some months of being porn-free, the grip weakens, but it continues to be a daily battle... I appreciate the reminder of the differentiation between the tempation, and the yielding to it...
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glorynHim
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 1st, 2007 |
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Posted: Mon Jan 1st, 2007 07:15 pm |
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Hello, I am new here. I have a question. My husband needs help and he is trying to do it with out any help from any one. Do you think this forum might help him? He gave his life to the Lord many years ago ut has been struggling with porn for at least 13 years. Please advise
Thanks and God Bless
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wretch_like_me
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Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 04:08 pm |
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glorynHim,
I definitely think that your husband using this forum can help. It is a great place to start. It certainly has helped me. I frequently come here when I am feeling weak to seek encouragement either from directly asking for advise or just by reading other threads & seeing what others go through. I have struggled on and off with pornography for 20+ years & am now seriously facing this problem head on (with God's help, of course).
I am curious as to why he is trying to face this battle without any help from anyone. Is it pride? Feeling ashamed? Embarrassed? If so, he is not alone. I think that most everyone here can relate. I am currently doing this "on my own", but I do not suggest that this should be the only outlet. As I said before, this forum is a great place to start. I am praying that God will put into my path a brother in my area that I can have accountablility with, someone who I can trust to share the problems that I am going through and to pray for me and ask me the "tough questions". While you could probably find someone on this site to do that, I think getting together in person is better as they can read body language, inflections in the voice, etc.
I would suggest that your husband start with these forums, but would also get involved in a men's group in your local church, if he hasn't already. This could be any men's group, not just one dealing with these issues. The point of this group would be to foster relationships with other brothers in Christ and to hopefully provide a place where an accountability setting can occur. Or consult a pastor for other resources. Or even private, confidential professional counseling. I know that he will find that he truly is not alone in this struggle and does not have to go it alone.
I hope that this doesn't sound hypocritical as I am saying he is not to go it alone, but that is what I am currently doing. Although, by coming here and getting things out in the open, we really aren't going it alone anymore, are we? With that said, he needs to formulate a plan as I have, and then take that first step. Then continue one step at a time.
I hope this helps. I am willing to answer any questions that you might have.
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glorynHim
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Posted: Wed Jan 3rd, 2007 02:02 am |
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You said it PRIDE.... He wont listen to any of my suggestions. Im not forcing him. Its his choice. He has to do it for him and not just Me. He started working with a pastor 2yrs ago that was holding him accountable and I agreed that was good. My husband quit and stopped going to church too only after 2 months. He started an online course, he quit that.... only did 2 or 3 courses. I bought him books and he never finished them. He dont want to do the work.
So how do I know he is serious??? He says one thing and does another. I guess he hasnt hit bottom yet. Is there a bottom???? He says I am the one not moving forward with the marriage. Explain that one to me.
I will send him this link to the site. Hopefully something will spark a flame in him.
Thanks
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wretch_like_me
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Posted: Wed Jan 3rd, 2007 04:47 am |
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glorynHim wrote: You said it PRIDE....
Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
It certainly does sound like pride is getting in the way and you are correct - He has to do it himself; that is; want to change. I can relate to the pride issue - thoughts like "it's not that big a deal" or "I can take care of this on my own". So many times I have said that this is the last time, only to fall into a pit of temptation. Our culture unfortunately has produced this false sense of masculinity. Being a "self-made man", or "going it alone," or "pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps" along with the illusion of viewing pornography as being "victimless" makes it all too easy for men (and women, I'm assuming) to brush this problem under the rug. Well, there are so many analogies to show that going it alone is bunk. A quarterback is only as good as his offensive line. A pitcher is only as good as the fielders backing him up. A sergeant is only as good as the privates willing to follow his lead. Real men admit they need help. Real men are a part of a cohesive team. NO man is an island! We need others around us to pick us up when we fall, to hold us accountable. As Proverbs 27:17 says, as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
I will pray for your husband; pray that the Holy Spirit will light a match in his heart. You asked, "How do I know he is serious?" Unfortunately, you probably don't. He may not even know that yet. Is there a bottom? I'm sure there is...and it is probably a different point for everyone. For me, I know that I could have gone much lower, but the path I was on was getting really dark and scary, so I'm turning around and running in the opposite direction. Reading some of your other posts, it sounds like you feel you've hit bottom already. Then bounced up and hit it again. I'll pray for you as well. Fight the good fight. Be encouraged and take comfort in the Lord's awesome love.
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