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muse2747
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| Joined: | Thu Nov 30th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 05:53 am |
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I have been away from my characteristic sexual addictive behaviors since last December, the 26th. I relapsed also into alcohol last year, after stopping that in 1988. It has been since the 26th that I count my new sober time there as well.
My life is one of separation from my family; I feel like a head that has been cut off, and all my body and limbs are way away. Separation and likely oncoming divorce are like a state of eternal death, there is no closure, there are just more stages of the dying. Perhaps the divorce will become final. But then there will be a time later on when she remarries, and after that, they may all move far away.
I deserve what I get in this. I exchanged the truth for a lie, and loved the lie. I live a coward's life, dying a thousand times.
But I still hope to have removed a desperate desire to reach out in this darkness, for some medicating comfort of acting out. I pray to not only avoid the snares of relapse, or sinful relations, but to have even these intentions, these tendencies removed from me, so that I may know true purity.
My grandfather taught me the way of weekend drunkenness and pornography when I was very young. When he died of cirrhosis and liver jaundice, I took his way, of death. It was put in me to pray one night, after a combination of disulfiram and Elavil led me into delirium, and after my friend from my youth, who had become a Christian, happened by at my door.
Later on, choking, suffocating in delirium, I confessed to God I believed. And I was given peace.
I left alcohol. But I never left my sexual sin. I pray to be faithful, and to be free, to share the great grace God has shown in such people as me. Thank you for this forum.
May God bless you all.
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gaylon
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 12:55 am |
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One of our church leaders, in a sermon, read a letter from an ex-NFL football player, who said he'd been addicted to heroin, and to pornography, and that pornography was the harder addiction to beat. It's not an excuse to remain in the sin, but does emphasize the difficulty of the battle. God bless you in your fight...
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a4givn1
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| Joined: | Wed Jun 28th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Dec 26th, 2006 05:55 pm |
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I struggle with you.. part of this addiction makes me insane but when I am sane
I think of ways to aquire freedom. as long as there are those times and those prayers for freedom there is real hope.
I pray with you that there would be continuing steps for emotional and sexual freedom...
Jesus Died for us because we are all dead ...
We need his love because we are weak.
If you where to die a certain death by doing this you would stop.
It is this slow deceptivness that keeps drawing us in.
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