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mj9
Member
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Posted: Thu Aug 31st, 2006 07:25 pm |
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OK, Just wondering if you all would mind sharing what seems to work for you when you find your mind/desires wandering?
i.e. What practical, actual methods do you use to get your minds back on the right track when you are either headed toward or are experiencing lustful thoughts? Thanks in advance for your honesty. ~m
Last edited on Thu Aug 31st, 2006 07:27 pm by mj9
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Steve
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| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
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Posted: Thu Aug 31st, 2006 07:41 pm |
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mj9, this is a very good question.
Firstly, what I frequently do is remind myself of this: I have no permission to lust or fantasize about this person. This person is not my wife and I am stealing from her, her husband and myself! "Every Man's Battle" has an entire chapter about renewing one's mind with memory verses - that for me is sort of etched in my mind.
Also, for me, fantasizing is a major red light that something is going wrong in my mind and heart. When I'm tempted, it's a sure sign that I need to take a look "under the hood" to assess if I'm hurting, sad, lonely, angry, disconnected from God or facing something that I don't want to deal with.
Confessing to other brothers in recovery is helpful too.
My other input is the idea of working towards "being distracted" isn't a term or mindset that I think is the best. I wise man in recovery once said, "It's not what you're recovering from, it's what you're recovering to." Here's an example: I wouldn't want to "distract myself" from the temptation to binge on Twinkies and Ding Dongs, but would be wiser to pursue a love and passion for eating vegetables and healthy food. (Don't think of a red flag! Don't think of a red flag! Okay, what are you thinking of right now?  ) In my recovery, what I've found is as I pursue the freedom and joy God has already granted me (especially in the context of life-giving relationships with others), temptations dissipate to the point where I don't even think about going back to pig pen. Did I explain myself well enough?
So what do you think? What has worked for you?
-Steve 
Last edited on Thu Aug 31st, 2006 07:46 pm by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Thu Aug 31st, 2006 08:05 pm |
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Well, I am so new to this, but so far, what I've found helpful:
-Praying for that individual and his family.
-Refocusing on where I am, and who I'm actually with (especially if it takes place at a time I am "with" my husband)
-Looking for what the precursers are (what led to that thought). i.e. my husband didn't notice I looked nice, which hurt my feelings, so I'm going somewhere in my mind to get the affirmation... I had never been so attuned that these "triggers" even existed within me. So it's kind of neat to be able to ID them.
-Following that up with positive thoughts about the situation, people involved, and the Lord. i.e. "Well, just because he didn't notice this time dn mean he doesn't love me..." So far I'm not very good at this one when I've been hurt.
-Thinking wonderful thoughts about my husband.
-Praising and thanking the Lord for any number of things.
-Snapping my wrist band. I hate doing it, but it has proven to be helpful in the long run.
Anyhow, I'm open and hoping for more suggestions. Thanks Steve!! ~m
Last edited on Thu Aug 31st, 2006 08:05 pm by mj9
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Steve
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Posted: Thu Aug 31st, 2006 08:32 pm |
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mj9, I'm impressed with that list.
I used to wear a rubber band and that seemed to help. Recognizing the people I was objectifying as real hurting people and praying for them has been helpful as well.
And hey, don't forget the "5 C's" that Doug Weiss really promotes in his freedom groups. The 5 C's that recoverities are wise to do EVERYDAY:
1) Make a phone call with someone in your group.
2) Read recovery literature.
3) Attend your group.
4) Pray in the morning that God would keep you clean.
5) Pray and thank God at night for keeping you clean.
I always added a 6th "C" - and that's reading a portion of the Bible.
You know, I should really get back on this habit. I used to have a checklist with six boxes that needed to be filled before the day is up.
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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Filius_Dei
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 5th, 2006 01:47 pm |
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One thing I've found helpful for a long, heavy bombardment of temptation is to get out my prayer list and start praying for all the guys I know who are in my group. It's really hard to be praying for someone else to stay clean and then to indulge in lust yourself. And it helps my prayer to stay focused, because my mind sometimes tends to wander when I try to pray...especially when I am being heavily tempted. So praying over a specific list of specific men I know with specific needs/temptations/requests is helpful in keeping my prayer focused.
Are you in any women's group? If you are, then you can make up a list of all the women you know and start praying for them. If not, then you could use the prayer list here at http://www.blazinggrace.org/prayer.htm.
I hope that's helpful to you.
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