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> Accountability > Accountability > need strength

need strength
 Moderated by: Steve, bil4913, Barb, truthseeker  
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spe102580
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Joined: Mon Jan 1st, 2007
Location:  
Posts: 42
Status:  Offline
Mana: 
 Posted: Fri Jul 4th, 2008 03:37 pm
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I need strength.  This is supposed to be my 92 day mark being free from porn and mb, however it is only a 10 day sobriety because I was stupid enough to have the one slip (a binge), but yet a slip on 6/24.  That one fall still pisses be off, but I rid myself of that computer and returned it, since it was a lonaer.  I have Covenant Eyes on my comp, which serves as a deterrent, but that computer didnt, and I should have known that it would come back to bite me.  I had it for about 2 and a half weeks before the transgression, but I was flirting with a girl that really made me want to mb, and it led eventually to a trigger that gave the opportunity to look at it.   I felt like crap when I did that, though I havent looked at porn or mb'd since then.  But still now I have to continue to regain what I"ve lost with that one screw up.  And I have to continue to not let myself look inappropriately at other women, or to let those fantasies sink in, because even though I"m not looking at the porn online, I am entertaining the fantasies of the stuff I used to look at in my head.

truthseeker
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Joined: Tue May 16th, 2006
Location: New Jersey USA
Posts: 790
Status:  Offline
Mana: 
 Posted: Fri Jul 4th, 2008 07:34 pm
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Hi spe102580,

Praying for you...  Ps. 51 may be good reading right now.  Cling to Jesus and let Him lift you up and brush you off.  Learn from this, and move on, not dwelling in Satan's condemnation.

TruthSeeker

sam
Member


Joined: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 236
Status:  Offline
Mana: 
 Posted: Sat Jul 5th, 2008 04:04 am
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hi spe,

try not to focus on the negative. yeah, you messed up, but look how long you had experienced freedom. 82 days is great! just keep on going, you can do it.

i am praying for ya!
sam


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