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drsloe
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| Joined: | Sat Apr 12th, 2008 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 22nd, 2008 01:30 am |
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I've struggled on and off with pornography and consistently with masturbation for a number of years. I don't recall any time during that period where I wasn't actively trying to kick both for good. Consistent failure has taught me that I can't do it on my own. I've joined a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous group, and would like someone to sponsor me (in other words, serve as a personal accountability partner).
It would be a lot easier to find a random person online, who doesn't know me, than to ask a friend in real life. Someone who's a Christian, compassionate and understanding but firm and challenging, preferably who either hasn't struggled with, or has overcome the same issue.
I don't believe that the easy way out is always wrong, or that the hard way is always right. I'm at a place in my life where I don't have many close friends of the same sex to begin with. The thought of baring something so deeply personal to them, thus burdening them and putting them in a position of resposibility isn't one I relish.
Nevertheless, I'm open to advice from those who will give it.
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TimM
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| Joined: | Thu Jul 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
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Posted: Tue Apr 22nd, 2008 03:17 am |
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What prevents you from doing the natural thing and asking someone in your SLAA meeting to sponsor you? This addiction especially is one of isolation, and I think there is a great deal to be said for moving against isolation by trying to form real relationships in real life. People do sometime work with remote sponsors, but in my opinion this is something to avoid if there are any alternatives.
I'm also a little puzzled about a couple of your comments:
- Sponsors are normally members of the same fellowship, though I have heard of people using their AA sponsors as sponsors in S fellowships as well. I've never heard of your idea of using some non-addict as a sponsor. Isn't the whole point to find someone who has himself worked the steps?
- People sponsor others not just to be nice folks, but because the 12th step tells us to stay sober by carrying the message to others. It's not a burden. It's a way to stay sober.
Just trying to understand the message here.
Welcome, incidentally! You're taking a huge and important step!
Tim M.
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drsloe
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Posted: Tue Apr 22nd, 2008 05:25 am |
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Thank you for your input. I'll be sure to ask around at the next meeting. It would make a lot of sense to work with someone who's been through it and overcome.
As far as friendships in real life go, I'm in the awkward position of a pending move. Once the move has happened, I feel like I'll be in a better position to seek out new friendships, which as you said ward off isolation even if they can't provide the same kind of support as a sponsor. In the mean time, perhaps I'll make existing friendships more of a priority, to the extent my and their busy schedules allow.
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onewife
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| Joined: | Tue Jan 8th, 2008 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 22nd, 2008 05:02 pm |
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| If you are wanting an online sponsor FOR the ability to be anonymous thats probaby a sign that you aren't really ready to be gut honest with a sponsor, they need to look you in the eye and get to know you ..but online accountabilty partners and friends are good! The 12 step program I use recommends at least 3 accountabilty partners (1 primary) and your sponsor (who must have completed a 12 step) But they allow for temporary sponsors in transitional times , like about to move or student home for summer (our group leaders will act as temporary sponsors ) We also are not bound by the first choice-if you don't click with the first sponsor(or they flake! They are human) its ok to try again (with-in reason,the leaders monitor this) Good Luck
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