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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Mon Mar 24th, 2008 07:46 pm |
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I have had an awakening of sorts I would like to share. I would first like to share a view from the bottom.
I understand and shall be judged.
I am an adulterer, a sinner. I have lusted in my heart and have had several physical relationships out of wedlock with both men and women. All safely.
I have used porn for the purposes of using porn.
I am ashamed, frustrated, and hopeful.
I have not lusted since finding this site last week.
I know my sin and what I need to do. I will try and help others with their fight.
Opening my eyes to the emptiness I have created has set me on a mission.
A mission to be accountable to my physical as well as my mental state of mind at all times.
I will become a warrior and a leader of my own life through prayer and meditiation. Thus far I have been given great focus and control.
I need to appoligies and ask for forgiveness. I must try and fight to forgive myself. My self esteem is very low and the feeling of "never being good enough" has carried over to all things in my life.
I will stop the self sabbatoge that hinders my spiritual growth.
Being a sexual addict is something that needs to be watched very carefully. The "addict" part in the stimulent. Like alcohol or drugs it needs to be watched and controled. I must identify my triggers and block anything that would cause me to slip.
My sin is unacceptable in my life.
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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Tue Mar 25th, 2008 01:20 pm |
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I resolve to not have a wandering mind today. If I get bored I will find something to do. I will review the importance of my oath to the ones I love.
I will take the heavy weight of my actions and unburden them in this place hopeing and praying.
I pray for strength for all involved on this web site. Today is a good day.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 11:39 pm |
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Chemical Turk. Are you overcoming this with any hope that the Christian God will provide you with the strength to do this?
What is your belief, exactly, if you don't mind my asking?
Last edited on Wed Mar 26th, 2008 11:47 pm by guitarist63
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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 01:27 pm |
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guitarist63 wrote: Chemical Turk. Are you overcoming this with any hope that the Christian God will provide you with the strength to do this?
What is your belief, exactly, if you don't mind my asking?
Yes, that is my belief and faith.
I believe everyone has the strength in them to overcome their weakness. It is the lords path that opens our eyes to this power. I find it incredible that the thing we all fear the most is the power we all have within. When we take the lord into our hearts to many people hind that fact or don't allow that fact to shine and extend out to every aspect of their lives.
It might sound cliche but when I took the lord into my heart it illuminated everything I did and allowed the light see all the good I have done and also it exposed my weaknesses and sins that must be addressed and repented on.
I have a long road to travel regarding foregiveness and I travel the long road happily. I have all that I need even if all material things are taken away.
That is why I have shared my darkest and most troublesome sins on this board. Like a dirty growth of mold the sins are exposed to the light and begin to weaken and die. It shrivels and becomes but a mark on my soul. Like a scar I realize my judgement will be on the scars I have on the soul. I accept that I chose those scars and ask for forgiveness that I made the wrong choices in my life at times. I will work every day to overcome those bad choices thorugh prayer and following the word.
Like all that read and post here I am not above nor below anyone. I struggle with this thing called life and face challenges that must be overcome in this life. I believe I am on my way to overcoming this challenge.
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hans45
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| Location: | Dallas, Texas USA |
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 03:52 pm |
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Chemical Turk,
What you have done is a big step towards recovery. God, and God alone, is our only hope of overcoming our fleshly desires. Daily prayer and studying His word works miracles. He is a God of love and mercy and is very anxious to forgive us our transgressions. I will be in prayer for you today.
Dennis
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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 05:25 pm |
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Thank you. That means so much.
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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Fri Mar 28th, 2008 01:39 pm |
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Going into the weekend I will pray for strength and guidence for us all.
I have a plan and a new focus.
Have a wonderful weekend.
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Chemcial_turk
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Posted: Mon Mar 31st, 2008 12:56 pm |
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I had a tough weekend regarding toher things in my life beside my SA. I had to suppost my sister that is in martial strife. Thus no real time to think about myself.
Hope everyones was at least better then before. Try and stay strong this week. make this week and new begining of your life.
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