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Precious Woman
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| Joined: | Sun Oct 21st, 2007 |
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Posted: Wed Oct 24th, 2007 06:01 pm |
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Hello,
I am a recovering sex and love addict. I am working a program with a sponsor.
My addiction is mainly operating as addiction to my abusive partner right now. He has Borderline and is doing therapy. I keep hoping something will change, he will get better but I have been told that is insanity and I know it.
I love him and that is my sickness. He's not all bad. I am sick too when I act out the intensity instead of feeling my feelings about me in life, all my disappointments failures and rage for past events. I would rather make myself bad wrong and worthless than lose hope, come out of denial and leave him.
I have been here before. I have loved a pornography, drug addict and a sexual withholder/controller, I have loved another chronic drug addict and my child's father is an extremely clever control freak. I kill myself and my soul staying with these men but how to break the cycle? I am powerless. Help.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Wed Oct 24th, 2007 06:37 pm |
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Hi Precious Woman,
Welcome. It sounds like you are taking good steps. I'm not sure how your addiction differs from co-dependence, but exploring that topic may provide additional perspective. You didn't comment on your childhood experiences, but many of the patterns we find ourselves in in adulthood are rooted there. A while back I assembled a list of books which may be helpful for recovering from emotional/physical wounds. Perhaps you may find something helpful.
http://www.blazinggrace.org/forums/forum6/1110.html
I know that it is very hard to believe, but it is possible to be whole and content without a man in your life. In fact, should the current abuse not cease and you must leave, I urge you to work through counselling or any other means to reach a point of peace in singleness. Only after that point, having gained an understanding of healthy relationships and warning signs to steer clear of, might it be possible to consider dating. Please consider the impact that your choices have on your child, and what he or she is learning about how women should be treated from what is being observed.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Precious Woman
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 05:29 pm |
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Hi Truthseeker, from another.
Yes it may be codependence but entwined and entangled with it is my sex addiction which I haven't outlined here I suppose because this issue is what dominates me today. Ultimately it is a form of love addiction/co addiction, intense crazy making sickening soul destroying destructiveness and I wish I could just walk away from him and it and my life would be amazing. However any walking I do will just be right into the arms of the next sucker as I am so desperately needy for love adoration and a belief in someone other than myself to feel ok. And yes I have been doing therapy for about 6 years now, lots of it and I am upping it as I realise where the neediness comes from. I went through years of confronting my father about his physical sexual and emotional abuse of me and I was abandoned by him and my family for several years actually they are serious Christians who believe that one should honour one's father and mother, to which I agree but I won't honour their sickness.
Anyway I will do my writing for my sponsor now,
Blessings to you,
Precious Amazing Beautiful Healing Vulnerable Strong Fragile Tired Angry Determined Loving Brave, very Brave Woman of God
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