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spe102580
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 1st, 2007 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 05:28 am |
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| I jsut masturbated again after 5 days completely sober. I was on youtube during a break at work and stumbled upon a weird looking video. When I realized it was somthing inappropriate not even 2 seconds in, I was like crap, I shouldnt watch this and shut it off. But curiosity kept me wondering what would have happen if I kept on watching. Well I wrestled with the thought for 14 hours saying no I"m not gonna do this, then gave in tonight. I think the curiosity plus the depression of stuff in my life not happening the way I want it too triggered it. I hate my job, I"m bored out of my life there. I sit at a desk as an administrative assistant for 9 hours a day and don't have a lot to do. And if I start doing a lot people get all up in arms because I can get people in trouble. And I just feel out of it. I"m trying to be good enough to get a wife and its just not happening.
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TimM
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| Joined: | Thu Jul 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 01:55 pm |
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Thanks for coming and sharing. That's important.
Are there things you learn from this experience that can help you next time? Things I might be exploring based on the quick summary include:
- Maybe I should stop watching You-Tube. (Certainly there are lots of entertainment things that are harmless to other people but that I have to avoid because I know they might trigger me. For me, You-Tube is one of those things.)
- Maybe it's time to look seriously for a new job.
- Maybe I need more help managing my depression.
- Did I make the most effective use of the 14 hours struggling? (This one interests me a lot. For me, it would have been very important in those 14 hours when I was struggling to get to a meeting, on-line or face-to-face, and to share my struggles. It would be important to get on the phone to fellow addicts and not to isolate. It would be important to pray as seriously as I can and to turn the desires over to Christ. 14 hours is a long time, in which I would really need to be reaching out to other people in a very serious way if I were to stay sober.)
There may be other things to reflect on than just these 4 that jump out at me. A slip, though, is always a time to try both to understand the deeper feelings that drive the addiction, and to try to see how my program of recovery can be improved so I don't do the same thing again.
I hope you can make good use of the learning opportunity. Thanks again for coming and sharing what you know now!
Tim M.
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Serving4Him
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| Joined: | Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 08:17 pm |
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I agree that the important thing is you admit you broke down. But Failure is not final. God is still in control and has something beter for you.
I have a rough marriage situation where my wife is not interested in anything sexual. After 23 years of marriage it can be rough. It is worse when there is temptation all around. Currently it has been a month of abstinance. I have stopped "browsing" TV since there are so many images that tempt. I try to stay away from youtube & google video which always have something to tease, tempt and carry me down a path I don't want to. I am trying to read the bible more and listen to only good music and talks. I will walk away when I feel like I've been sitting too long and get tempted. I try to take the dog for a walk to get my body doing other things.
You may want to look for a new job. The best time to look is when you have one and are bored.
I'm praying for you. One day at a time. Put God first and do what ever you can to honor and glorify him and Him alone. Don't let Satan get a foothold when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT).
God Bless,
In His Service,
Rick
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Man
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Posted: Sun Aug 5th, 2007 09:04 pm |
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I am at the moment quite tempted. Maybe this is not the right place to say, but..
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May the Lord bless you all!
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clean2day
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Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2007 05:31 am |
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I understand where you are coming from. I am a lot of time "board" at work and as I work in a 12 step invirment that says "You put yourself in this hole you are never going to get out" and I believe it is a lie.
Jesus has set us free, and that freedom gives me the choices to do or not to do. Yes, I am tempted, on nights like this with nothing to do, how easy it would be to go and "get into trouble".
One thing I might suggest, that I have/am doing is do something that improves your mind. I do have places on my "favivorites" that take me to places like "Old church fathers". This is places like seminary sites that have what people like Augustine and others have written. I know theology is not a lot of peoples tea, but a lot of what they wrote does have to do with us. "Coonfessions of Augustine" will tell you that he had to deal with lust and other things we call today Addictions. He proves it is nothing but "temptation and sin".
Another place I would recomend is a site that has helped me, my wife and a lot of others. It's a 60 day course, free with a mentor, and I took it at work. If anyone would just glance in on you and not really watch they would think you were working. I do know that if your boss would see you he would probly rather you there than on Yourtube. http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com
Come here post and read threads. This not only "kills time" but helps me and hopefully helps others. Not a waiste of time.
Another thing you might do is to take a course on the computer while working. This might open doors either to another job or an advancment where you are.
It's Jesus!
C2d
Last edited on Fri Sep 7th, 2007 05:34 am by clean2day
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"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
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