| Author | Post |
|---|
APR
Member
|
Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 08:07 am |
|
Hey there,
Been awhile since I've been on here. Of course I fell and left a big smoking hole where I crashed. I'm not going to go into the gory details tonight about what happened because I still have not figured it out all myself other than having lots of pressure (Not related to porn) but needing that escape valve and knowing what I needed to do and just waking up one day and saying, no I'm not going to do that and I went back to my old ways.
Of course I kept myself way away from those who know about my addiction and pretended like nothing was wrong but inside I couldn't get away from the fact that I was off the rails again. This year was really the first time I tried to get free so the whole crashing and coming back is new for me.
I hate that it happened but at the same time I am already seeing some things I didn't before. I can't go back in time to correct it so I will just have to deal with it and look at what failed in my mind and heart and learn from it.
A Big thank you for those of you who prayed and PMed me while I was away it means a lot looking at them tonight.
Thanks again and God Bless
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
|
TimM
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 256 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 02:23 pm |
|
Welcome back, Art. Glad you're able to be here and to share.
Slips and relapses are nightmares, but they can also be huge opportunities to learn about ourselves and about our recovery.
What I think I need to do myself after a slip is really sort of 2-fold:
(1) I have to explore all the feelings around the slip. What am I feeling now? How do I focus on doing the right thing now instead of letting toxic shame set me up for another fall? What was I feeling when I can first see the possibility of the slip appearing, and what was I feeling before then? That's when the slip was being born, after all. Where are the stresses or fears or resentments or shame that are really what the slip is about, and how can I in the future better handle those feelings?
(2) I have to look at my current program for recovery, and see where I'm not working it right. What didn't I do, what am I maybe fearing and avoiding doing, that might have saved me? Do I need to use the phone more? Pick up step work I have put down? Go to more meetings? Step up my counseling schedule, or the seriousness with which I take counseling? Be honest to more people, or about more things? Look calmly and honestly at more of my own feelings and behavior? Pray and listen better for outside direction? Reflect better on what I have gained, showing gratitude and affirming my own value, which I always deny? Read more about addiction and recovery? Something else? Where is there some tool I have not yet picked up or not yet used right that might help me next time?
Those are ways I try to learn and grow out of the nightmare of acting out. I'm not sure what there may be there as a source of reflection for you right now, but I offer it for what it's worth.
Tim M.
Last edited on Mon Jul 30th, 2007 02:24 pm by TimM
|
APR
Member
|
Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 04:08 pm |
|
Thanks Tim,
I still am letting the pieces fall into place right now while I am praying and thinking about it. I don't want overlook something by talking instead of listening.
Blessings
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1011 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 01:57 am |
|
Very Glad you're back, Art. Upholding you in your battle. Stephen
|
Current time is 02:09 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS