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Quentin
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 01:45 pm |
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Well yesterday I came to terms with the loniness that i've always felt. I prayed about it and God showed me parts of my past that showed evidence, and even gave reasons for it.
I looked at all my siblings and they each show their own signs of it, but I think it does hit me heavier...always has, but i've been in denial about it until now.
Today I'm leaving for a place in the mountains. I'm going to go camping alone. I'm bringing things to read, and what not. I want to get alone with God and pray.....without being able to access anything else that would only pacify the love of God that I need.
I'm not sure how long i'll be gone, just please pray for me. I will be praying for you all while I'm gone. I know ive read that isolation is a bad decision, but at the same time....i've seen many people drop bad habits, by abandoning them. I guess i'll see how it goes!
- David
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holdsworth
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 02:05 pm |
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| Thank you guys for being open again. Cheers 'captivated' for prayers. Been really struggling with Church and got disilusioned with it and have been really tempted to go it alone, and that has not helped things!. I have been out with friends today but on coming back home was really tempted and went to a website but then came here to be accountable. Now i'm logging off! will come back in a few days to say how I have been doing. been tempted with lustful thoughts all day. I literally started shaking when the lustful thoughts came into my head. One trigger when I was out today, was passing a womans lingerie shop! how rubbish is that?
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RTK
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 02:40 pm |
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passing a womans lingerie shop! how rubbish is that?
For some guys - no problems to go in and shop. For other guys, lots of problems.
I've been reading through the forums. It's not just lingerie shops for many. There are guys writing about how they can't go the beach or pools anymore...or even the video store without having a trigger tripped. Why does the sexual stimulation trip triggers? Such pleasures feel so good. They seem to cause the pain of isolation, aloness, rejection (all that negative stuff) to disipate or go away. It eases the stress and tensions of life. C'mon, just a quick peek, that's all....I swear I'll only go this far... I'm done...no I'm not.... Yes, I am...
The evil one is a LIAR. He wants our heart and soul. He also hates it knowing that you want to walk away from the pleasures that he can give you.
Accountabilty? God, do you know how much my flesh screams for pleasure? Satify me it screams! Even though today, I would love to satisfy my selfish pleasures and delight my eyes with stuff, Your Word says in Romans 12:1, "Therefore, I urge you brothers in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices..." .."being transformed by the renewing of your mind". This day, Lord, transform my mind. Help me to be a living sacrifice for you. Lord, help me to put off the carnal nature and put on your nature. Help my brothers and sisters that find themselves tied into this sexual addiction to find your freedom. The freedom in Christ to walk away from temptation ansd sin this day.
RTK
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mike
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 03:20 pm |
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>I would love to hear what worship music your listening to at the moment,
Keith Green
I like his all out challenge for devotion to Christ and holiness.
Rich Mullins
Legacy, Liturgy and Ragamuffin Band is a great CD.
Fernando Ortega
Peaceful music that's great for meditating on God and His love.
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matt
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 04:06 pm |
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Daily check-in
So far so good, I've felt very spiritual today and am working on day 12 of sobriety.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
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captivated
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Posted: Sat Dec 3rd, 2005 04:48 pm |
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Good day everyone. I'm actually "fasting" from the computer today except for this reply but wanted to check to see who needed prayer. About the getting alone with God.....pressing in to do so, David....I think this is a very different thing than isolation, especially being in the great out doors with His creation, your Bible, etc.......pressing in to see His face....being still and knowing that He is God! Glad to hear you're doing this...yes, you're covered in prayer....all of you. Hey, my husband and I have been Keith Green fans for some time as well, Mike! Really like Rich Mullens, as well! Have to check out the rest. Thanks!
Okay, this is the most gut-honest I've been here about my own situation. Since my husband's desire and my desire has been reversed from what most couples are in marriage.......yet he's viewed porn some, though I did not know until recently.....and he's fantasized.....I still don't know all of the details....he did have porn in his home growing up though. Anyway, it's because of some of this that masturbation used to be more of an issue for me than in the past few years....since he didn't want to be with me....still doesn't very much......though now I know he was with others in his mind. He's still blaming his lying on me to some degree as well.....things have been really stressful and difficult relationally here. We could really use the prayer as well. Anyway, it's because of my own history with this sort of thing that I think I have compassion on some of the struggles you all share.....and it's because I have found my greatest joys of this lifetime in the arms of the Savior....and great freedom....and seen the power prayer at work, that I am inspired to lift you all up in prayer and do so.
Have had my own time of pressing in this week and of all topics, God has given me much concerning submission. Not a foreign topic...and tough when my husband's been so critical of me yet withholds physical, sexual and verbal affections to some extent, but I will try to remain open to hear His voice here and to seek to honor Him in this area since it's been clear He has something for me to apply here.....maybe at least removing any contribution I may have added to my husband's woundedness. Sorry, maybe this is a topic for the women's only section..... Praying you men will all be vessels of His love to your wives, for those of you who are married.
captivated
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Is268
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Posted: Sun Dec 4th, 2005 06:31 am |
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Thank you all so much for your support! I have been clean since that last post - I am still struggling with frequent temptations. It is hard when you go out with your mates who don't have the same standards and they get talking about their sexual experiences etc.. I tried using a filter at one stage but it blocked everything practically, I couldn't read the news properly because it would block a page when it talked about a pop singer or something like that.
Thanks all,
Is268
Last edited on Sun Nov 5th, 2006 09:19 am by Is268
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mike
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Posted: Sun Dec 4th, 2005 01:12 pm |
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>Been really struggling with Church and got disilusioned with it and have been really tempted to go it alone
What has caused you to be disullusioned with church ?
Everyone's honesty here is a blessing. This is what the church should be. 
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captivated
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Posted: Sun Dec 4th, 2005 03:28 pm |
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Thanks for the reassurance about the honesty, Mike. I almost wanted to delete my last post, not sure what to share or not share......or even what I wanted to share.  It does feel good to be real though.
captivated
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holdsworth
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Posted: Sun Dec 4th, 2005 03:41 pm |
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| yes, you are right. this sort of honesty is what church should be like...but in has not been my experience of church at all. All I seem to experience in church is a sort of ignorant bliss to the struggles in this life where God can just wave a magic wand and make everything better again. This year I also met a Christian girl who basically messed with my head! ( I really liked her and even started to open up). I have tried to talk about stuff I struggle with at church but always come away felling like crap because people always seem to be so obsessed with being spiritual or saving and adding to build the numbers of the church up(not bad things, but it always seems so unbalanced). I am sure I have struggled with my lust even more because the very place where people are supposed to be open, no one seems to talk about it!. Soft porn wormed its way into my life, and it became my security (especially as a teenager)..I am ashamed to admit this..but it is true. Even the last week I have battled against the temptations. i am not laying blame..just dissapointed and reluctant to make myself vunerable and build relationships again. I am reading "breaking free' which is an amazing book, and have loads of MP3 sermons that really help....its the deep and trusting,relational side of things that aint that great. This is a good place, though.
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captivated
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Posted: Sun Dec 4th, 2005 04:02 pm |
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Yes, this is a good place! Sometimes it reminds me of the early church in the Bible, living life together, even though it's in cyberspace......yet somehow, we are in one another's lives to be real...to pray....to want God's best for one another as brothers and sisters in Christ....to be pure and healed and experiencing the fullness of His love for us! This is possible in church.....and I do know of churches where "living life together" in small groups is more the norm than the exception, but it does not exist everywhere, as many of us have found out. Holdsworth, I will pray you'll find people you be able to find genuine relationships with in your life......a small group of some sort.....or a guy friend you can open up with.....something of blessing in this way. Until then, we're glad you continue to share and be real here.....and we look forward to you sharing all that God is and will do in your life as you continue on this journey!
Blessings to you in Jesus and prayers your way!
captivated
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holdsworth
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 12:13 pm |
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| not been doin' well. since last post. Temptations coming thick and fast,(even when trying to work)and getting frustated with it all rather than trusting Jesus. Have been really tempted to dwell on images and a trigger this morning was a mail order catalogue with an attractive lingerie model and reminder of old images and girlfriend etc oops!.......have so far resisted 'dealing with myself' so to speak. I have read in 'breaking free' that the thing that gets me going is where I go for security. I need to resist these lustful thoughts and not seek out attractive images as they are the wrong way of dealing with lack of security. I wasn't gonna come online but wanted to share here.keep being open and honest.
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captivated
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 12:29 pm |
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Yes, glad you were! Shining light on the lies of the enemy that anything will bring security or fulfillment more than God Himself will, helps to expose these lies and make them less effective at bringing us down. It is most often a process and you are doing well at staying connected and continuing on this path. Keep fighting! Prayed for you!
captivated
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matt
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 01:46 pm |
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| One thing I might offer, is that maybe you try focusing on positive behavior, rather than trying to resist the negative. I know for me, the more I focus on the negative behavior, whether I'm trying to resist or not, the more difficult it is to get it out of my head. However, if I take a few minutes and do something that's exciting and healthy simultaneously, that seems to help.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
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matt
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 01:48 pm |
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Daily
I had a wonderful weekend. Worship yesterday was the best I can remember in a long time. I feel very focused on sobriety as I'm working on day 14. I love the place that I'm in right now, but must remain cautious not to get overly confident. Going to a group tonight and while that definitely helps, there is often some anxious feelings surrounding all of the emotions that come with that. Monday's are sometimes difficult for me, so I have to remain focused and practice healthy.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
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Carli
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 05:56 pm |
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Thanks, that's awesome!
I'm struggling at the moment with a certain guy...please pray that God will really be in the situation and give us both wisdom. thanks as always!
Praying for all your daily struggles.
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captivated
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Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2005 06:41 pm |
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Prayed, Carli!
captivated
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holdsworth
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Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2005 10:31 am |
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| i'm going to swallow all my pride here, and admit I have stuffed up today.....no excuses. also, had really bad dream last night....feels like maybe something spiritual going on, and it isn't very nice.
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NeedingGrace
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Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2005 11:20 am |
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Someone mentioned worship music. I cannot recommend Jason Upton highly enough. I have NEVER heard anyone that has such insight into the Father's heart and intimacy with God. He's just incredible.
Holdsworth - I'm praying for you this morning.
Honestly, I'm struggling with a lot of rejection, anger, and hurt feelings right now. Had another incident with my wife last night/this morning. Really struggling with it. But I know that God is good. I'm planning on staying busy today so there's less chance of getting in trouble.
Godspeed All!
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isolated
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Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2005 01:10 pm |
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hey needing grace ,I have been through a lot of rejection ,anger, and hurt in the recent past, but thanks be to God I'm over a lot of it , your not alone in your fight to live a Godly life,remember to cast all your cares on him, because he cares for you, in other words give that stuff to him , and try to move on , and he will see you through hey put on some praise music , and do a dance on the devils head  no but really all that stuff , all those feelings will disaper as you praise the Lord God Bless , and your in my prayers !
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