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metatauta
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Posted: Wed Jun 1st, 2005 08:15 am |
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Personalized hell is the perfect description for it. How horrifically sad and amazing that it can go so far so fast. oh Lord help us.
needless to say I haven't been doing well. I need to get into the Word more, I know my biggest issue is I looking for love everywhere but where it really is, and reading my Bible will most definetly help me remember. I still cant believe I ever allowed it to go this far and it makes me sick to know that I have. But now all I can do is turn around and start climbing out of this ravene with God as my rope and His word as my harness.
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PaulM
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| Joined: | Tue May 31st, 2005 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 10th, 2005 10:02 pm |
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Well, I changed my situation a bit. I'm not working, but I will be going to school, so I won't be bored out of my skull with yet another excuse.
still hoping to improve.
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mike
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Posted: Sat Jun 11th, 2005 02:21 pm |
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| Good to hear from you PaulM... do you have a major in mind ?
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Filius_Dei
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Posted: Mon Jun 13th, 2005 01:32 am |
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Hello everyone.
I am new to forums in general. This is the first time I have ever posted anything. This site is helpful, but I have a couple of questions about it. What does the logo stand for? And what is mana?
Mike, I noticed that you live in Colorado Springs. I too live in Colorado Springs. Do you know of any local accountability groups? I tried a 12-step program, and I disliked it for several reasons. The main reason I disliked it was that it was set up so that no one could contradict or correct or disagree with what anyone said. You just had to sit in silence and say nothing in response. I am looking for a group which will rebuke me when I fall into sin or erroneous thinking, but which will also do so with love, tenderness, and compassion. I am also looking for a group where everyone has struggles and confesses his sins to the rest, not one where just one person confesses sins to another. So do you know of any local groups in which I can become involved?
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mike
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Posted: Mon Jun 13th, 2005 01:38 pm |
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Hi Filius Dei -
The Strength in Numbers group meets Monday nights here in Colorado Springs at 6:30. If you'll email me I'll give you the location. (I don't publish the location to protect the confidentiality of those who attend.)
We do minister to each other during the meetings. We're not there to put the hammer on each other, but constructive feedback and support from others is an important part of the recovery process. As you mentioned, dispelling erroneous thinking is a part of the struggle, and we need the (grace filled) input of others to deal with it.
A little info on the group is available here:
http://www.blazinggrace.org/strengthinnumbers.htm
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Filius_Dei
Member
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Posted: Mon Jun 13th, 2005 04:41 pm |
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mike wrote: If you'll email me I'll give you the location.
A little info on the group is available here:
http://www.blazinggrace.org/strengthinnumbers.htm
I don't know your e-mail, and for some reason I cannot open the link you posted. Perhaps my internet filter is blocking it; I don't know. What is your e-mail address?
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mike
Administrator
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Posted: Mon Jun 13th, 2005 05:01 pm |
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| email@blazinggrace.org
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GoingToMakeIt
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Posted: Tue Jun 21st, 2005 01:55 am |
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Last edited on Mon Jun 26th, 2006 07:28 pm by GoingToMakeIt
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GoingToMakeIt
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Posted: Mon Jun 27th, 2005 02:11 pm |
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Last edited on Mon Jun 26th, 2006 07:30 pm by GoingToMakeIt
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B
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Posted: Sun Sep 4th, 2005 07:46 pm |
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I just went four days with out acting out, which currently is huge for me. A few days back I thought four days was a pretty reasonable goal, so I asked God to help me reach that goal. It was a hard struggle for me, but i found myself praying a lot more and lusting a lot less. I actually found my self getting angry at the fact that i am addicted to this, and was also angered a few times when i was hit with temptation.
Early this morning, I gave in, and again in the afternoon (Sunday afternoons can be a death trap of temptation for me). Pray that I won't find my self in a masturbation binge which happens often after going awhile with out acting out.
____________________
O Christ, Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world. Have Mercy upon us.
http://housemdiv.blogspot.com/
http://www.extremetheology.com/
http://chaz-lehmann.livejournal.com/
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Demkuz
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 02:39 pm |
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I seem to be out of control. The last few days I masturbated again and again. And what's particular, I am usually punished very soon in one way or another, it never takes long for a punishment to follow. If I have a business appointment, it surely goes wrong (yesterday I lost a contract for a big job by client simply not showing up), and various maladies, like headache, pile up one on top of the other, and if there is anything at all that can possibly go wrong, it does. I know that that's how it works with me, but still not able to prevent myself from doing the sinful thing. How many times in past I had thought I had got rid of the addiction, after living a blameless, free life for a month, two or even two and a half months - and how disappointng it was to eventually find myself to have done it again, and then to wait for the next due punishment! I know that the God shows us our mistakes in order to reform the sinner, and that the misfortunes happenning to me are supposed to point out my wrong-doing, but what can I do if at the moment of temptation I lose self-control, my personality is replaced with some Mr. Hyde of porn-addiction, and I don't regain my own spiritual identity until the wrong thing is done?
I heard once an opinion, that in order to be healed of a chronic sin, one has to wish that healing with all his heart. Well, I do, I do, and it's still not happenning. I'm going to continue praying...
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blonderachie
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 04:57 pm |
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| So I have been clean for 5 days. I am so glad that I found this web site. I have really gotten alot from the radio broadcasts. I really do want to change. I do have a question...Are you supposed to tell your spouse everytime you fall back into your temptation? Rachel
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Soulja
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 08:37 pm |
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Demkuz, I hear your fustration and pain. It is good you feel so guilty later. That tells me you do have the Holy Spirit inside you and He is trying to get you cleaned up. I'm going to let you know what helped me. I was deep into masterbation and porn. I often felt as you do. It was like a switched was flipped and I was not myself. I knew I did not want to do that, but you see, the problem lied in my heart. Although I had given myself to Christ, I continued living in the world. The music I pumped into my ears was poison. Music today warps the mind. It spills poison in us and that soaks into the heart. The same with TV and friends. I look back at how much time I spent soaking in the word of God and soaking up things of God versus the things of the world. Ouch! The dog you feed is the dog that wins. I saw my heart as a piece of meat that showed its flavor in my actions. If I spend more time with people whom are not Godly, and spend my time listening to music that does not have the standard of God, and watching TV that shoot images into my head, yet don't get connected to other Godly men, leaving my Bible unopened for days, and not connected to God, what do I expect. I read books upon books on sexual addiction. The rules and 12 steps were good but only if it comes from within. If I look away, yet truelly desire to look, then its is not from the heart. The key is to fill that emty space in your heart with Jesus. I found Christian music that fit my choice in music and quit watching crap on TV that fed my lust. I threw away anything that would cause me to slip up. I got connected to Christian men whom I could share with. I began working through indepth bible studies to gain the knowledge of God and His Word. (Remember the word is our weapon against the flesh. Jesus showed us this when Satan tried tempting him. No word, no bullets.) I completely changed my surroundings. And when I say get connected to men, I don't mean just to spill our struggles. I see guys get stuck in this rut of getting together just to talk about there struggles. And so it becomes a rut in itself. Go spill my gut and feel better, then go act out. Go back and spill my guts again, and so on. I have a group of men whom I meet with weekly and we dive deep into bible study. When I realized this need, I looked for groups to belong to, to find new friends. I had a hard time finding one that had real men whom I felt wanted what I wanted. So I organied my own group. I invited guys I knew were struggling and had that same desire. We moved past the topic of just Sexual addiction and moved to topics of life as a whole. We go to breakfast together just to hang out and laugh. We go fishing, golfing, play madden tournements, etc. Guys whom are my Real Brothers. Soldiers willing to do what it takes to live the life Christ meant for us to live. I have not masterbated or viewed porn in over 5 years. And let me tell you it feels great. I never thought I'd be able to say this. But it took that step to rid my life of anything that tripped me up and soaking up a relationship with Christ through prayer and MEDITATION of the Word. What I mean by meditation is this. We are studying James now and you know James is not a big book. Yet we have been on James for 3 months, and are barely on Chapter 4. Think of the heart as a piece of steak. Take two pieces of steak and put them in the frig over night. Soak on in vinigar and the other in spices and the best marinade you can find. The next day cook them. WHich one taste good? Of course it won't be the vinegar. But our hearts are like that piece of meat. It's flavor shows in our actions. Your heart and my heart have been soaked in vinegar so long, that now we must keep the vinegar away and subject it to only the best marinade so that vinegar taste will dissappear. And that marinade is Jesus. And that means to rid ourselves of all things that taste of vinegar. I know this is alot to write at first. I don't know your story. I have no idea what your doing to clean this up in your life. But I felt led to sare with you what I have learned that has kept me sober for over 5 years. Hope this helps. Just remember God will not give you more than you can handle. When we fall, it is by choice. No matter what the enemy might have us believe, we have a choice. The key is believing him and making the right choice. Feed the right dog and watch him devour this other dog whom has been dominate for so long. God bless.
____________________
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
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RTK
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 10:41 pm |
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What spouse can handle being told about every temptation one falls into? Having a spouse whom you know is praying for you is one thing, but sharing every temptation is another. Where is Steve's input when we need it ? ( - = This is where that group of men that Soulja talks about comes into the picture.
I've talked with quite a few guys about how open we should be about our struggles with other people. With a small group of guys - say an a.m. Bible study...the advice is to go slow and check out if the guys are mature enough to handle a bombshell, like uh, hey, my name is... and I am a sex addict. You never know if the guy you just confessed to had been on the pc looking at porn the last few hours before coming to the men's prayer breakfast. We need each other in the body of Christ. It is a shame that there is so little emphasis on men's ministry at my congregation. my prayer is that I can find a small group of guys that can be real with each other.
RTK
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blonderachie
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 10:58 pm |
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| It is so hard for me to share my struggle with other women because I feel like they totally don't get it. It is very rare to find any woman, let alone a Christian woman, that can relate at all. I can relate more to guys in this area, but I dont think it would be good for me to share it with another man. I talked with my pastor but he has no idea what to do for me so here I am. I will keep accountable on here at least. I know that it is a tool that the devil uses that makes us feel like we are the only one's with the struggle. I have tried talking to other women in the past. Maybe I need to talk to a therapist. I dont know. Rachel
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RTK
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 11:36 pm |
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Sure, Rachel, you can share you guts with a guy...next thing he will have his hand on your knee showing empathy....then later holding your hand a bit too long in prayer...and...well. you're right. Even a guy therapist can be a chancy thing. I would not trust myself in that situation! There are quite a few good books out there. Several are listed in the forums.
My wife has found an older wiser Christian lady she can be intimate with. We also have a therapist who is very sharp about sexual addictions. The therapist has had me doing a lot of work with Patrick Carnes material. Find an older wiser Christian lady that has some time on her hands. Just ask her if she'd be interested in being a mentor...and then give things a test run for a few months to see if things will work out.
RTK
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Soulja
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 11:57 pm |
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Rachel, RTK is so right. Do not seek counsel from a man. DANGEROUS for you and him. Transparancy in a relationship is a must. But you have to use some wisdom behind it. Yes, if your husband asks you everyday if you have acted out, then your to be honest. But if does not ask, then I encourage you to find another woman to be accountable to. Our if you can't find one, find a good female christian therapist. And when you are transparent with your husband, you don't have to go into every detail. I am also going to pass on something that really helped me. A therapist once asked me why I acted out. I thought my masterbating was a way for me to keep my urges in check so I did not go out and cheat on my wife. Yet I had several affairs with other women during my 1st 7 years of marriage. I was actually feeding my desire versus starving it. Then he asked me something that even today sticks out in my mind. He asked," if you took that same energy you put into acting out and directed it towards your wife, where do you think your marriage would be?" See I used to get mad and blame my wife for her lack of interest and compared our relationship to those I had with other women. But I did not realize how much of it I played a part of. So I started something new. Every time I had the urge to view porn or masterbate, I would harness that energy and do something for my wife. I would do things as simple as taking a bar of soap and writing on the mirror how much I loved her. Then later when the mirror fogged up, she'd find the message. I'd leave love notes under the pillow for her to find later. I'd put a small letter on the steering wheel of her car. I'd clean house, do dishes. I'd write a letter. Whatever came to mind. And talk about a burst of nitrous to our marriage. It was awsome to actually see it work. And masterbation became a thing of the past. Of course there is much more, but it would be one of the larger turning points in my relationship. I'd spend endless hours woowing other ladies and ingored my own wife. Now wonder our relationship was dead. Now we have a great relationship. I have to say I was hesitant to resond to you because you are a female. I strongly believe that men must seek help from men and women from women. My wife is open to being an ear if you'd like to email her. She's an awsome woman. Le me know and I'll get you her email. I hope something you find here helps guide you to the path of freedom. God bless.
____________________
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
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blonderachie
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Posted: Fri Oct 14th, 2005 03:53 am |
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Soulja, Thank you so much for your advise and words of encouragement. I think that is a wonderful idea to focus my energy into something that would bless my husband. Yes, I would like to e-mail your wife if she is up to it. Just let me know how I can go about doing that. Rachel
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Demkuz
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Posted: Fri Oct 14th, 2005 09:27 am |
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| Thank you, Soulja. Your letter was very reassuring and encouraging. And thanks to the organizers of this site and forum. It's great to be heard and to hear other people in the same boat. I'm going to continue praying for myself and for all of you guys. When I read your (Soulja) letter, I imagined how wonderful it must be to be free of the addiction for 5 years. I myself was liberated from the addiction to alcohol and tobacco, already many years ago (about 10). I didn't defeat those addictions with some kind of will-power (it hadn't worked when I had tried), they were just suddenly lifted up from me and I was free from them. Now I hope to be liberated from this last and the most obstinant (seemingly undefeatable) addiction.
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Soulja
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Posted: Fri Oct 14th, 2005 08:19 pm |
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Rachel, I emailed you my wife's email. Let me know if you got it so I can send it again if not. God bless.
Demkuz, thank you for the encouraging words. You will be free no doubt. God does not start something and not finish it. The key is to make it a priority to meditate on him daily and make that our focus, not our addiction and staying clean. If we focus too much on "not acting out" then we keep it on the very front of our minds. It is almost as if we shoot ourselves in the foot. Instead, we flee and just soak in the love of God and we will find ourselves not struggling as often. And to also get to the root of the problem. Like a leaky sink makes a mess on the floor. If we clean up the mess on the floor but do not fix the leaky sink, then we have not fixed the actual problem, but just the symptom. And the only way I found to fix the problem is in constant fellowship with God and in the Word, reveiling to me his love, and showing me true love.
I love word pictures, if you all have not noticed yet. I have one more that popped to mind, then I'll close so I don't sound too preachy. Goes with my above comment. I found myself thinking love was something totally different than what I know now. That empty space in the heart was because I lacked that true Love and knowledge that can be found in Christ. I heard a story on how people are trained to detect conterfit money. There is obviously too many different counterfit bills out there, impossible for them to ever study each one. Instead they just focus all there time and energy on real money. So when they encounter a counterfit, they will know right away because of there knowledge of the real thing. I ran around the first part of my life trying to find "love." What did I know what love was. Was it the love my dad gave my mom when he used to hit her, then say sorry, just to do it again. Was it that sexual encounter that the porn suggest will be fulfilling. Was it money, after all my dad had no time for God because he had to work to buy his toys. Was it love when I sat down with another lady to let her cry on my shoulder about her "miserable husband," and then comfort her while violating my marriage vows. I could go on, and so could many here. What I am getting at is the emptiness in my heart of not having or knowing true love. So my anger issues, my sexual addiction, my alcohol use, my greed for money and power, all symptoms of my not knowing what true love was. So when I began to really meditate on Gods Word, he revealed to me the true meanig of love. He showed me mercy and grace and filled that void I so desperately tried to fill myself. So instead of continually mopping up the floor, I found the sink being fixed. Don't get me wrong, perfect I am not. But the hold of sin on me has been lifted to the point that I am no longer its slave. So if I do sin, I know it is because I chose to do it. I chose to give up my position in Christ and become obediant to sin. Once I really accepted this truth, I found the symptoms being lifted off and it is great. Want to sabatage your diet, keep telling yourself," Don't eat that juicy hamburger" over and over. Your guaranteed to fail. Take your mind off the food and do something constructive and you'll find that hours went by and no craving to eat. Just a thought when it comes to this. I know Mike's stand on this is to fill the void in the heart, which only Jesus can fill. He's right. And his groups are not a 12 step program. I like that because it keeps a person focused on Christ, not a formula written in a program. Sure, they are good to know, but they won't fix it long term. Only Christ taking up total ownership in our heart will do that. Sorry so long. My wife tells me all the time to write a book because I don't know how to just write something short. God bless.
____________________
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
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