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holdsworth
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 11:15 am |
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Hi
Well my struggle has become very clear. I have wanted the lustful things more than I wanted freedom. My persistance in 'going to that place' has shown me that although I have tried in the past and repented may, many times if I am honest my actions have not been sincere.
I have been empty in faith and my 'saying sorry' has been nothing short of acting like a cheating husband who tells his wife the mistress is long gone although he continues to see her.
I honestly have nothing but to get on my knees and ask for help in changing these habits and a change of heart.
I feel I want to offer encouragement here today but I am not in a place to do this sincerely.
Holdsworth
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Guitarist_John
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 11:16 am |
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Ah I didn't see anonms latest post before mine.
I'll pray for your girlfriend.
And I agree with what you said about the "God's Grace" thing. As in, it makes sense to me.
However...
I want you to know in plain and simple terms that the person responding to your question is unclean and human and in no way an authority on theology.
Now I really don't want to get in a nasty argument about this, but the first part of that statement is correct but the latter is a rather cruel assumption.
I am not devoid of knowledge in the Bible or theology, but I'm not adept at it either. It's one of those things that you keep learning about throughout your entire life, and I'm still in the early stages.
Nevetheless, I forgive you. 
Anyway, going back on topic, I was strongly tempted this morning when I awoke, but I pulled out the headphones and listened to some good Christian music, and the desire faded away.
I suppose that would be God's grace? 
Whatever the case, His grace is sufficient in weakness.
____________________
"In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I am there you may also be." - Jesus
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free_dove
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 12:15 pm |
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For yesterday and today, i'm going well. I'm free from pornography. I had temptation but resisted.
____________________
Porn is a curse. "Be killing sin or it will be killing you" John Owen
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free_dove
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 01:30 pm |
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Did not resist the last temptation. Fell again with pornography.
____________________
Porn is a curse. "Be killing sin or it will be killing you" John Owen
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free_dove
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 03:59 pm |
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Fell again with pornography. It end up with masturbation. I'm guilty, no excuses.
____________________
Porn is a curse. "Be killing sin or it will be killing you" John Owen
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anonms
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 04:32 pm |
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uh... I was saying that I wasn't an authority on theology. I don't even know you, man... no offense meant.
oh, and good so far today. no bull from this end.
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Guitarist_John
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 09:49 pm |
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anonms wrote: uh... I was saying that I wasn't an authority on theology. I don't even know you, man... no offense meant.
oh, and good so far today. no bull from this end.
Whoops, my bad .
I actually thought you were talking about me.
Only a little while ago did I realize that thats silly since he doesn't know me, and maybe he was talking about himself. 
Great, I feel like a dolt now, even though it is kinda funny.
Anyways, congratulations and praise the Lord that you've done good thus far. Whatever happens, keep plodding on and keep starving the flesh. Pretty soon your times of sobriety will be a week, then a fortnight, then a month, two months, years, so on.
But remember, sobriety isn't the main objective here. It's getting closer to God that counts. Keep trusting in Him.
As for myself, I was again tempted a few hours ago, but I put on some music and ignored the urges to fantasize in my mind.
Praise the Lord!
____________________
"In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I am there you may also be." - Jesus
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guitarist63
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 10:20 pm |
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I have lost ground to the father of lies and he has won a victory. I succumbed again before midnight, yesterday and the worst part is I used old memories and lusted over them. This hasn't happened in over a year, as far as I can remember. It is a huge step back. I have strayed from God's path and into the broad way that leads to the fires of hell and eternal separation from God.
I have repented and sought His forgiveness but I know it has hurt God and I don't know yet how it has affected my relationship in the long term.
Last edited on Fri Jul 25th, 2008 10:22 pm by guitarist63
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love&hate
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Posted: Fri Jul 25th, 2008 11:57 pm |
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Holdsworth - i know exactly how you feel. It is so hard to feel repentance and sincerity when one makes a habit of this sin isnt it?
Confessjorj - sometimes if a day is too long for me i will start with an hour.. or less
Free_dove - no we don't have much of an excuse do we? My personal opinion is that one can be free no matter what a women wears or how she presents herself.
Guitarist - i am sorry to hear you caught in the cycle. For me instead of being so dejected i try to look at it this way.... the Devil won this one but there will be many other battles to come. And the outcome of the war is already known.
Prayed for you.
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Guitarist_John
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Posted: Sat Jul 26th, 2008 05:17 pm |
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Unfortunately, I gave in to fantasizing thoughts and indulged in Mb'ing this morning. God's grace was there; there was a minute when the desire faded and it seemed like a window of escape, but after that minute the lust resurged and I gave in.
It was such a deceit! The tempting thoughts made it seem like it would feel so good, and what a complete lie. I genuinely felt betrayed, as strange as it sounds. I've been tempted since then, but I've been so fed up about it that I've wanted none of it.
Keep on walking the Way, brethren.
____________________
"In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I am there you may also be." - Jesus
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Jul 26th, 2008 11:56 pm |
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Thanks for your prayer, Loveandamp
I am not feeling dejected today and eager to please God.
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anonms
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Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 07:42 am |
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Nicole and I began to break up tonight. somehow, this doesn't strike me as earthshattering. I'm dissapointed, but I could be worse. I'm mostly just depressed... which I guess would rationalize me being up at 2 in the morning, typing on a sex addiction forum. :/
I fell yesterday, but I've been clean today. in 4 hours, I'll count as 2 days and be on the right track again. church is in the morning, and I'm looking forward to being in the house of the lord with a more clean conscience.
college starts in the fall. There will be other beautiful girls to fall in love with. Life goes on.
I just really hoped she'd be there to help me through this.
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Guitarist_John
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Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 10:20 am |
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Good morning all!
We had church yesterday (we alternate between Saturday and Sunday depending on people's schedules), and it was great.
I believe today will be a good day. Whatever happens, I will praise the Lord.
Pretty bold statement, but we live by faith, afterall. Believing things that aren't as if they were, bringing them into being.
____________________
"In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I am there you may also be." - Jesus
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Guitarist_John
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Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 10:24 am |
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Nicole and I began to break up tonight. somehow, this doesn't strike me as earthshattering. I'm dissapointed, but I could be worse.
I'm mostly just depressed... which I guess would rationalize me being up at 2 in the morning, typing on a sex addiction forum. :/ I fell yesterday, but I've been clean today. in 4 hours, I'll count as 2 days and be on the right track again. church is in the morning, and I'm looking forward to being in the house of the lord with a more clean conscience. college starts in the fall.
There will be other beautiful girls to fall in love with. Life goes on. I just really hoped she'd be there to help me through this.
I'm sorry about your girlfriend. At least you'll have us to support ya!
By the way, regarding girls, just believe in God to bring the right one for you in His own time, one who will actually be with you and support you in your time of weakness.
Don't just float around picking up whoever catches your fancy. Thats a sure way to another broken heart. Why settle for the best that you can get when you can have the best that God will give?
____________________
"In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I am there you may also be." - Jesus
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 07:23 pm |
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Hello. Another hot day but God be thanked, I slept enough last night probably because I deliberately wore myself out with work up until late.
No offences to report since the last one.
Anonms sorry to hear about your girlfriend's rejection. As guitaristjohn says, God has the lady for you when the time comes.
Last edited on Sun Jul 27th, 2008 07:25 pm by guitarist63
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anonms
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Posted: Mon Jul 28th, 2008 05:42 am |
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no screwups today! Nicole and I made the breakup official today. I told her that she was free to enjoy the rest of her summer and that I was praying for her. She acted like I might as well have stabbed her in the heart. It wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.
Anyway, at least for right now, the future looks bright. only two weeks until college, hopefully I can use them to grow closer to God.
If you'll all continue to pray for nicole I'll be much abliged. also, my friend Adam recently came out as homosexual to me recently, and I've been close to him since childhood, so if you'll keep him and the wife God has planned for him in your prayers as well.
Thanks a bundle! 3 days since M.
-anonms
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anonms
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Posted: Tue Jul 29th, 2008 07:17 am |
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4 days without M, and I fell. and I don't know quite how to think right now, because this is a special case.
I'm almost sure I was just caught. I can't confirm any of the details, but I'll be living with my parents for another 2 weeks or so before college. My mom is currently sick, and under heavy medication. I'm not sure if she even knows what's going on.
she knocked, and I closed the window as fast as I could, and... well, adjusted everything, but I'm almost sure she knew what was up. She didn't mention anything or make a scene, but I'm not THAT fast. she must be able to pull assumptions from the situation.
I hate this. I've never been walked in on before.
I really wanted to make some progress on my own. It was just going to be me and this forum. I'd pull myself together for God, and Nicole, and Myself. I'd be a better person because it was the right thing to do.
I started to make progress, and the whole thing has gone sour. I'm alone, I'm humiliated, and I feel further away from God than ever.
I am trying so hard to still take this seriously.
Starting over now. This may be the last post for a while, it depends on whether or not my mother comments on anything. In my defense, I may show her that I was at least trying to pull myself together. I don't want her to think that her son fell into this on purpose or is OK with what he's doing. I'm not. She's so heavily medicated, she may not even remember.
Oh God, I'm sick to my stomach.
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holdsworth
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Posted: Tue Jul 29th, 2008 09:50 am |
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This entry I deleted because I messed up later on so certainly not in any position to offer encouragement to anyone else for the time being!
Last edited on Tue Jul 29th, 2008 09:43 pm by holdsworth
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CB
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Posted: Tue Jul 29th, 2008 05:33 pm |
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anonms wrote: 4 days without M, and I fell. and I don't know quite how to think right now, because this is a special case.
I'm almost sure I was just caught. I can't confirm any of the details, but I'll be living with my parents for another 2 weeks or so before college. My mom is currently sick, and under heavy medication. I'm not sure if she even knows what's going on.
she knocked, and I closed the window as fast as I could, and... well, adjusted everything, but I'm almost sure she knew what was up. She didn't mention anything or make a scene, but I'm not THAT fast. she must be able to pull assumptions from the situation.
I hate this. I've never been walked in on before.
I really wanted to make some progress on my own. It was just going to be me and this forum. I'd pull myself together for God, and Nicole, and Myself. I'd be a better person because it was the right thing to do.
I started to make progress, and the whole thing has gone sour. I'm alone, I'm humiliated, and I feel further away from God than ever.
I am trying so hard to still take this seriously.
Starting over now. This may be the last post for a while, it depends on whether or not my mother comments on anything. In my defense, I may show her that I was at least trying to pull myself together. I don't want her to think that her son fell into this on purpose or is OK with what he's doing. I'm not. She's so heavily medicated, she may not even remember.
Oh God, I'm sick to my stomach.
I know exactly how you feel, anonms. I was there for a long time. But, in reading your post I think you have a couple of things wrong. God was never able to do the work He needed to in me as long as my mentality was "I need to quit because it's hurting my wife." or "I need to quit because I need to be better for my kids." And I'll even go one step further and say you'll never find freedom if your mentality is "I need to quit because this is wrong." Allow me to explain.
You mentioned in your post that "I'd pull myself together for God . . ." But God doesn't want us to pull ourselves together. God doesn't expect us to clean up our mess. He knows we can't clean up our mess. If we could, there would not have been a need for Jesus to face the cross. I had made a huge mess of my life, and spent years filling my mind with all kinds of junk. I was so filthy dirty. And I realized that I could never clean myself up and that God didn't even want me to try to clean myself up. All He wanted was for me to take my filthy self and say "God, I can't do this. I cannot clean myself up. Not for me, not for my wife, not even for You. I need You to make me new. Here's my life." You need to lay down your pride and thinking that you can do anything about this. Because it's only by grace that we're saved. Saved from our sins. Saved from ourselves. Saved from our addictions.
Rom 7:7 - 8:16 has a lot to say about the struggle between the flesh and the spirit.
Also, God doesn't want anything less than your top priority. He has feelings too, and we need to treat Him as such. I could never get away with spending 5 minutes a day with my wife. And especially if my attitude was "I need to spend some time with her, because that's what a husband is supposed to do." and check it off my list. Yet so many times, I believe that's how we treat God. "I need to spend some time with Him real quick before I go to bed. I need to read a chapter in my Bible real fast because that's what a christian is supposed to do." And we fail to cultivate a real relationship with Almighty God. And it's all because our top priority isn't Jesus. When you accept His grace and begin pursuing Him with all your heart, that's where you'll find the freedom you're looking for.
Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
John 14:16 - Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
John 8:32 - Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
CB!
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cbthinking.blogspot.com
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confessorj
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Posted: Wed Jul 30th, 2008 12:08 pm |
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I had a couple of good days and then gave in last night. This is getting old.
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