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confessorj
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Posted: Sat Jul 12th, 2008 09:14 pm |
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I had a bad couple of days. I need to get back on track with associating porn with filth. I really need to bounce back.
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holdsworth
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Posted: Sun Jul 13th, 2008 07:03 pm |
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Today:
Big Slipppp uupppp! and guilt and shame and all the other things that go with it have landed upon me.
I have let others down today and sad that I have not taken the 'bull by the horns' and reigned this thing in. Lust as medicine seeps into the very fabric of me...nasty side effects. I need a new prescription!
Am planning a visit to a new church next week. Feel like a kid finding his way right now, feels kinda silly for a grown man to say that.
Guitarist- glad prayer has helped your back pain. Yes, steer clear of the heavy weights!!
Holdsworth
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun Jul 13th, 2008 09:47 pm |
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Hello Holdsworth,
Thanks for the comment about weights.
Last night, couldn't get much sleep because of back pain.
I am back to square one again today.
All the best with your church hunt and will pray God leads you to the very best one for you.
Last edited on Mon Jul 14th, 2008 09:38 pm by guitarist63
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Jay1954
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 01:05 am |
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Hang in there It is tough but remember you are not alone, we have the same struggles, Im just like you somedays are very hard, I'll keep praying for you
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Man
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 01:09 am |
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Jay: "You are not alone" That's the slogan for SLAA (12-step-group). Just got reminded about that when you said that...
Thanks
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Wilderness Voice
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 05:22 pm |
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Guys:
I noticed you've had several post about evaluating where to attend, or finding where to attend church. There is a wonderful podcast (can listen on-line) at Pure Life Ministries that may help you. The 7/14/08 podcast talks about the Power of the Cross in Truly Overcoming Sin and specifically talking about effective support groups and discipleship and ministries: those that actually help men walk into a newness of life completely outside of sexual sin. May give you some idea of what to look for.
http://www.purelifeministries.org/podcast
I pray this helps some of you. It is very encouraging.
WV
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Man
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 11:29 pm |
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Hi guys, I am still quite concerned about the subject how to react when I meet people who think they are "perfect", that think they have reached perfection, who think that they cannot learn anything from me i.e. They have come so far. They have only one mission and that is to explain others "HOW IT IS".
I just can't see that there is some love in that. As far as I can see, those who have that attitude: Haven't they come very short?
Isn't it those who see, serve and build up who have come far?, not those who explain "HOW IT IS".
I have also experienced that they also decide whether others are christians or not.. What is someone tell a guy that he/she is rebellious when he/she tells about his /her struggles and the person who has come so far of course love the Lord extremely much is are very high up and tell the guy who share about his/her struggles how rebellious and terrible he/ she is.. Is that okay?
I don't get it... Are those people God-lovers?
If people express doubt, maybe they have ocd and have doubt about many things. Maybe they brave. They dear to be honest. Maybe a lot of people have doubt, but they don't dare to talk about it...
Sometimes it seems that the easiest thing in a shor perspective is to not share real about the struggles and be honest, just shout and agree, then I will get acceptance that I am longing so much for.. just play a game. It seems that might be the the easiest way sometimes not be honest, because if being honest then I will probably get crushed down..
So I am thinking of those who crush me so hard down as hypocrites.
Am I wrong? What should I do?
But actually we are both mutually accusing each other for having a bad heart.
Who is right and what should I do?
Maybe I am proud and think that I am better than others:
I might have the problem that I think I am better than others because I might think I am more honest about doubt and so on...
so I might think I am better than others: The same thing that I am accusing others for...
Last edited on Tue Jul 15th, 2008 11:52 pm by Man
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Jay1954
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 12:46 am |
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All I know is that the closer I walk with the Lord, the less perfect I feel, sometimes He will show us even more of our sins. I think sometimes we judge others, because it makes us feel better, so we don't have to judge ourselfs
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Man
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 12:55 am |
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Jay1954 wrote: All I know is that the closer I walk with the Lord, the less perfect I feel, sometimes He will show us even more of our sins. I think sometimes we judge others, because it makes us feel better, so we don't have to judge ourselfs
Yea, it could be...
but that same "I am better than you"- attitude, I experience that several places. Maybe it is personality or maybe someone has that attitude? Why do they have the attitude? Have they chosen it or? I don't know.
Last edited on Wed Jul 16th, 2008 12:57 am by Man
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Man
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 12:55 am |
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WV: Thanks for the link
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Jay1954
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 03:00 am |
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sometimes I think its personality some people are hard to get along with,and have their own problems
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Man
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Posted: Thu Jul 17th, 2008 12:41 pm |
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Thanks Jay
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Man
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 04:55 am |
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Thanks guys
I just wanted to look at some pictures. I guess they are teenagers and I wondered why I wanted to look. I have a feeling it was to see something that could give a kick or wake up the lust or or or..? maybe because I felt empty..
Last edited on Sun Jul 20th, 2008 04:55 am by Man
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 08:52 pm |
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Hello Man, love&, Tim, John and others
No offences to report since the last.
How to walk away from this forever is hard to comprehend at this stage but God says in His Word that it is possible so it must be so.
Last edited on Mon Jul 21st, 2008 06:07 pm by guitarist63
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 03:32 pm |
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Gentlemen:
I am going to relocate the discussion of doubts to the "Church" forum. This will take some time, but please do not continue to post about it here. This is about accountability for lust/acting out.
Thanks,
TruthSeeker
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 06:13 pm |
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I've got so far and succumbed again yesterday to the old habit. Starting again. An unexpected trigger was a spam in my webmail. I had not worked out (I know now) that this type of spam is identifiable by its large KB size. Nothing in the subject heading to suggest that the contents was spam and nothing to indicate it was pornographic spam. I clicked on it and read a few words and realized what it was.
I then zapped it and all the other messages in my mail box so I now know not to look at anything with a large KB size in future. There weren't any pictures, thankfully, but what I read had a bad effect on me.
I started to struggle more with temptation that day and the next day (yesterday) and so it was a trigger. It's one that I now know how to avoid.
Last edited on Mon Jul 21st, 2008 09:22 pm by guitarist63
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anonms
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 06:36 pm |
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I'm going to be as succinct as I can here... It's been a long, hard road even getting to this point.
I'm sick of porn and I'm sick of masturbation and I'm sick of not feeling close to god. I feel like this is the last real road block between me and a better life. I'm sure you've heard all of this before.
last night I masturbated, hopefully for the last time. I'm going to be using this thread (or another, if suggested) to keep a tally/journal of what goes in and out of my mind and my body for as long as it takes. It's a huge risk for me to even be on this site - to be telling people. I'm more afraid than anything that someone will get on my computer and run into the struggle I've been going through. I'm good with computers and can generally cover my tracks, but paranoia still reigns.
I want to stop for myself, and for my girlfriend. God, she doesn't even know. I struggle with perversion everyday, and I've never given into the temptation to act the things I see in private out. I really don't think she knows. No one does, really. If someone was to walk in the room right now and run into this site, I'd have a whole new life to live.
It wasn't always like this.
anyhow, here's the tally.
1 day since m. 1 day since p. clean today.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 09:16 pm |
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Welcome Anonms
Its good to have a new poster in the acountability thread. Thanks also for keeping strictly to the topic.
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anonms
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Posted: Tue Jul 22nd, 2008 05:58 am |
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i know this isn't too far from the first post, but I think it's impressive enough. I haven't gone with out p or m for more than 24 hours in a long time. today, I accidentally ran into some images that were unclean online, but I didn't act on them, I simply clicked away. I felt pretty good about that.
I got to hang out with my girlfriend tonight, and for some reason it was harder than usual to keep to myself. I wasn't inappropriate in the way I treated her, I just gave her a massage. It wasn't so much that I had to be physically involved with her, it was more that I didn't want to be alone. I'm hoping that doesn't amplify, but I'm asking for prayer, just in case.
I may not get to post in the morning, so I'll chalk up 2 days without m. I have a good feeling about this. I've never REALLY tried to quit, not really, so this is a step in the right direction.
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Man
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Posted: Tue Jul 22nd, 2008 10:51 am |
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| Anonms: Good
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