Newsletter Archive Home
Blazing Grace Newsletter, October 2005
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* Why We Avoid Jesus
* Guess Who’s Supporting the Porn Industry?
* The Blazing Grace Radio Show
* New Content
* Covenant Eyes
* Prayer Requests
* The Top 5 pages visited in September
* Oswald’s words
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Why We Avoid Jesus
by Mike Genung
When lust ruled my life, it was a struggle for me to rest in Jesus’ presence. I was often in a hurry, with my mind racing on other things. Truth is, there were many times when I could barely stand to be with Him. Frequently, I did a lot of the talking… “forgive me, fix me, take this away from me….” me, me, me. Life was All About Me even when I was praying, or should I say, reading off my list to God. I avoided Him even when I was with Him.
There are many reasons we avoid Jesus:
1. Shame.
For the struggler with lust, the first reason is often shame. In years past, when I would travel on a business trip and act out with porn in the hotel rooms, the hardest part of the trip was when I walked off the runway and had to look my wife and then 2 year old son in the eye. Their purity and innocence were a sharp contrast to the filth and shame my heart was saturated with. Coming to a holy God after sinning sexually, especially with something as shaming as porn and masturbation, is even harder. I remember crying from feeling so dirty and wretched in the holy, shining white glory of His presence.
2. Because we’re naked.
In God’s presence we know He sees every spec of sin: the lust, distorted motives, selfishness, pride, doubts and rebellion; the big pile of ugly stuff we try to keep swept under the carpet. When hiding has become the preferred way of life, complete, utter vulnerability can be a frightening experience.
“And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Hebrews 4:13
3. Pride collapses.
In His Presence, our carefully erected and protected Walls of Pride fall flat like they did in Jericho. There’s no mask that can hide what we are to the Lord; all pretense that we have it together is gone.
4. We must surrender control.
We avoid Jesus because we know we will have to give up control. For someone who’s been abused or hurt in the past, this can be terrifying … “can I trust God with the tender places of my heart?” Others ask: “what will God do when He’s got the helm of my life… send me to Sri Lanka?” Probably not. Chances are, He’ll ask us to do what we already know we need to do, such as get an accountability partner, go to someone for help, face our weaknesses, or write that letter of forgiveness we’ve been putting off.
5. I have to take responsibility.
In God’s presence, we know we can’t blame our problems on others. We dare not tell him our lust problem is because our spouse won’t give us more sex, or they won’t cater to our every whim. The Adam technique (blame it on Eve) doesn’t hold water with God. With Jesus we have to take complete ownership of the self-induced wreckage of our life. With God we have to face the harsh reality that we’re broken.
6. We feel it all.
A big reason I struggled being with God was because I would feel everything in His presence. All the pain, emptiness, shame and misery I’d been running from would quickly surface, to the point where I felt overwhelmed. All that emotion was too much for me, so I often baled out on Him.
7. We’re angry at Him.
Some are angry at God because “You gave me this husband who’s a sex addict!” Others, because they were violated, treated unfairly or abused by someone in the past; they hold Him responsible for the actions of other broken people. “If you’re sovereign, then it’s Your fault, God” goes the thinking.
8. We’re hurt
It can be hard to come to God when we’re hurting. We do the MC Hammer thing when it comes to our pain: “You can’t touch this... I don’t want to get hurt again” Or maybe, what we’re saying, is, “Do you really care? Can You touch my heart and heal me like You said You can in Your word? Do I matter to you? Do you really love me?”
9. I’m too busy (running from God.)
Some say “I’m too busy to slow down and be with God”, but this is a copout. We do what we want to do, and there’s a reason we keep so busy… we think if run on the treadmill at a furious pace we won’t have to deal with or feel what’s really going on inside. But we can run only so long until we get tired, burnout, or crash.
10. We’re choked.
"The seed which fell among the thorns, these are the ones who have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to maturity.” (Luke 8:14) Our culture promotes discontent at every turn… “You need the product we’re selling today if you want to be happy,” and it’s easy to get sucked into the madness.
I love reading how Jesus dealt with broken people who came to Him in God’s word. The grace He poured out on broken sinners who were no longer faking it was shocking, even scandalous.
The woman caught in adultery (John 8) would have been incredibly ashamed, humiliated, and given up hope that she’d make it out of the mess she was in alive.
The Lord’s response?
“Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more." (John 8:10-11)
“I do not condemn you”… ”there is no condemnation for those in Christ” (Romans 8:1). Most people get it backwards; they go out and try to “sin no more” (and fail miserably) while ignoring the incredible implications of “I do not condemn you.” It is only once we accept Christ’s “no condemnation,” found only through the cross, where we gain the strength to “sin no more.”
Jesus dined with broken, shamed sinners, as we read in Matthew 9:10:
“Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples.”
In the culture of the day, to dine with someone was to desire to deepen the relationship. Jesus wants the same with you.
Jesus justified those who freely admitted they were a mess:
"But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me, the sinner!' (Jesus said) "I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 18:13-14
My favorite story of restoration is Peter’s. He’d denied Jesus 3 times, in front of a crowd, the last time with cursing. In Matthew 10:33, Jesus had said "But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.” These words, plus everything Peter had seen Jesus do the previous 3 years must have tormented him. All the disciples knew Peter had blown it big time, so there was no hiding his blunder.
Peter must have been writhing in shame, wanting a deep hole to crawl into; perhaps he was ready to give up. There was no way out.
Yet, Jesus restored Peter by quietly asking him 3 times if he loved Jesus. No lecture, no “the Bible says”, just, “do you love me?” And, then, crazy God of grace that He is, the Lord used Peter powerfully to bring many souls to Christ. (Read the book of Acts). Later, God wrote First and Second Peter through the pen of the man who had denied Him.
How did God deal with those who were angry at Him?
Jonah was ticked off at God for causing revival in Nineveh, as we read in Jonah 4:2:
“He (Jonah) prayed to the Lord and said, "Please Lord, was not this what I said while I was still in my own country? Therefore in order to forestall this I fled to Tarshish, for I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, and one who relents concerning calamity.
God didn’t waste Jonah, (like I would have been tempted to do) but reminded him of His grace:
“Should I not have compassion on Nineveh, the great city in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know {the difference} between their right and left hand, as well as many animals?" (Jonah 4:11)
When we choose to remain stuck in anger, we keep ourselves from the grace we so desperately need. Not a week after he was born, I held my second son while he died, in 1997. If I would have chosen bitterness at God for what happened, I’d have missed out on all the comfort that God showered on me during those impossible days. Remember, sin wasn’t His plan. Through trials he molds us into Christ’s image, by teaching us to forgive when we don’t want to, love others who don’t deserve it, and obey when we’d rather do things another way. If Jonah would have had his way, the people of Nineveh wouldn’t have been recipients of God’s grace.
The greatest commandment isn’t about avoiding sin, or knowing God’s word, but “loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.” (Matthew 22:37). It is this love relationship that the struggler with lust craves, yet has a hard time accepting. The old tapes of shame and worthlessness torment them endlessly, so they stay away from Jesus.
If you want life, love and peace, come to Jesus. He doesn’t guarantee your problems will go away, but He does promise to be with us through them, and provide the life we’re looking for:
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13
"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”
John 14:6
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
"You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life.
John 5:39-40
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Guess Who’s Supporting the Porn Industry?
In last month’s newsletter, we had Shelley Lubben’s article “The Truth Behind the Fantasy.” For those of you who are new, Shelley is a former porn actress turned to Christ. You can read her article here.
From what Shelley wrote about the individual who looks at porn playing a role in the continuing abuse of the actors and actresses in those pictures, and with the numbers showing that 50% of Christian men are dabbling in pornography (not to mention the ladies) it hit me that the church is supporting the porn industry. We who decry the freefall of morality in the U.S. are also causing it; we’re the problem and the solution in one package.
Our silence in the church about the porn epidemic causes it to spread faster; to counter it we need to speak clearly and often from our pulpits about the problem and provide clear answers on how to deal with it. I hear frustration from Christians all the time that our churches aren’t effectively addressing sexual sin.
The Crosswalk.com article “How Your Church can Take on the Porn Epidemic” (written by yours truly) at http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/pastors/1344894.html provides an action plan for how to do just that.
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The Blazing Grace Radio Show
We’ve been hitting a lot of good topics on the radio show lately, including child pornography (in an interview with a Federal agent), homosexuality, female sex addiction, and an interview with a youth pastor on the need to hit our teenagers with the truth. We talked with a couple of guys who are going into prisons everywhere with the gospel, and just taped 2 shows with the president of Exodus International. Broadcasts of the shows can be downloaded at no charge at our radio page.
We’d like to do a show on “pastors and porn,” so if you’re a pastor and have struggled with porn and would be willing to participate (you could call in) please email me.
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New content added to the Blazing Grace website:
Last month I added “Healing for Wives” but messed up the link.
Here’s the right one
Support from other women is available for you ladies who might be struggling with how to cope with your husband’s sex addiction. Information is available in the article.
Past newsletters are archived here.
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Covenant Eyes
Those of you who struggle with internet porn may find Covenant Eyes helpful. It’s a software program that emails a list of every website visited on your computer to an accountability partner of your choice. When you know a close friend (like your wife) will see every website you’ve visited, it’ll cause you to think hard and long before going to the wrong site. I have a number of friends who use it. The service costs $7.00 a month; information on Covenant Eyes is available here.
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Prayer Requests:
I have 2 praise reports from last month; both Nedra and Robin’s husbands have agreed to stay and work their marriages out with them. Previously their husbands had been asking for a divorce. Thank you for praying – it makes a difference.
New Prayer Requests:
"I am a college student who is far away from home, and I am feeling very lonely and am having trouble staying pure. Please pray that God would strengthen me and help me to say no to the strong temptations to look at pornography and masturbate."
Matt
"I've been struggling for many years with sexual addiction (porn, impure thoughts etc.)I love my wife and I desperately want to be a good Christian, honest and pure, but I can't overcome the addiction. Great many times I swore to myself never to yield to that evil anymore, and even thought that I was healed from it after abstaining for a while, but eventually, invariably, I would collapse back into the sin. I feel completely desperate. I want to be free and to enter the kingdom of Heaven. Is there hope for me? Please pray for my liberation from the addiction."
Gratefully, D.
"Approximately ten years ago my husband did the Pure Life course. He was set free from 19 years of sexual sin, pornography, and addiction to masturbation. We have called and ordered the course again, as he has never been set free from the sexual sin in his mind. Pray that he will finally be able to completely overcome this and that I will be able to bear up under this once again."
Stef
"My husband has many addictions which have caused a lot of problems in our lives, and I recently discovered that he has had an addiction to porn for many years, and has had sexual relations with other women, which I suspected but could not prove until recently. We've been married almost 25 years. I can't allow this havoc to continue anymore, enough. I would like to print out and give my husband all the information that I read on this website and would like prayer that he would receive and take hold of this information for his life and to have a hunger to seek out and to believe in the Love of God to deliver and heal him from these afflictions and the wisdom to reach out and open up to other Godly people for help and accountability.
I would also like prayer for myself for an abundance of Grace and Wisdom from God. I want back what was stolen from me, and the restoration of my husband and family to a higher place with more love than I ever could imagine, which is God's intent for my family in the first place. I ask for this in the name of Jesus.
Thank you so much."
Love, L
"I am married man of 8 years and am being caught in this menace. It is my fervent prayer that I am healed and given fresh love to my wife (Julie). Please pray for me."
Lawrence
"I ask that you pray for my husband, Brian, to get more involved in his healing of his sexual addiction and reach out to the men's group at our church. Please pray for healing of our marriage (we have only been married two years), for Brian for his cross addictions (alcohol, pain medication, smoking and sex) and my own addictions (emotional adultery, smoking, and eating for comfort). I also ask that you pray for the women's group at our churches, and that our current gathering of Christian ladies, will be given the grace and healing for their marriages as well."
Tammy
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The Top 5 Articles at the Blazing Grace website in September were:
1. Masturbation
2. Porn Statistics
3. “Hey, it’s Just a Little Porn, I’m no Sex Addict.”
4. What is Sex Addiction?
5. One Wife’s Story
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Oswald’s Words
“Where sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts. Do I really want to get there? I can right now. The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words – “Come to me.” Our Lord’s words are not, “Do this, or don’t do that,” but – “Come to Me.” If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires. I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.
Have you ever come to Jesus? Look at the stubbornness of your heart. You would rather do anything than this one simple childlike thing – “Come to Me.” If you really want to experience ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.
Jesus Christ makes Himself the test to determine your genuineness. Look at how He uses the word come. At the most unexpected moments in your life there is this whisper of the Lord – “Come to Me,” and you are immediately drawn to Him. Personal contact with Jesus changes everything. Be “foolish” enough to come and commit yourself to what He says. The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made the determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him.”
From “My Utmost for His Highest,” by Oswald Chambers.
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I enjoy reading your feedback from these newsletters.
May God’s grace abound to you.
Mike Genung
Feel free to forward this newsletter.
All material copyright 2005 Mike Genung
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