What is True Success?
By Mike Genung
Success:
The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: they attributed their success in business to hard work. The gaining of fame or prosperity: an artist spoiled by success. The extent of such gain. One that is successful: The plan was a success. A result or an outcome.
The American Heritage Dictionary
The above shows the definition of the “success” as written by man, but what is success in God’s eyes? Some might say it has to do with numbers, as the following excerpts from ads in a recent issue of a big name Christian magazine might indicate:
“How did we grow from 8 to 13,000 people?” asks one ad for a conference
“As senior pastor of one of the most effective churches in America, best-selling author… (whose) congregation of 5,000 worshippers...”
…church has an opening for the position of senior pastor of this historical and vibrant 3,900 member congregation…
…a healthy, growing church with over 1,100 people attending weekly is seeking a dynamic lead pastor…
…We are a healthy and diverse church with an average attendance of 760 in three services…
However, I can’t find anything in God’s Word where He’s impressed with the size of a crowd.
Some think that success has to do with money. In my former life, I owned a profitable business that sold machine tool products. I had a nice house, 2 cars in the garage, and decent cash flow. I was also an empty, miserable Christian sex addict. I don’t think this is what God has in mind.
What does Scripture show us about success?
Before Joseph ascended to the number two position in Egypt, he was sold to slave traders by his brothers, then spent two years in prison after being falsely accused of sexual harassment by Potiphar’s wife. Joseph must have felt like a failure during this time, wondering if his life would ever amount to anything.
By the world’s standards, Jesus must have looked like a failure. He made claims about being the “way the truth and the life,” and that “He came so that we could have abundant life,” and then was killed at the age of 33 by the church leaders of the day.
Paul spent many of the last years of his life in prison, and was eventually executed in Rome. Instead of being out bringing more people to Christ, planting churches, and teaching God’s people, he languished behind bars.
John, the “disciple Jesus loved” spent his golden years in exile on the island of Patmos, apart from family, friends and the church. Not exactly an exciting end for the man through whom God penned one of the most well-read books of the gospels (which includes John 3:16).
But as we know, God made Joseph the number two man in Egypt after his ordeals. After Jesus’ crucifixion came resurrection, salvation and the abundant life for many through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. A number of the letters that Paul wrote from prison are now a part of God’s word. John encountered the Lord on Patmos and recorded the book of the Revelation of Jesus Christ.
In Joseph, Jesus, Paul and John’s life, God used failure, imprisonment, death and exile to accomplish His purposes.
I considered what success has looked like in my life.
In 1991, when I finally decided to start getting help for my problems with sexual addiction, I thought I was a miserable failure. I could no longer pretend that I was the “good Christian”. But if I didn’t give up my reputation and start seeking help, I’d still be enslaved to sexual sin today, and wouldn’t be writing this newsletter to you.
A number of times while I attended the 12 step groups I thought I was a success because I had abstained from sexual sin for an extended period of time, but the truth was I was already moving towards failure. I was relying on how “good I had been” and “the program” instead of God; pride had a home in my heart.
In 1997, my wife and I held our second son Scott as he died, just five days after he was born. Intense prayers for God to spare his life went unanswered; it felt like a devastating failure.
But what if, had he lived, Scott would have turned away from Christ and ended up in hell? It would be far better for the Lord to take him home at a young age so I could spend eternity with Scott, than we have him for a short time on this earth and then lose him for all eternity.
In addition, God used our son’s death to break me of my worship of work and financial prosperity as a way of life.
In 2000 I started the Colorado Jesus Video Project, with the intent of doing the fundraising necessary to send out the Jesus Video into every home in the state of Colorado. It bombed miserably; my own church even said no.
However, from that failure came the first Strength in Numbers group.
In 2002, I shut down the second machine tool distribution company that I had started (after selling the first one at a profit in 1998) at a loss. This second business lost money every month of its short two year existence, and we racked up a lot of debt trying to keep it going. However after that failure God sent me into an office to work alone, where I’ve spent the past 4 years learning how to write.
In 2004 we took a survey at the church we attended at the time about the men’s use of porn; after learning that 61% had viewed porn within the past year the leadership of the church did nothing. It felt like a failure to me, but God used it to take my then narrow focus off of one local church—and onto the world. It was at this time when I started writing the content for the Blazing Grace website, and God has used it to minister to many in the U.S. and other countries.
After considering the above, there are several points we can come away with:
God uses failure as man sees it to accomplish His purposes.
Think back to how He worked in Joseph, Jesus, Paul and John’s lives: abduction, unjust imprisonment, unjust crucifixion, death, more imprisonment, and exile. I’ll never forget a statement Chuck Swindoll once made years ago: “When God wants to use a man, He takes him and crushes him.” Why would God do it this way? Because failure, hardship and hopeless circumstances force us to our knees; it is here, when we are completely surrendered and broken, when we are more willing to listen, and follow Him.
Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.
Hebrews 5:8
No one wants to see a marriage broken up; it’s devastating, horrible and traumatic to the couple and their children. Yet I’ve seen the Lord take a number of people who have been through the crushing of divorce because of a spouse’s sex/porn addiction and then send them into ministry in the same battlefield. This doesn’t mean that we should resign ourselves to failed marriages, of course, but that God can use the pain and trauma from a marriage that’s been wracked from sexual sin to mold and shape a man or his wife for His purposes.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.
Isaiah 55:8
Death is often involved.
At times, the Lord allows our dreams, desires and ambitions to be put to death. After I revealed my adultery with a prostitute to Michelle in 1991, the marriage we had up to that point was destroyed. I was no longer the pure Christian knight in shining armor to my wife, but a twisted, self-absorbed, sex addict. Her old perceptions of me were shattered, as was the way I saw myself. I didn’t understand it at the time, but the trust that our marriage had been built on was gone; our relationship had died. As Jesus was resurrected into His glorified state after His death on the cross, so our marriage had to rise from the dead.
I’ve also experienced the death that comes from trying to “do for God” in ministry, as I shared in my experience with the Jesus Video Project. From Scripture we know that God is more interested in having us follow Him than the other way around.
And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."
Matthew 4:19
And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me
Matthew 10:38
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.
John 10:27-28
If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.
John 12:26
Those who follow Jesus “hear His voice”; which takes a commitment of time and energy to be still and listen to Him. It is Jesus Who makes us “fishers of men”, we’re not able to do it on our own. And we must “take up our cross,” the universal sign of brutal death. Our ambitions must die, because man’s ambition blinds him to God’s leading. What if the Apostle Paul had said: “but Lord, I’ve got all these churches I want to plant; think of all the people I can lead to Christ. I don’t want to go to prison, especially for so many years.” It amazes me that we don’t read of Paul complaining about His prison time; He freely allowed the Lord to have his life and do what He wanted with it.
The scary part is that there’s no guarantee of a happy ending. Some marriages don’t make it. Some children don’t live past their fifth day of life. Some apostles are allowed to live out their last years in exile, while others are beheaded. Ministries fall apart when a leader has a moral failing. We clutch at what we desperately want, trying furiously to avoid an outcome we’re terrified the Lord could be leading us to.
Jesus died on the cross; abandoned, naked and in great pain. There was no relief, no comfort, and no way out; the mocking and spitting on His face continued unabated until His death.
“Is God still there?” we cry. People let us down, just as the apostles (Peter in particular) let Jesus down. There is silence, and no answers seem to be coming. What is He doing? Doesn’t He hear? Why does He allow a woman to step into a marriage with a Christian sex addict who refuses to face the truth? Why, after a man has been in recovery for a year, does God allow His wife to suddenly be surrounded by advisors (many who are all too often Christian) who are filling her ears with the black poison of words like “Divorce him, don’t listen to him, he’ll just hurt you all over again.”
We fear we’ve lost control… or did we ever really have it?
In the end, the Lord is bringing us to a place of total and complete surrender of our lives to Him.
Success in God’s eyes, I believe, is measured by the depth of a man or woman’s surrender, no matter how painful their circumstances or what He asks of us, just as Jesus was sent to die, Joseph and Paul were sent to prison, and John was exiled.
Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.
John 4:34
I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.
John 5:30
For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.
John 6:38
A man cannot control his wife’s decision whether she will stay in the marriage, just as his wife cannot force him to get help. In the midst of what at times is overwhelming hopelessness and pain, God whispers: “Let me work. Trust Me; set your eyes on Me, and do what I’ve given you to do today.”
Which brings us to:
The Next Step
Surrender to the Lord does not mean we fall into passive apathy. I find that I often know the next step God wants me to take; the problem lies in my resistance to taking it. God is calling some of you to break out of your isolation and seek help at a support group, or with a Christian counselor, a pastor, or with an accountability partner. But you’re delaying, hoping you can overcome lust by your own willpower and keep going. It won’t happen. Submit to His ever-present promptings, and follow.
He who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he quarrels against all sound wisdom.
Proverbs 18:1.
Some wives are desperately doing everything they can to push their husband into doing something serious about his sexual sin. Your husband is cold, proud, and at times even cruel. Yet, when you’re alone with the Lord, all God seems to be saying is for you to let Him have your husband—and wait. This goes against everything inside of you, and you cry for another answer, but there is none.
Other wives have retreated into a corner and allowed their husbands to bulldoze them. You’re afraid of upsetting the apple cart and don’t want to step into a hornet’s nest; it’s easier to ignore the problem then face it head on. Words like “Speak the truth in love” pop up into your mind, but you push them away. Let God strengthen you and guide you, and leave the results up to Him.
I am the Lord, and there is no other; Besides Me there is no God. I will gird you, though you have not known Me; that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other, The One forming light and creating darkness, Causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these. "Drip down, O heavens, from above, And let the clouds pour down righteousness; Let the earth open up and salvation bear fruit, And righteousness spring up with it. I, the Lord, have created it. Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker--An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'? "Woe to him who says to a father, 'What are you begetting?' Or to a woman, 'To what are you giving birth?'
Isaiah 45:5-10
I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Isaiah 51:12
Maybe you’re in a desert experience; cut off from family and friends. You can relate with the Apostle John; your soul is seared with loneliness. Instead of frantically looking for the way out, ask the Lord what He wants you to learn; resolve not to leave your desert until God points the way out. He has intentionally led you there for a purpose.
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness…
Matthew 4:1
Some might have a relationship that needs to be resolved; this person’s face haunts you unceasingly, and you know your next step is reconciliation with them. Whether you need to forgive them or ask for forgiveness, go now; leave the altar and be a conduit of God’s peace and love to that person.
"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
Matthew 5:23-24
Some of you who are ministry leaders are delaying in responding to God’s call; He’s asking you to be bold and confront your congregations about the sexual sin that’s corrupted it, but you’ve delayed. You know the statistics that at least 50% of Christian men are corrupted with pornography; He’s opened the door and said “Go”, but you’re intimidated by what people might think, and you don’t want to look like a fanatic. Let Him have His way so He can bring His people to repentance and revival.
"And I said, `Who are You, Lord?' And the Lord said, `I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. `But get up and stand on your feet; for this purpose I have appeared to you, to appoint you a minister and a witness not only to the things which you have seen, but also to the things in which I will appear to you; rescuing you from the Jewish people and from the Gentiles, to whom I am sending you, to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me.' "So, King Agrippa, I did not prove disobedient to the heavenly vision, but kept declaring both to those of Damascus first, and also at Jerusalem and then throughout all the region of Judea, and even to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds appropriate to repentance.
Acts 26:15-20
And, God is calling some of you to wait. Perhaps you’re in ministry, and He’s put up several roadblocks in front of you because He wants you to look up and get into step with Him, yet you keep busting your kneecaps on His barriers as you try to get over them. He wants you, not your works. Stop, listen, and seek His face.
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
John 15:4
What is the outcome of surrendering our all to Him? A peace that comes from knowing God has us right where He wants us today, and that He’s engineering all of our circumstances. A childlike trust that has ceased striving. The joy of seeing Him use us as He wants in ways we couldn’t have orchestrated on our own.
And, true success.
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday.
Psalms 37:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20
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The Blazing Grace Radio Show
Those of you who live in the greater Los Angeles area can now listen to the Blazing Grace radio show Saturday nights at 8:00pm on 99.5FM, KKLA.
Here’s our lineup for September:
September 2 – Interview with David Kyle Foster of Mastering Life Ministries, Part 1
September 9 – Interview with David Kyle Foster of Mastering Life Ministries, Part 2
September 16 – Interview with Harry and Allan of The Defenders
September 23 – Interview with Linda Smith of Shared Hope International
September 30 – Interview with Sill Davis, director of Emmaus Ministries
The show is broadcast in Colorado Springs on KGFT 100.7FM, Saturdays at 11:00am. You can download mp3’s of the broadcasts without cost at the radio page, or listen to them in streaming audio at Oneplace.com.
The broadcasts are available as a podcast through Itunes. If you have the Itunes software, the shows are listed under “Religion and Spirituality/Christianity.”
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Porn in the Military
The following is an excerpt from this article:
“Pornography in the military has been a problem for decades. But not like today. During World War II, GIs carried decks of cards illustrated with naked women and posted photos of “pin-up gals” Betty Grable and Rita Hayworth… Today, pornography is sold at most base exchanges (BXs) in the United States. It’s part of a $57-billion-a-year worldwide industry…
In Iraq, alcohol and pornography—including Internet porn—are banned for enlisted personnel out of sensitivity to adherents of the country’s dominant religion, Islam. But despite the prohibitions and blocking software on military computers, Father Mark Reilly, who served as a Marine chaplain in Iraq this year, said increasing numbers of both men and women serving in Iraq have access to porn, and have become addicted.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been confronted as much face-to-face with men and women – in and out of the confessional – saying, ‘I’m addicted to porn and I don’t know how to get out of it,’” Father Reilly said. “They’re looking for a life preserver. It’s wrecking their marriages. Like any addiction, they lose control.””
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Overheard in the Forums
“I am on day 2 of sobriety from porn and masturbation. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also admit that this "disease" is greater than I can handle. I am powerless of over it. Try as I may, I can't seem to quit. And so I am seeking help. I cried out to God and He has led me to this site.
So far I have learned a lot from visiting this site. Thank you to the men and women who have shared their personal experience, strength and hope. It is interesting to note how I can relate to a number of the stories here.“
“This morning I’m going through an angry stage; my hubby got caught. Out of our 9 years of marriage, I've caught him 3 times, and he's confessed on his own 1 time. The one time he confessed was at the beginning of this year, he said he's had phone sex a couple years ago, and it only happened once (supposedly) and he felt terrible and needed to get it off his chest. I was understanding (hurt, of course) and I forgave him and we moved on. Then only a month after his tearful confession, he goes on a trip with his work (with his laptop) and gets into porn on the internet. It makes me so confused as to why he seemed so regretful, and then have an attitude of "whew, that's over, now let's see, where was I." And then he gets into it once again on the internet. The reason I'm angry this morning is because it seems he's trying to blame his insecurities for the reason he was into porn. If that's the whole truth behind it, I suppose I'll be in trouble because I'm very insecure now. I do love him, but it'll be a hard road. Each time I've caught him, it was ALWAYS remorse and tears, then he just does it again.
I've got 3 battles of my own here:
1. Regaining trust (since he lied to me many times to cover this)
2. Feeling secure in my future with him (will this happen AGAIN?) and:
3. My body image....this morning I felt like crying as I got dressed, I couldn't even stand to look at myself. I trust my Lord and Savior because He's an awesome God and never changes; He is a God of love. He loves me and he loves my hubby; I trust Him, but I find it so hard to live with my hubby who I do NOT trust.“
(One person responded as follows):
“You are quite right. Remorse alone is not enough. It is the steps he takes, like not traveling, permitting accountability software, joining a support group and/or getting counsel, etc., that help demonstrate commitment to recovery. Trust becomes more fragile with repetition of damaging it. I hope your husband truly understands that he could lose you over this. It is, after all, adultery. Some guys take a while to understand that porn = unfaithfulness. It is not just intercourse; it is unfaithfulness of the eyes and mind, anything which satisfies desire other than you.”
“You have all have helped me a lot. I've grown up in church all my life. This web site as give me an outlet in which to relieve the guilt. I know God has forgiven me but I can't seem to forgive myself. Just getting my sin out in the open has helped me more than I could have ever imagined it would have. I been thinking about telling one of my friends about my sins and asking her to be my accountability partner but I am so afraid she won't ever think of me the same way again. Please keep praying for me.”
If you’re looking for support and encouragement from others who can relate to what you’re going through, stop by our forums.
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New Prayer Requests:
The following are a few of the prayer requests received this past month. When you have a moment, I encourage you to pray for a few of those who are there. These are real people with real marriages and families on the line.
Also, a group of ladies pray by phone conference once a week, and we will be adding a second day soon. I send out a weekly prayer updated for those who are interested in praying for the ministry; please email me if you have a heart for prayer and would like to join them.
“I am a mature lady who has been a Christian for over 30 years, and am currently involved with counseling at the local crisis pregnancy center. I have been divorced for over 13 years. I was married for 27 yrs. After my divorce I have been completely celibate until this year and within the past 6 months I have been bombarded with sexual desires and I don't understand it all; I have masturbated several times and hate how I feel knowing I am not glorifying or honoring God with my mind or body. At times the desire is very powerful. I do try to resist the temptation but at times I have gone to websites that are explicit and I know it is wrong and I need prayer for God to reveal the reason for this happening to me now. I am not having any contact with men at all, online or any way. I feel like it takes over my will and I hate that, please pray for me to overcome this I know nothing goes to waste with God and He will use this just as he has everything in my life. God is amazing and I know with God all things are possible and through His power and strength I will be victorious! Thank you and may God bless you all.“
Anonymous
“I am 25 years old and have been married for almost 5 years. I suffered from rape (that I just now realized was rape) from a past relationship when I was 18 and as a result got pregnant. I come from a VERY strong conservative Christian background and I felt my only option was to end the pregnancy and suffer alone. Shortly after that experience I met my husband. I just recently became a Christian on June 28, 2006 and I found out my husband was having an affair on July 4, 2006 (he is a non-believer). After confronting him he told me it was a client and he would end it. I told him to let me know when it was done... I waited patiently for him to come to me to tell me he was sorry and it was over for 3 weeks; he continued to be distant and cold. After confronting him again he said he was still talking to her b/c she made him "feel good". I finally found out that it was a totally different woman than who he told me it was - that he had been lying to me the whole time and the only reason why he finally told me the truth was b/c I had proof.
Our marriage has always been rough. He was cold and unconcerned at our very own wedding. Has always been extremely shady in business deals and is so driven by money that I feel he would do anything to "keep up appearances". We are extremely well off for being 25 and 28. B/c he has always constantly worked and ignored me I turned to alcohol about 4 years ago and have slowly become a "closet alcoholic". I was the perfect "stepford wife" but I also had a horrible side that would come out when I had been drinking. I am still struggling with that addiction to this day. He blames the affair on my drinking and mindless drunken rampages. I also have made the mistake by looking for support from friends by telling them the situation only to have it backfire and enrage him more for "spreading our business all over town".
He is now saying he doesn't want me, he hates me and wants a divorce although he will never actually follow through with it. I am at a loss. He refuses to come home and I feel so alone and broken. I want my marriage to work. I want him to want me. I want him to come to know the Lord. I want to trust him again. And I also want to get better b/c I struggle with guilt everyday. I feel like on top of having to deal with NO self-esteem, a cheating husband, my struggle with alcohol, severe depression and being a new Christian that its just all too overwhelming for me which in turn makes me want to drink, lash out at him, have panic attacks and not want to even function anymore.
Please pray for me. Please pray that God will show me what his will is for me and give me the strength and faith to follow through. I feel like I cannot leave my husband b/c I have been just as bad to him (through drinking) as he has been to me. I don't want to leave him b/c I still love him and I don't want to have to start all over, that terrifies me.
Please pray for his salvation and pray for me to keep my eyes fixed on God. Its been so hard to trust in Him when it seems like there is no hope.”
Kelly
“I'm a 48 year old single woman, never been married - and suffered from extreme childhood sexual abuse and rape -- have now become addicted to masturbation and am trying to overcome this but have not been very successful.”
Susan
“I ask for prayer for myself and my wife to find a marriage counselor and for help in dealing with issues in our marriage. Please pray for my wife for her health and emotional problems in our marriage.”
David
“Please pray for personal purity. The Lord has opened up so many blessings to me as I have turned from immorality. Pray that it’s hold be totally broken and that God would establish me in purity.”
Stephen
The power behind this ministry is the prayer of God’s people. We have a prayer team of ladies who pray together Tuesday mornings by phone conference call. Please email me if you’d like to join them.
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Final Words
Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?" But when Jesus heard this, He said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. "But go and learn what this means: `I desire compassion , and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
Matthew 9:10-13
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Blazing Grace is a 501c3 non-profit corp. whose mission is to reach out to the sexually broken with the abundant life of Jesus Christ, and encourage the church to speak out boldly about the epidemic of sexual sin that is corrupting it. Contributions are tax-deductible as allowed by U.S. law.
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I enjoy reading your feedback.
May God’s grace abound to you.
Mike Genung
All material copyright 2006 Mike Genung
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